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Homework assignment #1
Activity:
Question #1
What do I feel I'm missing out on with an extra 35.8 pounds on this body?
It's hard not to ponder answers to these questions without taking the MS into consideration. Movement is everything to a person with MS because it's constantly compromised, but it also runs a spectrum. Some days are less challenging than others. Stairs will always be difficult, but some days they're not as difficult. The same goes for walking up or downhill, and walking on uneven ground. But, my assessment is that all of the challenges that accompany movement and MS are further increased when the body has more weight on it to carry. As it stands, I rely a great deal on upper body strength to compensate for what these legs just can't fully accomplish. Will it be less challenging to do something as simple as stepping up the flight of stairs that leads from my suite to the kitchen, or picking myself up off the yoga mat after assuming an asana? Are their other activities that might be less taxing on this body like trail walks or any activity that includes long periods of standing or walking if this body is 35 pounds less than what it is now?
I know what 35 lbs feels like to lift. I used to have to put together 25-35 lbs worth of brochures together for one of the temp jobs I had a couple of years ago. Sometimes I was able to lift the boxes, but sometimes I had to heft them on to a chair and use the chair to roll the box to it's pick up location. LOL. In a weird way, I use my walker for the same purpose, only it's my own weight the walker is is hefting around. Perhaps, I won't even need a walker if I was 35 lbs less. Perhaps, a cane might be just as effective with less weight. Perhaps, there will be increased mobility?
At this point, I feel like it's a matter of comfort and trying to ensure this body doesn't have to suffer any more than it already has or is going too. I also consider the possibility there may be a time when I might have a care giver or someone to help me get up and around. Weighing 35 lbs less than I do now in addition to increasing muscle tone ensures anyone in the future will not have to strain as hard to help this girl out.
Question #2
What do I want the future to look like?
I want to discover and manifest joy and respect in the body this spirit inhabits. I remember when I was first diagnosed with the MS and I went to a local bar my mother and me frequent and saw an acquaintance who also has MS. In fact, he has the same kind of walker I do. I was sore from the last workout and he said, "why do you work out?! The muscles WON'T RECOVER!". This person chooses not to take any medication for their MS (with the exception of muscle relaxers) and does absolutely no exercises or stretching to help with spasticity. I respect their choice, but they are deteriorating rapidly and have already fallen twice, the first time they broke their elbow. He now suffers from tremors and constant muscle spasms. They were speaking an untruth regarding muscle recovery. One CAN workout with MS. The type of exercises we do just depends on what the limitations are, but any exercise out there can be modified and any fitness activity is VERY encouraged in the MS community. Finally he said, "what's the point of working out?"
I said, "listen, I've just taken off over 20 lbs and I'm DAMNED if I'm going to gain it back! I don't care if I'm using a walker or end up in a wheelchair, I'll just be the healthiest in shape disabled person you ever laid eyes on!!"
And, I meant it...
There are actually a lot of physically challenged folks where I live, and many are morbidly obese (in the 300-400 lb range). I won't condemn or judge, I can readily imagine the train of thought that brought them there. My own circumstances hit so suddenly, if I hadn't already been entrenched in a weight loss and fitness journey, working out and eating healthy might have been the last thing on my mind. And yet, ironically I understood even when the diagnosis was made official, it was going to be one of the most essential things to consider as I move forward. There's been an immense amount of joy, surprise, release, and genuine love in discovering what this body is capable of doing, even in its current state. I want to continue exploring, developing, and cultivating this body in a loving and kind light. It still has places to take this girl and things to reveal. I want to continue collaborating with all these cells, tissues, and organs to try an ensure we can function as optimally and realistically as possible, and with healthy sustainability in mind, regardless of what life throws our way. This is what I want the future to entail. This is what is starting to happen now :-)
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