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I know the holidays are hard - had my own challenges this past week. Mostly dealing w/ my emotions. (and my Mom's). Everyone grieves in their own way, and she tends to get moody and snippy - which was going on a lot leading up to and over Christmas. So, I was trying to help give her room to talk and process some of her own stuff...and realized how very sad I felt amongst a bunch of other happy emotions. Have some personal issues w/ some of my Dad's extended family - and that added to the sadness ... not to mention my own hormones are totally whacked! Not sure if the higher protein is messing w/ my system, or if I am just 'at that age' - but try as I may...I did have a few days where I just could not hold back the tears...and there seemed to be no reason at all... (course there's always a reason...) but it was likely a build up of all of the above.
I did great throughout December - and throughout all my baking, prep-ing, parties, and open houses... but that emotional let down feeling hit home on Sunday night - when all was quiet, everyone in bed...or off doing their own thing...and I couldn't sleep...and the overwhelming feeling of ' I deserve this...' took me over. 'You've been so good, for soooo long...' 'You can have just a couple'...and then I ate about 30 peanut M&M's...
Honestly, I felt like I did when I was 14 and sneaking a cigarette. I didn't care if anyone saw me...but I had that heightened sense of adreniline rush through me.
They were OK. Tasty. Enjoyed them at the moment. But then thought 'what an idiot...why did you eat those?' - But then came Monday Night. And I wanted them again... waited for everyone to go to bed... then about another 30 ... this time I felt guilty. And lousy about myself.
The next morning (yesterday) I gave them to my husband on his way out the door...and told him of my last two night's indiscretions... I told him ' eat these, or toss them...I don't care...just get them the heck out of this house!'
So, all day yesterday and today(coming up) I will be flushing my body w/ water, and only indulging in the yummy wholesome foods of Induction...hopefully by Thursday or Friday I will have all of the sugar out of my system. I felt physically fine...but totally craved foods all day yesterday. Hoping that is gone today.... I just ate whatever and however much I wanted...as long as it was meat or salad, or a little cheese stick or a hard boiled egg...etc.... but no more candy.
Still processing how all this happened...and how deeply my emotions played a role. But will not be waiting til Jan 1 to address it...as if I did...I could be sunk again.
I am thinking about people I have known on here...and missing old friends...but so happy to be making new ones too... So, just keeping it honest...I am not perfect either.... but as in all things in life...morning brought it's own clarity and I embraced my opportunity to make it right!
Diet Calendar Entries for 29 December 2010:
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772 kcal
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Fat: 43.94g | Prot: 66.21g | Carb: 19.22g.
Breakfast: bacon (9AM), water (6-10 AM), I can't believe it's not butter, eggland's best eggs (9AM), coffee (8oz) black, hidden carbs. Lunch: spiral ham (6oz). more...
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1674 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Dance (fast step, aerobic) - 25 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 35 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
Morning! Thanks for comments on my journal. Sorry your holidays had some blue colour as well as red and white - lol - and hope they are now chased away. I have noticed a few people found this season quite difficult. I usually find them horrible but this year was my best in a long time. I haven't given a lot of thought to 2011 and what it will bring for me weight wise. I will need to pick a new goal and not sure what that will be or should be. Perhaps 20 lb increments? I don't want to set an impossible goal - 150 lb I think at my age would be asking a lot - don't think my skin would shrink and I think I might look old. However I won't rule it out. I thought I would just keep losing and see where I feel comfortable or where I stall out. I've been very 'lucky' so far with no stalls but don't believe that that will always be the case. Any thoughts as I see you started in the 200's as well and are well below 150 yourself. I guess I am scared to dream that big! 175 seems almost unimaginable to me, let alone 150 lb. Anyway, sorry I've blabbed on so much - you got me thinking!
29 Dec 10 by member: sarahsmum
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Is - there was a time in my life when I had lost a large amount of weight once before (from about 190 down to 140)...so I knew I wanted to get back to that number and size range. (this was about 10 years ago...and did not involve atkins...) So it made setting my goals rather easy in that regard. Don't sell yourself short...but find the place where you feel physically GREAT! Where you don't mind a glance in the mirror...you enjoy picking out a new outfit...you aren't limited in the activities you want to pursue in life... whatever number that ends up being for you...that will be the right number! It is surely scarey to DREAM BIG...but you have the same tools that got you in the 'onederland' arena...and those tools will take you forward for the rest of your life! Make it about making you happy!!! and you will be right on track for SUCCESS...no matter what you weigh! Love.
29 Dec 10 by member: jsfantome
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Thank you - for the advice - and the love. I tend to overthink things so might just try a different tack with my weight and just see what happens. I don't log food any more as my eating pattern is pretty much set - I eat a little off plan now and again but am very VERY careful. So I may just continue that way for a while, or may visit the Atkins site and learn about OWL and start consciously adding more carbs - again scary! So many choices. But for now, one day at a time, one pound at a time - quite the adventure ahead. Thanks for your positive support. Gotta love this site and the people on it!
29 Dec 10 by member: sarahsmum
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Is - OWL is not that scary if you watch what you are doing...no matter gain, lose or draw...you are in total control. And you can always change it. So, if you add in something...and it bothers you, causes cravings, causes a stall or a gain...you eliminate it again. (you can always try to add it back in a couple of months later.) I started w/ just a couple of strawberries 2-3x's/ week...and they didn't bother me at all. Then I tried nuts...and although almonds don't seem to bother me...any other nut seems to produce massive cravings for me to overeat nuts by the container loads! (not good, obviously!)LOL!!! So, I backed off the nuts for some time now. I enjoyed adding in a few more layers of veggies...which I use the higher count veggies less often, but it makes a nice rotation w/ dinners...and eliminates the boredom factor. On rare occasions I have had cottage cheese, or peanut butter w/ celery, and once or twice a little more fruit w/ melons and assorted berries. None of those seemed to bother me, or affect my weight - either way. Just take your time w/ each addition. Only one food item per week. You don't have to eat it every day...but you do have to be patient and judge by the week how it is affecting you... don't forget to watch portions...and when climbing the ladder in OWL, be sure to go back to tracking everything...so you can see what is going on day to day! Very helpful!!!
29 Dec 10 by member: jsfantome
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So sorry to hear of all the personal issues you are having to deal with lately. It is so hard to deal with anything like that during the holidays. I too am like you with holding back the tears. Your right, it just can't be helped at times. Just remember Paula, you are human and we all slip up from time to time. BUT we all know now what we need to do to get right back on track. Don't beat yourself up for those Peanut M&M's. You did the right thing to get the temptation out of the house though. I'm very proud of all your accomplishments and I will always look up to you for your success and will power. Hope the rest of your day goes great. Talk soon and hang in there. :):)
29 Dec 10 by member: LauPug1
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Doing pretty good today...so far...I have danced to Pandora 80's rock!! What fun!! for 25 min's. Then took my tree all down and boxed up all the decorations around the house. One of my son's hauled the tree outside for me...so I cleaned my living room good...and have had bkfst w/ mom and son, done the dishes, and have already cleaned my upstairs fully. Not bad for 10:15am here... Hope you guys are well, too!
29 Dec 10 by member: jsfantome
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oh, and a load of laundry and some ironing to boot!!!
29 Dec 10 by member: jsfantome
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WOW, you're way too busy for me. All I want to do today is lounge around and do nothing. yawn, yawn.lol Of course, I did do the animal chores, tidied up the living room, dishes, swept the floors and cleaned the bathroom. I did more than I though I did.lol Have a great day.:)
29 Dec 10 by member: LauPug1
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