caged liberty's Journal, 22 June 2008

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING I HAVE LEARNT THIS WEEK IS...

THE POWER OF WORDS

Whether it is spoken, written or even unsaid, words are so powerful that they can make a person bleed; they can set a person free; they can make a person soar or they can tear at the heart.

This week I learnt that I misused the power of words for my own selfish and short lived pleasure. When I get angry, I sometimes attack with my words to wound the person, perhaps because I cannot inflict physical pain. But abusing someone ends up hurting you more than the person in the line of fire. Like a boomerang, the situation hits you back with a vengeance and you begin to feel guilt and remorse and end up becoming more distraught. Attacking someone also creates a reaction and usually the victim will attack back twice as hard. After all, its in our human nature to protect ourselves from harms way.

From this I have resolved to minimize conflicts by discussing and rationalizing with the person instead of using my words as a weapon of destruction. I got the opportunity to practise during a second flare up with my husband. I calmly explained that if he continued to shout and accuse me, that it would lead to feelings of resentment and upset but if he wished to continue he could do so, but suddenly he stopped. That was like a miracle. I managed to remain calm and make him be quiet.So by using carefully selected words, I was still able to express my feelings, in fact even more loudly and clearly than ever and still be able to resolve a situation. Later, when he had calmed down, I clarified his misconceptions and it was all cleared up without any conflict or sulking or verbal punches.

The spoken word becomes even more powerful when it is chosen correctly. I am still figuring this out but after reading so many journals here, I see people using negative words and negativity will just bring your mood down tenfold. Instead, we need to learn to use more positive language, even when things around us seem bad. One tip I got from TV was if a child is doing something wrong, you dont say "You are bad" because you are emphasising the 'badness'. Instead we are supposed to say "You are not being good" which encourages the behavior they should be striving for. So by using positive language, we limit the amount of emotional stress we cause ourselves. I thought to myself, "hey, now that I have begun trying to use positive words, I feel that my life is beginning to improve".Then as I reflected, no, my life hasn't changed, my vision has. Instead of seeing everything as half empty, I can now see things as half full.

The spoken word is powerful and the written word is also powerful. I wrote a letter to a couple of car dealerships to ask for some leasing information. I got a response asking, do you want to lease or buy? Of course, I was extremely miffed that they had obviously not read my email properly. I proceeded to express my annoyance for three paragraphs and then I stopped. I realized that just one sentence was enough to express my feelings without sounding like a raving lunatic. By deleting 2.5 paragraphs, I was able to maintain a professional image, get my feelings across and still be able to continue discussions without any hard feelings on either side.

Another powerful source of the written word..why here on Fatsecret of course. All the comforting comments, suggestions and loving messages have been my rock. I honestly believe that this place is helping me to transform in a million ways. Being able to journal and record and receive comments etc..makes me more dedicated to sticking to my dieting. I feel like I would be letting all my friends down if I were to just walk away and quit now. And I could never keep it up without the support of all the constant words I receive or get to read about. My most favorite written word? It has to be the email I received a couple of days ago. Someone had written that they had not imagined me looking like I did. So, I asked what they thought I looked like. Apparently, I sound like a 55 year old white granny!! I have not stopped smiling and occasionally giggling since reading that email. It was one of the most honest and funny words I have received from anywhere in ages. How funny that mere words have the power of tickling our funnybones!

Finally,this week I learnt that the most powerful word is the unspoken word. Yesterday, my daughter and I were talking about me banning her from the computer for shouting at me. During the discussion, I became emotional and began crying because when I had told my sisters about my battle with my daughter and trying to get her to do chores, one sister actually said "oh its the battle of the brats then is it??" That was so painful that just thinking about this and other such comments they had made, makes me cry. I felt so sad that, here at Fatsecret, complete strangers were offering me support but my own family used the power of their words to pain me, even if unintentional. As I started crying, my daughter slowly walked up to me, pulled me towards her and hugged me really tight.."Thats ok mom..dont cry..dont listen to them, I know what you are saying is right". After consoling me and calming me down, she went off a got me a coffee and sat next to me. Even though we didnt talk for a while, just her sitting besides me supportively spoke volumes and her gesture said the words I had longed to hear for so long:

I LOVE YOU MOM.

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1768 kcal

Activities & Exercise: treadmill - 30 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...