chicago ken's Journal, 05 March 2024

Enjoy! 

Morticia good so far. 👍 

Chicago Ken, I had no doubts that you were doing a presentation of all your goodies rather than telling me you were going to eat all of the servings at once, lol. If someone assumed that that would be on them after all we do have many sayings about assumptions and they normally don't have very pleasant endings do they. I hope you enjoyed your meals today I always find myself enjoying lentil soup but I'm really terrible about preparing it for myself. I really should get better about it too because it's extremely healthy and tasty and it's not very difficult to make I just don't make it for some reason. >< Idk why 🤔🧐🤷 

Leah g. I’d like to make a split pea next. My lentil batch usually last 3-4 weeks. I eat it almost every day. Very healthy 

Honestly Chicago Ken, I think a lot of the reason why I don't cook large batch meals anymore it's just that I'm so overwhelmed because of work that I don't take more time out of life for me. In many ways I've stopped doing a lot of things in life for me. I know part of it because my medicines make me so tired all the time. And I don't mean to sound ungrateful I'm very happy that the doctors have done what they can to help but I know that a lot of the way that I feel is because of the medication not because of the illness but this is the only way they can help me is to treat the symptoms I have they have no other recourse and no other way to prevent me from going completely blind even this is a stopgap measure at best. And it's true I need to cut back from Speedway I know they take advantage of me and part of that is my fault. I working change this slowly but surely I'm trying to take chunks back out of my time for the family first but also for myself it is a slow process and I admit that I'm working more for the family and for the house than I am for myself but I am slowly but surely taking back more and more time with the goal of family first and time for myself as well and next week I've already put two vacation days aside to start putting applications in and beginning the interview process for other places. I will not lie I am battling my guilt already. 

Ps; your soup sounds great I love split pea soup myself do you make it vegetarian or do you add ham to yours? 

Leah sorry to hear of your daily strife. I wish you well in however it goes. In my split pea I usually go chicken or vegetables only. Maybe I’ll try ham this time though. Sounds yum.  

Honestly a lot of it's just shocked a year ago this didn't even bother my body. Something my boss said to me really hurt my feelings now he didn't mean it ugly matter of fact he meant it as a compliment but he said that I used to be able to run around everyone and do all of their work get it done and still work without any breaks and still work faster than everyone else but I just can't do that anymore not since I got sick. Which is silly but it makes me feel shame because he's right I really thought if I followed the doctors advice I would get better. I know that Ryan is disappointed with me too it the first time in our relationship he had to do so much sigh 😔. I'm just so disappointed with myself I know what to do my body just betrayes me now. But I should be thankful not upset it's just a learning process and one I'm still working on. It's my burden and I do admit I'm not being a good sport like I normally am and I'm not sure why I'm not al a very proactive person and very much a go getter. Maybe 🤔 I'm going though a rebellious stage?