HerStrawberri's Journal, 03 June 2011

So tomorrow is my one month being with fatsecret and using the calorie counter app. I honestly think it saved my life. I know that's a little dramatic, but it's really true. I was doing low carb before I found the app but I wasn't writing down what I was eating nor was I counting cals, so I never really knew how many carbs or cals I was consumming each day. The day I found the app i was just messing around with my phone and saw that it was in my apps and I opened it. For some reason it 'clicked'. I had the sparkpeople app and had looked at it before and even joined sparkpeople but it never 'stuck'. Fatsecret did. Since that day, I have completely lost all sugar cravings, my migraines have relented tremendously, ( I used to get them almost every day) I don't feel like I'm in a 'fog' anymore. My thinking is so much clearer and I WANT to do things. It truly is an incredible feeling. I'm in control of what I eat, and saying 'no' to things is not even an after thought most times. I would say one of my biggest 'no moments' was last weekend when my partner and i went out for breakfast. She got pancakes with her breakfast and they looked so freakin good. and they smelled like OMG good. I really wanted a bite. I thought, maybe if I just have ONE bite it will be ok. But then I thought, NO. If I have one bite it will lead to me eating half of the plate and i didn't want that. I also thought about all the sugar going into my body. Did i really want all of that poison in me? ( i call sugar posion as it really is to me and my body) So I said no and put the waters in front of the plate so I really couldn't see them. Silly I know, but it my mind it worked. So I'm proud of that. I have also not had ANY chocolate candy in one month. That is pretty huge as well. Especially since there is alot of it in our house. I won't throw it away though. It's a daily reminder that I CAN do this and I AM doing this.

My weight loss has also been incredible. I'm a tiny bit worried I may be losing weight to fast, BUT I'm going to up my cals next week a bit. I'm having a hard time doing that. Or I guess I should say overcoming the mental obstacle i have about 'eating more'. I'm trying to get in more veggies as well. I had green beans last night which were good. I'm going to keep trying with that.

Back to how fatsecret saved my life. I think if i would of kept down the same path I was going before I started any of this...i would of ended up in the hospital. Or mental ward. I was close to 400 freakin lbs. That is really big. I was so terribly unhealthy. I still am, but at least NOW I can say I'm working on changing. I couldn't say that then.

I still have many obstacles to overcome, but I'm trying every day. Lots of the obstacles I have, i've had since I was a little girl. My veggie hatred is an exact result of that. So is my love of sweets. So is my hatred for my body. LOL. Ok, I guess most of them. I know I can't blame my childhood for every bad habit I have. It's ME that is ultimately doing the damage. It may have originated from my childhood, but I'm the one that keeps hurting myself. I may need help with all of that. Only time will tell. For right now, I'm REALLY trying to NOT beat myself up or call myself names. I think right now, that is my biggest struggle. My partner doesn't let me do it out loud anymore. I never really knew how much I did it until she started calling me on it. I used to think it was funny, all the things I would say about me. I needed to make stuff funny so I would laugh and not cry. She isn't having it anymore. She tells me every day I'm beautiful. Someday i will believe that. Something else I prob need help with. I'm trying though.


I'm proud of myself. I'm proud I have stuck with this and have made this a way of life for me. I'm proud I have lost weight. I'm proud I can so 'no'. I'm proud I'm going through with school (finally). I'm proud I WANT to go outside of my house. Hopefully soon I can add more 'proud' moments.

If you took the time to read this, thank you. I know I ramble and I'm a terrible speller. =)

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1375 kcal

Fat: 54.20g | Prot: 151.28g | Carb: 54.63g.   Breakfast: White Turkey & Gravy in roasting pan. Lunch: IMPRL DELIGHT QTRS, Chicken Breast (Skin Not Eaten). Dinner: Large Grade A Eggs (Hard Boiled), Iceberg Lettuce (Includes Crisphead Types), Light Ranch Dressing, Turkey Breast Meat. Snacks/Other: Original Whipped Light Cream, Sugar Free Chocolate Vanilla Swirl Pudding Snack, Day Break Apple Crisp Bar. more...

3790 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Resting - 16 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...