|
Today was an average day. I was rather hoping that being Fathers day, hubby would step up to the plate at least for one day in the year.
NOTHING. He went swimming and then to watch a sporting event and then wherever else he may have felt like going. (I called to ask where he was and he said..'whats it to you?')
Came home and saw me in the kitchen and said..shall I help you with something..I replied are you running a fever? And then my little bear showed up so I said 'if you want to help me..just babysit him for a little while so I can finish making dinner'.
I handed the food on a plate and saw hubby come back two or three times for seconds so I assumed that little bear was eating. Then my two year old walks in and says..Mummy I want dinner.
But isnt daddy feeding you? 'daddy no give me dinner mama'. I went to the living room and saw hubby pigging out instead of feeding my little bear.
OK..I know I was supposed to be calm and think about my disturbers of my harmony...but I blew it! I was so pissed off that he would neglect a two year olds food needs in favor of feeding himself first. A perfect compromise if he was that hungry was to eat and feed little bear at the same bloody time!
So I threw a mini fit and he started going on about how I didnt want him to eat and wanted him to starve. Its always about HIM..he is not listening to anything I say. I am saying that you could have fed the little one first and then yourself or just eat together instead of neglecting him completely.
But like every other disagreement, the whole argument turns into me 'victimizing' him.
Am I wrong in my thoughts? Please, if you disagree definitely speak up so that I can rationalize this situation better. I am so livid right now about the fact that he would do this (and this is a daily occurance in every single situation...he sees his side of a story only)
AAGGHHH!!
|
 Comments
Wow. Sorry to hear you've been having a tough day. We often assume other people will think and act the same way we would in any given situation. You know that you would never sit there in front of your son and eat without feeding him, too. The same is obviously not true of your husband. Whether he just assumed it was something you would take care of or whether he was just oblivious to the needs of the child, it wasn't necessarily done with intent to tick you off. This doesn't mean you didn't have a right to your feelings and it doesn't mean your husband did no wrong. It just sounds like you both got your wires crossed. Miscommunication is the basis for most arguments, it seems.
15 Jun 08 by member: evelyn64
|
I thought that handing a plate and asking him to feed the little one was clear communication. The fact that after about a minute, hubby hollered for more food for the little one (Because he had finished the littles ones dinner) indicated further that he knew he was supposed to feed my two year old. I even commented at that time 'you seem to think the food I handed you was for you. its not..its for the little one so feed him' . The only miscommunication I think on my part was my shouting because it automatically put hubby on the defensive.
15 Jun 08 by member: caged liberty
|
Sorry you had such a tough day. Take a deep breath and hang in there!
15 Jun 08 by member: mbhpro
|
wow! I have to say, my first thought was "he sounds like a jerk"! But, on second thoughts, I can't imagine that any father would just knowingly, intentionally, be so negligent towards his son. There could certainly be another side to this story--"his version"...and if at all possible, give him that opportunity tomorrow to explain his side and feel like he has a legitimate weight in the relationship and in the running of the household...sounds like he's needing some attention and love!
16 Jun 08 by member: 08willbegreat
|
Oh dear, I have to entirely disagree with the previous posters - THERE ARE FATHERS THAT KNOWINGLY DON'T FEED THEIR KIDS. Or rather, that sub-conciously choose to forget the child exists. They have no switch in their head that says "this is a small person that you have to take care of, because it can't do it for itself." These are the same people that 'forget' to watch their toddlers while Mommy is gone and she comes home to burns or blood or children falling over a balcony (saw this on the news recently).
Mom stuck in a terrible marriage to my sister's father for almost 9 years because the fact was that a)he was mean and spiteful and would have tried to take sis away b) his family is wealthy and well-known in the community and may have actually been able to do it c) he threatened for years to come after the family with a shotgun and kill us all if she left him, and 100% WOULD HAVE in the early years before she managed to at least instill a slight bit of humanity in him, and d) and this is the deciding factor SHE WOULD HAVE STARVED TO DEATH. Even after Mom finally did leave and sis would go stay with him for the weekend, Mom had to load her suitcase with granola bars and the like because he wouldn't feed her. He would have one huge meal a day, usually around 10 o'clock at night, and wouldn't get her a plate, wouldn't even check that she got some. So Mom waited until sis was 7 1/2 to leave, because she was at least old enough to make herself a sandwich or cook herself some soup - something. So I have nothing but empathy for you - you were not wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
16 Jun 08 by member: stmueller
|
Sighs... liberty my friend, its so difficult isin't it (and frequently dangerous) to comment on family dynamics from afar. The one thing that I will say is that its a tough job these days doing the best for your children and it needs a good partnering relationship if there are two parents so I'll be sending fervent wishes that you experience that soon.
16 Jun 08 by member: dave22
|
Sorry, I didn't realize you had given him a separate plate of food and asked him to feed your son. In that case, yes your hubby was being selfish. But alas, we can't make other people change their behaviour. We can only change the way we react to it. This doesn't mean we have to justify or allow other people's bad behaviour. It means we don't have to allow it to tear us up inside with anger and resentment. It's about detoxifying your emotions. Anger and resentment build and fester and hurt you more than they will ever hurt your husband.
16 Jun 08 by member: evelyn64
|
Oh, Liberty, I wish I could give you a hug! I know your husband must have a good side . . . but I admit I haven't seen it YET! About the time I think that nurturing a little one is a "no-brainer" I am reminded that some people missed out totally on that instinct. Sadly, it probably has a lot to do with how your husband was treated as a child -- but with you there to instruct him, he has no excuse. The ONLY thing I read that I would change is your rather sharp retort when he actually asked if he could help you with something, as that is the moment (just as with a child!) to "catch him doing something right." Perhaps by the time you asked him to watch little bear, he was already saying "Oh, yeah, watch this" in his mind. I'm NOT saying you caused it, just a softer response might help a little. Obviously, you won't be giving him responsibility for your little one in the near future! I don't know if a lifetime is long enough to get him in touch with his humanity.
16 Jun 08 by member: gramnbear
|
He sounds self centered and inconsiderate. Not sure there's any advice for that as it's a character flaw and if he doesn't acknowledge it, he won't change it. I feel for you as life with someone like that can be hell. Maybe a civil conversation with him today on why you were upset might help but, I'm thinking it won't. Just my opinion.
16 Jun 08 by member: kimbulie
|
UPDATE: Hubby is not talking to me! (LOL) Nothing new. He is not an expressive person and this is his way of dealing with arguments, sulking for the next couple of weeks. I made breakfast this morning as he was heading out, but he refused to touch anything. I tried to explain that I wasnt angry at him eating but rather at the fact that he stopped feeding the little one in order to feed himself. I then said 'You could have eaten and fed him at the same time' in order to explain what I wanted from him. I also apologized for my abrupt behavior and said that perhaps that was not the right way to express my feelings. He got up, gave me a dirty look and walked off. No problems...its the same story every single time..we argue..we dont talk for ages...we talk for a week or so...we argue...we dont talk for ages...we talk for a week or so....Cest la vie!
16 Jun 08 by member: caged liberty
|
| |
|
|
| |
Submit a Comment
You must sign in to submit a comment
|
|
|
Other Related Links
Members
|
caged liberty's weight history
|