e-238's Journal, 26 October 2018

I'm in the middle of a major depressive episode. And I'm chronically depressed. And despite taking my anti-binge eating meds I've been bingeing. BAdly. I'
m trying really hard to not binge (and it's easier since there isn't a lot left in the house that I would eat LMAO).

I put off weighing myself until today but did it anyway.
I've somehow gone from 193 to 191.

Which feels bizarre because I would swear that I am fatter and bloated. even my neck feels fatter. I genuinely expected to weigh in with about 10 pounds more on me. What is wrong with my eyes/brain that I can't see me as otehr people eyes see me? I, ah, don't know how to fix my brain to tell / see when my body is losing weight.

Anyway. I have managed not to kill myself this week (it's been on my mind almost constantly)but my husband is being supportive, and of course, I know he could handle it, but I don't think he would be able to take care of our cats properly, and I don't know if my best friend would be able to take them for him....and she's the only person in the world I could and would trust with caring for them even though they are all needy, problematic but love babies.
191.0 lb Lost so far: 47.0 lb.    Still to go: 51.0 lb.    Diet followed poorly.
losing 0.8 lb a week

2 Supporters    Support   

Comments 
This is not good. Is the medication you are taking causing your depression? Have you talked to your husband and best friend about these feelings? My prayers are with you. 🙏 
26 Oct 18 by member: Erquiaga
Better days are coming. Your weight does not define you. Do not give in to those feelings as they will pass.  
26 Oct 18 by member: jaynears

     
 

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