jsfantome's Journal, 16 July 2010

My own personal drama update: things are back to normal w/ hubby. just a major stress-induced arguement that was easily resolved w/ some forgiveness and a dash of love. (even if it was long distance). :)

It's too easy to lash out at the ones closest to us when we are in pain - that was my bad...but we have worked things through.

My Mom is doing 'ok' - but we will be heading back to MA soon. She forgets so easily and lives in a 'fog of confusion' a lot of the time, has been rather anxious lately - and a bit snippy - but in general she is holding her own.

My two Aunties - well, God love 'em - they are troopers! They have taken the info and test results and made it known that they are only here by God's Grace - they will enjoy their lives - for as long as they have life left to enjoy! They have no real desire to undergo surgery or treatments or whatever. They don't want to spend their 'last days' trampling back and forth to one Dr. after another - they just want things to go back to the calm life they were living last week. When it's their 'time' - they are satisfied with a life well lived. Both of them. Neither of them ever expected to live this long to begin with. (lots of early illness in their family members) and they thought they would be lucky to make it to their 70's. Now one is almost 80 and the other is 90. Amazing attitudes really.

The oldest of my mom's sisters, Eva (90) - never had children. And the other one is my mom's middle sister, Gina (80) and she had two children. (one of which was killed in a car accident nearly 30 years ago.) So, the cousin I am staying with is the single caretaker to these two old ladies. She and I grew up together - and are closer than sisters. We always felt like the Aunt that is (90) was like a grandmother to us!!! So taking care of our own mom's - plus taking care of the oldest Auntie - it's a family affair!

She needed me to be here w/ her as a support system while they underwent these tests and faced potential surgery. She is having a much harder time with the ladies reaction to the news and their tests results. But we have had long and deep conversations about end of life care, respecting personal choices, savoring the love and cherishing the moment.

In the end though - when she loses her Mom (Gina -80) she will be alone. She lost her brother (30 yrs ago, noted above) and then lost her Dad (20 yrs ago-to a MAJOR tragic health issue. He was MIS-diagnosed w/ brain cancer - treated w/ chemo and radiation - and it killed him.) He didn't have brain cancer. But no one knew that until they performed his autopsy.

Well, she won't be alone - but that is how she is feeling. She is married w/ children of her own...and as I have said, we are as close as two people can be...but this is her Mom - and I totally understand her pain.

Life does go on. Take time to live w/ intention. I intend to LOVE today!

Thanks to all of my friends here who are so supportive, caring and giving! It's helping me get through each day.

Love.