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Brain is scrambled tofu right now... have no motivation... the want to not feel anything is overwhelming. I am almost postive that I am starting to sound like a broken record, and my emotional state is getting worse.
I keep having conversations in my head that I need to fight this, there is no way I want to have my medication increased or changed again. I knew that once again the thought of December would hit me hard and knock me on my ass. It is the only month that I feel empty inside and like there is a huge void. Weird thing is that I know the cause and there is nothing I can do about it. All year long I believe that I have a handle on it, then smack it creeps into me and consumes me.
Must remember that it will pass, that I can not fill the void with all things that comfort me.. chips, chocolate, high fat foods! That will only make me full of regret for doing it, leave me feeling sick, and will not fill the void.
I know that many people have suggested exercise and sunlight, both of which I get daily... but really hard to do a proper exercise when the tears blind you.
I am so sorry for anyone who reads this.. but I need an outlet to try and express these feelings.
Once again... go into robotic mode and do what I can do....
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