katies71's Journal, 22 February 2019

Don’t go to bed. Get out of the house. Isolation feeds depression. Go for a walk. Go to a park. Volunteer somewhere local, if you are able. Get another part time job to fill your time. Don’t go home and isolate yourself. Been there. 

Another hint is to get dressed including shoes every day. Putting on shoes just tells the brain that you have plans for the day. And don’t take them off until evening! See what happens! 

Katie, you've been through a LOT (getting all your teeth pulled), and still have a lot to go through (gastric bypass surgery). I'm not surprised that you are overwhelmed and depressed. Happens to people with much LESS reasons than you have! I, too, sleep when I am depressed - to escape. When I am sleeping, it is that many less hours that I have to be experiencing the depression. NOT the best way to handle things, but it is what I do. Some people escape to alcohol, drugs, and other things far more harmful that some extra Z's. I notice that you are STILL consistently losing weight before your surgery! That's GREAT, and one thing to be thankful for. Hang in there by whatever means works for you, Katie. Have you checked with a doctor to see if your anti-depressants need to be "tweaked?" Often, the solution is as simple as that. What worked before just stops being effective sometimes. Perhaps you need something else, or just a higher dose of whatever you're taking. Just take care of YOU and don't worry about anything else. I'm praying for things to improve for you. I know they WILL. Just hang in there until then! 

Dear Katie, I'm sorry your therapy is running out, and can understand that you "feel" alone. But in reality you aren't. God loves you more than you can imagine. Yes, I understand that you may not be able to "feel" Him, but He is there, loving you anyway. I don't know how to make you feel better. I too, years ago, have been absolutely desperate. I can't really even tell you how it changed, or if I will be back there again. It scares me to even think about it. But there are a few things I can think of that had small parts of me feeling better. I had "special prayer" in several circumstances over the years, which I believe had a part in healing some of darkness in my soul. I am praying for you and I know Debbie is faithful to pray for us. I don't know where you could get or receive "special prayer”. And I will tell you I believe some people may find one session was enough, but not me. I am so damaged from my childhood that I am very resistant to healing and growth. But I still believe that throwing ourselves on the mercy of God, and pursuing a closer relationship with Him, is key. Some times I actually laid down on my stomach on the floor, prostrating myself, to throw myself on His mercy, begging Him to quiet my mind and give me peace. I believe it is worthwhile even if one feels only 5 or 10% better, even if for a little while. When you get desperate, even a little relief is helpful. Also, one thing I forget, is to ask Him to comfort me. Every time I have ever asked that, I have found that within a few minutes, yes I did feel, at least a little better, for a time. Of course, my humanness comes back all too soon, and have to remember to do it over again. Another thing I forget to do is resist Satan. Now, I forget, if I did see or know, if you are a Christian, and have given your heart to Jesus. I'm sorry, I'm not taking the time to go back and read your posts, to try to find out. But you can imagine, that resisting Satan only works if it is Jesus power, not ours. So if so: just command Satan and all his demons to get away from you, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. You can do that as often as necessary, and speak it out loud, because he can't read your mind. I believe he can put thoughts “in” our mind, but not read it. He wants your and my destruction, plus the world has already hurt us. Dying to self is the hardest thing in the world for me, and I don't do a very good job of it. We are such a strange combination of weakness and pride. I'm sorry you have been so hurt in life. I'm sorry to tell you this, and you may not want to hear it, but I say it in love. Those things that are made with any form of sugar, plus all those high carb things that turn to sugar in our blood, will depress us mentally. They may taste good at the time, but long term are deadly for us mentally, emotionally, and physically. How we stay away from them when terribly depressed is something beyond my knowing. I just happen to be on a good "roll" right now, but not always. I'm holding onto a very fragile stability right now, but certainly do not look down on others because I not only have been there, but don't know when I will be desperate again, when my world shakes. It is only the grace of God, and the prayers of others, that I stand (weakly) at all. I am weakly calling out to God, for grace for you, peace, and rest. Please open yourself to it. How? I don't know. But I implore Him in your behalf. 

I am praying for you this morning too. I'm sorry you are hurting so, and hope I am not making it worse with my message last night.