kickingcarbs's Journal, 09 February 2018

My name is Shelby and I have eaten myself into obesity. Why you may ask? Because as a child I was abused and food was used as a form of control and punishment. For a while I was like now I’m an adult I can eat anything I want whenever I want and how much I want now and she can’t stop me. And I did. I ate myself into obesity so who was I actually punishing?

I was told that if I was fat no one would love me and I would be ugly with no friends. The truth was if I was fat she wouldn’t love me but the truth was even when I was skinny she didn’t love me. As a kid I couldn’t see that.

And as an adult it took me until I was obese to see that. I’m trying to take steps toward self love. I don’t need a parents approval or their love to be happy and I don’t need to be skinny to be loved but healthy is what I need to be in order to show myself I give a shit about myself.

I will and do love me and that’s all that matters. This is my journey, my body and my self love. From this day forward I will love myself and accept myself. I don't need to be skinny to be loved and I'm not loosing weight to get skinny I'm loosing weight and making lifestyle changes in order to be healthy and be the best me I can be.

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2032 kcal

Fat: 73.46g | Prot: 79.41g | Carb: 264.47g.   Breakfast: Thrive Premium Lifestyle Mix, Minute Maid 100% Apple Juice. Lunch: Equate Ultra Weight Loss Shake - French Vanilla. Dinner: Melissa's Dessert Sauce Chocolate Flavored, Toll House Chocolate Chip Cookie, Brownie with Icing, Breyers Oreo Cookies & Cream Ice Cream, Rizzo's Stuffed Shells with Ricotta, TGI Friday's Gourmet Mac n' Five Cheese. more...