kingkeld's Journal, 20 July 2012

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Friday, sweet Friday.

I'm gonna enjoy today. It's friday, and the last one with no work for a while, I believe. Or, actually, in a way the first one WITH work in a while.

You see, at 9:30 I have a meeting with my team leader about starting on work Monday. In a way, I guess that means I start work today. :) I have some different tasks than I would normally have, something that suits my recovery and energy levels a little better - for a shorter time.

It's all about getting out of the house and eased back into work. I don't want it to take forever - I just want to be sure I am ready for the mentally more challenging tasks before I do them. I deal with people's finances and their lives in several aspects, and I gotta be fit for fight before digging into that. I don't wanna screw anything up.

So.... yesterday...

I completely dropped the ball. I have no idea what happened, but I went in an eating frenzy. Either I was unstoppable, or my body was simply craving things that I haven't given it. Maybe both? I went for a little walk to get some fresh air, and I ended up having a hot dog, fries, chips, some candy. Several stops along the way. Of course, I knew I shouldn't do that, but I did anyways.

Then, we had dinner. Pasta with meat sauce. It was reasonably healthy made, plenty of vegetables, a fairly low amount of whole wheat pasta in there. But I ate WAY too much. I had bread on the side too.

Got snacky again later. Did a strawberry smoothie. Not bad. It's 0.5% milk with frozen strawberries and a little sweetener. Absolutely okay to have, but maybe not after a day like yesterday.

Well... I got on the scale this morning. I did NOT go to the restroom first (and haven't done #2 for two days), did not go pee, and I was dressed with pants, girdle, shirt, underwear etc., so it's not really fully representable of my actual weight. However, it said 88 kgs! I am absolutely shocked. I am supposed to be around 82-83 kgs by now. 88 - with clothes is simply not okay.

I gotta see this as a wakeup call. I need to be vigilant. I need to do right. I think I simply slide too often, and of course there is the bloating and water retention to deal with too.

I just have to - HAVE TO - make sure that it's not me slacking that makes me get heavier.

I look at my new body and it looks great. It fills out nicely. I don't see myself as "88 kg fat" at all. I don't see myself looking anything as I did when I was around 90 kgs. That's a good thing. I hope this is just a fluke, or a temporary gain from eating like a pig, water retention, lack of restroom visits and of course my clothes.

No matter, I am gonna do this right. I will - WILL - register all foods, to know what I'm doing. I will eat up to 2000 calories, as I have set out to do. I would lose weight at 1600, and my exercise calculator clams that I burn around 2500 calories when I just sit and sleep, so I figure 2000 is a good place to be.

This is what I will do, every day for a while. I need to.

Honestly, I am in shock seeing that weight-in.

I have chosen to not register it, as there are so many factors that makes it inaccurate. However, it is severely embedded in my mind. I guarantee you.

I will try to stay a little active, as much as I can. It's not like I've been just sitting for some time now. I take walks (from now on I will steer clear of any food outlets! LOL!), I play my bass standing up (burns at least some calories) and do little things here and there. So even if I am not doing any kind of focused workouts, then I am still moving around, being active. I'm far from sedentary, I think.

I have to say I am terrified of this weigh-in. I do not want this to slip for me. I do not want to EVER be back in that place. I have come so far - I have MADE IT TO THE END - and this number pops up, from out of nowhere.

Sure, I fit my jeans comfortably. They're two sizes larger than my smallest pants, but they fit. Mission is not lost. I put on my belt today, which is a good "measure stick" for me. I used to be 5(!) holes further in. Of course, again, measure in the girdle, two t-shirts tucked in, a whole new shape of my body. Before the operation, my belly would take up more room, surely. However, it was super soft, and could basically be placed as I wanted it. I could tighten my belt and it would simply adjust to it, squishing over or under the belt line. This I can't do any longer. Now my stomach is pretty tight, and where my belt stops is where my belt stops. I will most likely never make it into that tight of a belt size ever again. I'm okay with that. I do understand that I am simply shaped different now.

When I look at my body, it looks great. Really great. Sure, I need some muscle definition, but it looks amazing. It's something that I treasure, and it's something I'm willing to work for.

I am really looking forward to being able to get back on my bike again. I'm really looking forward to getting to exercise on a little more serious level than what I have. I'm really looking forward to shaping everything up. It's gonna be nice.

I think yesterday's binge was mostly a result of boredom. This last month has been the most boring month of my life. I think the whole thing just tipped yesterday. Oh well. No point in beating myself over it. It's already happened. I saw the number on the scale, that should be punishment enough. I just gotta learn from it, see what it's done to me and move back into the place where I know what I'm doing, get it done.

I know I have said this quite a few times lately. I think I've had too much of a hard time finding things to do - and we all know what happens when we get bored... I am SO looking forward to going back to work.

So, today I am thankful for:
- Getting to go back to work.
- A tough wake-up call for me. Do what you have to do, Keld. Shape up!
- Morning coffee!
- Having my awesome bass guitar gear set up so I can rock out in the mornings wearing headphones. Rock and roll at 11 at 6 AM!

Have a great weekend, folks! Life is good!

Diet Calendar Entry for 20 July 2012:

1339 kcal

Fat: 53.49g | Prot: 67.03g | Carb: 135.27g. Breakfast: Sliced Ham (Extra Lean), Egg, Rye Bread. Lunch: Ranch Salad Dressing (Reduced Fat), Asparagus (Drained Solids, Canned), Butter, Egg Omelet, Lettuce Salad with Assorted Vegetables, Shrimp. Dinner: Mushrooms (Drained Solids, Canned), Tomato Paste, Cheddar Cheese, Bell Peppers, Sliced Ham (Extra Lean), Bacon (Cured, Baked, Cooked), Asparagus (Drained Solids, Canned), Onions, French or Vienna Bread (Includes Sourdough). Snacks/Other: Plain Vanilla Creme Cake. more...

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Comments

Yep, that's definitely quite the wake-up call!! Glad it have you a little 'aha' moment, but you still seem very sensible about it all... And I love that you are loving your new bod so much!! ;)

19 Jul 12 by member: erika2633

That's tough but understandable - boredom is insidious and starts a vicious circle of low motivation and more boredom. You are doing SO well on your recovery, you can view this as a blip and I'm sure with a little determination you'll soon be back where you want to be. Getting back into some part time work hours and starting to include a little exercise will be all you need to get off the boredom treadmill, I'm sure. Go for it!

20 Jul 12 by member: Earthlady

Hey King! I have had a pretty bad week myself, so you are not alone in this. I hope we can get back on track today! It is good you will be more active soon due to work, perhaps those types of stresses got to you, or the impending Ramadan (Oh, that is me!). Anyway, good luck, I know you will stick around and "do the right thing".

20 Jul 12 by member: posterchild66

just as you had to learn early on...what it would take to consistently 'lose' weight - you are now in the territory of learning what it will take to 'maintain'. I know that you are well experienced in getting here! But for anyone who has gotten to their goal weight - over time - has found the challenges of 'maintenance' to be just as formidable as trying to lose. You - basically - have to keep your head in the game at all times! Boredom is a distractor! PLAN your time, PLAN your eating - and then work your PLAN!!! You can do this Keld!!! Much Love.

20 Jul 12 by member: jsfantome

Keld, you have lost a lot of weight and you just had a major surgery. Give yourself a little credit. It pains me to see you freak out about this stuff because I have faith in you and I want you to have that same faith in yourself. Maybe part of the reason for the bingeing is your body's way of overriding willpower to get what it needs to recover from the surgery. Clearly you wouldn't want to, nor have you, binge every day and eating just a little more than you were before the surgery might even things out. I understand your desire to shorten the recovery period as much as possible but pushing things too much could have a detrimental effect. Have you discussed with your doctor what a reasonable RDI would be for this stage in the recovery?

20 Jul 12 by member: Eringiffin

I can't sugarcoat this: You're undereating. You are recovering from a significant surgery, and you need energy to repair your tissue (google it if you're skeptical). Restricting calories after seeing water weight fluctuations on the scale is not going to do you any favors except psychological comfort. You did not put on several pounds of fat overnight, obviously, so why react to a fluctuation in your transient mass? Please do yourself a favor, and keep eating like you did yesterday. Ignore the scale. You can probably add as much as 10 to 12 lbs in labile mass that won't be fat, in your current state. Treating changes in that labile mass as adipose, or a sign that you're overeating, is not helpful right now.

20 Jul 12 by member: Nimm

I don't know Nimm, that didn't work for me post-op. (and I had a similar surgery) I continued eating normally (2000cal/day), despite not being allowed to do ANY physical activity. 4 weeks in I weighed the same, but had significant loss muscle (and gain of fat therefore to have the sale still read 180#) I didn't panic, didn't restrict because of the 'healing' my body was doing and not wanting to mess up my metabolism by going into 'starvation mode'. Well, the next 8 weeks packed on 20-25#s! And I am still carrying 10#s of it. I wish I would have restricted a bit - not to just 500 calories a day or anything - but 1200-1500.

20 Jul 12 by member: JessWhatINeeded

I'm not suggesting dramatically overeating for 2 months. But I am saying that cutting down to 2000 calories after surgery for an adult male is not enough. That's hardly even over his BMR. The fact that he still experiences large fluctuations on the scale that could not possibly be adipose suggests very strongly that he's below his TDEE in the first place.

20 Jul 12 by member: Nimm

wake up calls are good. the Nimm thread is interesting -- always interesting.

07 Aug 12 by member: Helewis


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