odyssey's Journal, 04 September 2010

I could not agree more! i am 5 foot 3 inches, weigh 194 pounds, and when somone who is 5 feet 4 inches and 120 tells me that they need to lose weight because they are so "fat", I just want to smack them!! I have some relatives that are like that, and will say, Oh look how fat I am, I don't want to wear shorts, or swim because I am too fat....And here I am, struggling to get to "normal"!! If they think they are fat, what must they think of me??? 

The thing is, those people aren't comparing themselves to you. They are only comparing their current overweight self to their former skinnier self. They have put on this weight and are facing a new "self" they aren't pleased with. So, while they may have a lot less weight to lose than you or the next person, remember they too are discouraged and facing the same daunting task of weight loss (perhaps for the first time in their lives.) Granted, some of our weight loss journeys are longer and more complex than others due to emotional and psychological factors. All in all, weight gain makes us all feel bad and we all want to be the best version of ourselves.  

It doesn't really matter if they are comparing themselves to me or not. I'm not talking about someone who is several pounds overweight or someone who used to be a bodybuilder and now is all flab and noticeable fat. I am talking about people who think they have 10 or 20 pounds to lose and already look fabulous and are healthy, complaining about how disgusting their fat is. It's the height of self-absorption and a total disregard for the situations of the people who surround them. I would never, while visiting a recent amputee, or while making some sort of volunteering visit to the amputee ward, complain about how much my recent papercut hurt and how I hope it doesn't leave a scar. And no one would be telling those amputees who were floored that someone would be so shallow as to say that in their presence "that volunteer was not comparing their papercut to your torn off limb. They are only comparing their current miniscule cut to their formerly flawless finger" lol If someone who has an otherwise healthy body is 10 or so pounds overweight and truly believes that makes them(and only them) a "fat disgusting pig" who "doesn't deserve to take up so much space" and is truly "surprised they can even fit through the door as fat as they are", they have far larger problems than any weight they may have gained or exercise they may have forgone. But really, since this is my journal and if something affects me, positively or negatively, I feel a desire to express it here, many times women I have known have only said things like that so that someone will pipe in with how wrong they are and how beautifully thin they look-fishing for compliments while at the same time showing no respect for what their 'audience' is experiencing. They can go say those things to a group of people who are thinner than they are :)  

I completely agree with your last line: "They can go say those things to a group of people who are thinner than they are :) 05 Sep 10 by member: odyssey " 

Odyssey, I ahve a sister with pcos and understand what a struggle it is for those with this problem to lose weight. There are those that are so self-absorbed tht they don't understand that their words are inconsiderate or thoughtless. They just don't get it, and probably never will. And as I said,if they think they are fat, what must thiey think of me? And if they are saying those things, and they are so inconsiderate of our feelings about being oiverweight, then do we really need them in our lives. I decided this time, that every time someone made a comment like that, I was going to use it as fuel for my journey! And I often times say something the effect of "Oh, you are right, just look how fat and unattractive that belly bulge is on you. I am working on improving my health and I can give you some pointers if you like. Maybe if you quit eating junk, you could lose a few pounds!!" The shock is such when you agree with them, that they are usually left speechless! lol 

LoL yeah there have been a couple of times when I've toyed with the idea of saying, "Yes, you've really let yourself go." but i would not have been able to keep the sarcasm out of my tone .. heh. Hard to believe, but I am an incredibly supportive person in most respects. The older I've gotten, though, the lower my bs tolerance has become. I have almost endless patience with children and animals - adult humans - not so much :) 

I understand. I have much more patience than I used to have. Of course, the more I pray for patience the more chances God gives me to practice it! lol! 

Actually, I wish I had been that "self absorbed" when I gained my first 10 pounds. I might never have made it to 275. That's what I try to think when my feelings are hurt or I am disgusted by such remarks . . . and I am. I really do try to see it from their perspective in this modern "skinny" world. My sister was that self absorbed and she has only been over a size 6/7 once, when she was wearing one of my size nine dresses and I commented on how she was filling it out. Two weeks later, she didn't. That was about 40 years ago and seems like a million. 

@cliss - I stopped praying for patience many years ago. I learned what you have. That when that is what you pray for, God gives you many opportunities to practice lol @Johanne - I've been morbidly obese since before I was a year old so I never really had a point where I woke up and noticed I'd 'let myself go'. I'd never want to think I was disgusting if I had an extra ten pounds on me. On most things I am a very objective person and can see all sides of a topic no matter what my personal opinion is. I do not see the side though of someone who truly thinks it is okay to bemoan their extra ten pounds and berate themselves around those who have to lose at least half of their body weight. It's either petty or their perspective is seriously messed up and they need therapy. Maybe because I have had such extreme things happen in my life that ten little pounds (or a papercut or getting a 98 on an exam rather than 100) would not even register as a blip on my screen of mole hills, much less mountains.