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Perhaps I'm fooling myself with recovery. I mean. I've eaten every day this week so far, which is a success! I've had carbs, even though I've been ashamed to log my foods(still trying to get over the shame of eating), and I didn't throw up. Which is also a success.
But I'm compensating in a different way. Laxatives. Too many laxatives. Meaning I'm still purging. I guess I've got to take it one step at a time, but I'm starting to wonder whether it would be better for me if I fasted and restricted more and completely gave up purging (both vomiting and laxative abuse), rather than eating a little more than usual and still purging.
I don't know. I'm trying so hard. I can't cope with my recovery weight gain and this is what's driving me crazy. And I can't cope with the feeling of food inside of me.
And truthfully, the only reason I'm eating is because my mom's home and not working for a few days, and she's basically emotionally pressuring me to eat. And I want to keep her happy regardless of how I'm feeling. hate it.
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 Comments
Have you seeked councelling for your eating disorder?
It truly sounds like you are really struggling with this, and I hope that you are able to find your journey down recovery smoothing out.
Good luck and take care of yourself.
13 Sep 12 by member: pam-u-la
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Yea! That's way to much to cope with on your own. Many people do recover with help, although you may always struggle. I feel for you.
13 Sep 12 by member: Suzi161
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Oh yes, I've had psychotherapy for years and even went to Inpatient Treatment when things got very bad..I'm trying to recover and for some reason, no matter how many people I see or books I read on self help...it doesn't work. I think it's something I'll always have to deal with on my own, somehow. I'm trying, and thank you guys xx
13 Sep 12 by member: thecaloriecat
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