e-238's Journal, 06 November 2018

I am absolutely mortified by the amount of binge eating i have done over the last 2 weeks. To say that I am dreading getting on the scale is a massive understatement. I canceled my appointment with my med mgt today because I couldn't deal with leaving the house and having him see how much weight i put on since my appointment last month. This time I know it isn't in my head since my husband can see it (although being a sweetheart he understates how bad it is) and because i can feel the extra chins have returned to my neck when i lay down to sleep which is a dead giveaway for me.
I have tried evert day this past week not to shovel anything edible into my mouth but haven't been successful. I will try again and hope that today's the day i can stop.
I know my depression is key in this but this feels like a self fulfilling prophecy because it makes me feel hideous, and that the damage is done, which makes me feel worse so i want to eat more which makes it worse. And the awful thing is that unlike when i usually binge eat now i am freakishly hungry. I eat until i can't and im still hungry afterwards. I feel like an absolute loser with no will power and jyst am a giant fuck up.
There.i said it.
Harsh byt undoubtedly true. I tried so hard to lose the weight and I've piled it back on just like that.
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You reminded me of my, not so long before, past. I have lived like this for 2.5 decades. Reading these lines really shaked me. I really wish i could help you somehow. I feel guilt for not being able to give a hand to someone like me to escape this darkness. But i have found out that it is all on our own. There is no magic solution. No tricks or something like this. I wish you from deep within my heart to find your own way to escape this labyrinth. I would be so glad to see you finding your own way to leave all this behind. 
06 Nov 18 by member: Tassos67
food can really mess us up, if you can gather your will power to push through a rough time, try to go without sugar and without flour products. if you can do that one day at a time and fill those spaces with healthy food options like protein healthy fats and good lower starch veggies you will escape the terrible cravings. for some refined carbs are a total addiction.  
06 Nov 18 by member: baskington


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