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This post is deep so read with caution. So I am officially 1 month into my gym membership (26 of 30 days!) spin class 6 days a week, 1 month into the first diet of my life that I am killing btw, and 1 month into the least depressing and anxiety ridden part of my life. Everything was falling into place. I'm down 11 pounds but 14 total if you count me at my heaviest during rock bottom. I feel amazing. My face has slimmed. This is going to sound cocky AF but my fucks to give or care left yesterday but I'm getting noticed again. I get double takes from men. And think what you want but honesty, I have always loved that shit. I was blessed and I am an attractive woman but I gained weight and it showed in my face and belly. Round cheeks and a double chin (I also was a heavy drinker... and a bartender) now I have 1 chin again and I get noticed. I didn't for years after an extremely hard breakup where you gain 20 pounds and can't even rebound because you lost ALL of your confidence. For the first time in 3 years I felt like a person and not just a shell of a human.. I will never have enough time to explain the hole I was in and how its taken me 3 years to dig myself out of it. Anyways sorry I'm hungover (I got very drunk after my dr appt yesterday. It's not the right thing to do but let's be real, it was the thing to do) and rambling but I swear this story or share has a point. So 2 weeks ago I found a lump in my right breast. I am currently waiting for my biopsy on Monday than results on Wednesday. Mammogram and ultrasound discovered its a tumor, the biopsy is to figure out if cancerous or benign. It's literally 50/50. I'm sharing this here because you are strangers and honestly it's easier. I need to get it off my chest (ha no pun intended) but my fucking god I have no idea how to tell my dad. I'm not asking for sympathy, advice or anything. Just sharing because I need to talk. My mom and my best friend know but saying these words out loud isn't easy at all. And I'm a talker. It's most likely benign, I have zero cancer on both sides of my family. But still, having the term "50/50" (the doctor said this to me while scheduling my biopsy) in my head for 6 days is going to be rough. So here I am in the most ironic situation of my life. I do a complete 180 and feel the best I feel in life just to be backhanded and told to hold the fuck up. Well. I'll know Wednesday. Either way I'm hitting my goal in 6 months, going to be down 60 pounds, looking and feeling fanfuckingtastic and backpacking through Asia again. So this is just more motivation. 3 months ago I would be adding this to my pity party. Now I just find it another challenge to conquer. And you know what? I fucking will. Cheers 🥂
Diet Calendar Entries for 08 April 2021:
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813 kcal
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Fat: 25.08g | Prot: 59.87g | Carb: 94.46g.
Lunch: Bananas , Best Yet Mixed Berries, Great Value Greek Nonfat Yogurt - Plain (Cup). Dinner: Tsunami Roasted Sesame Seeds. Snacks/Other: Bananas , Calavo Avocado, Hard-Boiled Egg , Darigold Low Fat Cottage Cheese. more...
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445 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Weight Training (moderate) - 45 minutes, Samsung Health - 23 hours and 15 minutes. more...
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