Transformation Butterfly's Journal

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09 January 2020

Thank you for the feedback as I expected to get some honest replies and some agitated response as that is the norm these days.

I was not always a diabetic and what I didn't include is that all of the office employees know that the owner of this company has been a life long diabetic and he is the one promoting good eating habits. I also neglected to tell you that we don't have vending machines and the only time donuts or sweet treats appear in the office is when a large group of people are talking about exercising and improving their life. I also didn't tell you that the HR manager is the person who brings in these donuts and is shocked when she goes from desk to desk asking if you want one. I have heard everyone tell her no Thanks and yet she continues to bring in donuts. I also didn't tell you that she also sends out monthly emails to everyone tell them about the benefits of healthy eating. This is not a corporate office but it's a large company with 23 locations throughout Florida and I work in the corporate Headquarter office.

Look for those of you who shared the type of donuts you love to eat and that you enjoy donuts. I applaud you as I love all types of foods from every country and I try to eat a variety of foods. I am also a chocolate lover and you know Valentines day is approaching and it's also the most tempting time of the year.

For the people who submitted comments about 20 somethings talking about losing weight and consuming at the same time. Guess what I was 20 something at one time along with everyone else and one day you will be my age if your lucky. I was once 115 pound in my 20's and could eat anything I wanted and would not gain a pound.
I was picked at everyday about being so skinny. (In fact I watched an episode of Wendy, where a 18 year old college student wanted to gain weight and Jillian Michaels was on and told him to consume health amounts of food every two hours at least 500 calories and he would gain weight. I was happy to hear her say consume healthy foods.) So as far as age is concerned we all have weight issue, but I have noticed that the 20 something I am referring to really have no body fat and are complaining about "muffin tops" because they can't fit into a size 3. (I realize you are young and you don't have a lot of life experience yet, but if you are healthy and establishing healthy eating habits you won't have weight issues as you age, but life does happen to us all and stress and family issues and life in general will come at you like a mack truck. There are so many other issues in life that are more relevant but at present you are in a small sphere.) Look when I was your age, I use to go the gym at 5 am and workout,shower and change go and work a full time job and then go back to the gym afterwork and then go home and study for my part time college classes I was taking and taking care of my mother and brother. (Going to the gym was my way of burning of stress as I had to become the bread winner in the family after graduating high school as my father walked away.)

In general I wrote the journal entry to bring attention to how we treat eat other and to be considerate of everyone and not just yourself. We need to look outward and not inward all of the time. We need to set goals, be good examples and move forward on our paths but to enjoy a full life it's the people we meet while on our journey's and how we treat those people. I thank you all for your feedback as I expected to have some of the responses, but the majority of the responses where positive.

Look as far as food is concerned everything in moderation is a good rule of thumb.

I hope my journal pushed some buttons for someone and got you motivated to move. If you got angry good then use that anger not to write, but to move your butt from the computer and to do something outside today and burn up your energy.

I hope my journal encouraged someone who is dealing with being under weight and feeling like the world is looking at you and saying you "look marvelous" or " your too Skinny" and you have to do everything in your power to stay a certain weight and warping your self image to meet their standards. (Find your own image of happiness, eat healthy and you matter at this point in life and everything you do now counts. Enjoy you youth and don't you dare fat shame anyone, because when you point a finger there are three fingers pointing back at you.)

I hope my journal addressed those of us who are older and are looked at as being old and out of shape. Yes, we may be older, Yes, we may have excess weight.(For what ever reason life has brought your way, weight is the one thing that we can take control of and change for the better and moving everyday is the key to the door, so put the key in the lock and open the door and walk through.)

Exercise for today:
4 am riding stationary recumbent bike for 45 minutes.
Cooking breakfast: Egg White omelet with 1.6 oz of mild cheddar, and broccoli from last night dinner with a 8 oz cup of breakfast tea.

Cleaning kitchen, unloading the dish washer and putting everything where it belongs, stripping bed and remaking it, separating laundry and putting into laundry bags and taking laundry bags (not sure of weight but heavy)
down stairs to load into car (Laundry to be done immediately after work today)

Paying bills, writing this journal and getting ready for work.
Working 8 hours
Ending day with another 45 minute exercise workout before going to sleep. (DVD)

It's now 6:42 am and I need to say good bye to get to work.

I hope this journal was a kick start for someone today.

I welcome all your feedback with love.

Have a great day and remember to move today!

(9 comments)

08 January 2020

I writing this journal for something that happened yesterday at my office and I notice that it happens every year. Seriously I want feedback on this as I am curious if I am the only one dealing with this.

This was my second day back at work for 2020 and it was very tense and a lot of work to be caught up on being I work in the accounting department.

The first day I over heard lots of other employees talking about losing weight and getting back into the gym. (Keep in mind the majority of the people talking about loosing weight are mid to late 20 and weight approximately 115 lbs and complaining that they are so fat.)
This was okay with me as they seem to have image issues and do anything and everything to be in with the click in the office. They complained about so many people in the gyms at 4 am. Saying things like "What is wrong with these people they should be sleeping" and "How come so many people are in the gym so early and it was wall to wall and I had to wait to use equipment". (This is thought was laughable and did so out loud. Really did you just fall out of the sky it's January prime time for GYM promotions) I responded they are doing the same thing you are trying to do and get there day started in the right direction.
I am not sure if these people are just spouting off at the mouth because they are looking for attention as eating healthy for them is fast food from local restaurants.

Now on the second day back for the New Year I walk into work and someone brought 2 dozen boxes of donuts!

The same people who are talking about exercising ,getting into shape , food modification, eating healthy and moving forward. I saw everyone of them eating donuts (Not just one either). I have an issue with people sabotaging others trying to really and lose weight. I am currently not fasting due to my diabetic condition as I can't regulate my blood sugars properly, but when I was able to fast I would have to ask my fellow employees to abstain from bringing sweet treats to my desk as they are fully aware that I go through a 40 day fast starting on Ash Wednesday every year and ends on Easter Sunday. ( I went so far as to posting a sign "Fasting" to stop them dead in their tracks.)

Why is it that we find it normal to bring sweet treats to work at the beginning of the year to work? Why is it that they see people loosing weight compliment you one day and sabotage the next day?

(13 comments)

04 January 2020

I spent a good part of 2019 planning for 2020 and the changes I need to make to get the weight off and drop negative people from my sphere. Plan to succeed, educate, motivate and move more are my keys to open the door on this journey of weight loss.

I love to cook and I like trying new dishes but for the last 3 years I have not had a chance to do the kind of cooking I like and not spending time at home hurt my health and weight loss goals.

Purchased Diabetic cookbooks and books on how to overcome this disease. (The people I was associated with for the last 3 years don't tend to read anything at all even when presented with reading materials. Forgot to mention that they are all suffering from various health issues from High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol, Diabetes, Obesity as I mentioned yesterday association with bad behavior will affect you if you are not aware.) Purchased a slow cooker (A few of the cookbooks are to utilize this tool) My dream purchase was to have a Kitchen Aid mixer, but the cost was always out of my reach. I closed my eyes and purchased one in December so this is one thing that I have always wanted but for years I sacrificed funds to help others and didn't get anything for myself including clothing. ( I put an end to this in the last two months also. Granted being a size 12 is not where I want to be but I will work to get back down as I know what it was like to be a size 5/6 many, many, many moons ago but would prefer to be a 7/8.)

I started curbing my associations toward the end of 2019 and this was met with shunning and the silence treatment from some of my so called associates.(I say associates instead of friends, because true friends are with you and support your best you.) Fine with me as of my last doctors appointment my numbers are mostly within the normal ranges for well managed Diabetic. My A1C is down to 6, medication cut into 1/2 and doctor has changed my appointments from every three months to every 6 months, so something I am doing is working.

Everyone needs to improve and learn in order to continue to move forward in this lifetime.(Lesson I learned from grandmother "You continue to learn until the day your eyes close for the last time".) My main support came from my Mother and Grandmother so I tend to refer to them a lot, I apologize up front but when these people are no longer in your life memories are all you have left.

I am an overcomer!!!!!!
I can surrender all to have my best life !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All the single ladies!!!!!!!!!
Good as Hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just a few songs that I love to go to when I need a boost to myself.

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03 January 2020

HELLO 2020!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has been a long time since I was in Fatsecret. I have to admit I was doing so much better when I was involved in Faatsecret. I have gone through so much drama in my life and made it out on the other side. The last straw happened a year ago when I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. Diabetes is not new to my family but has taken my Grandmother and mother from this world. I am tired of my weight and being tired.

Weight has been an issue with me all of my life. First off I was picked in school and at home for being 115 lbs every single day. I actually went out looking for ways to gain weight in order to stop the bullying. Amazing how time has changed these days it is the opposite now I am picked at for being overweight and this is from my only living relative a twin brother who refers to me as THE COW or the b-----. (Walked away from him 13 years now and refuse to answer calls from him as all he ever call me now demanding $$) Co-workers (all in early 20-30) who talk about me behind my back. I eat lunch at my desk everyday and spend much of every work day in my cubicle listening to books on CD as there conversations don't include me unless they want the opinion of an Afro-American. I became a member of a church 3 years ago that with the pastors help, showed me how to come back out of the shell I had incased myself in but over the years I have been taking negative comments from some of the members, because I am not JAMAICAN and most of this church is made up of Jamicans ranging from 50-90 year olds. In three years I have managed to over look those comments as they are coming from people who really don't have a faith filled life and look down on everyone else around them and are not willing to change and are set in there ways. The pastor tried for 3 years to change this culture and finally decided to leave and take a full time job else where in the country after obtaining her doctorial degree as she was not Jamacian either. I don't see color, class or status but human beings that need to change for the better. I am there for people when a love one passes away, when they need a hot plate of food or a ride to the local grocery store. I have even paid a past due light bill or telephone bill so that they could feel that someone carried but I don't have that kind of support from these people. I am writing this now to one admit that this was my life and how I lived it.

I have come to the realization that I must surround myself with people who are motivated to move forward in this world with health, heart, happiness and positive out pouring of love. I realize that people hate change, but I can't live around or socialize with TOXIC energy any longer and I am not going through another year of self neglect and doing everything to make other people happy an allowing them to make me miserable. (My mother taught us to be careful who you associate with as you will become like them if your not aware of your own mind.)

I made a promise to myself in 2020 this is the year for ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I started of the this year by taking the first week off work and church to get my head and heart focused on getting back what I have lost over the years and finding me.

This is the 3 day of a new year and I have cleaned my apartment and gotten rid of reminders of the past and people. Yesterday I started walking on the treadmill again and dusted off my recumbent bike. Effective as of today I went to the optometrist to get my eye checked and get new glasses to see this year clearly. My Medical doctor says that I did a full reversal in my test scores from a year ago, but I need to get my weight under control to maintain my diabetes. Effective as an hour ago I ordered my first FITBIT from QVC and will start wearing it everyday once it arrives.

I woke up this morning and found out that OPRAH was here in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. She spoke about changes for weight, wellness and over all living your best life.

This is my motivation for 2020 and I hope to have the support of you as I move forward on this Journey of weight loss with you.

HELP, SUPPORT AND VALIDATION NEED NO OTHERS NEED APPLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Weigh-in: 193.0 lb

lost so far: 0 lb

still to go: 53.0 lb

Diet followed poorly

(12 comments) losing 0.1 lb a week

07 June 2018

Hello Fatsecret family,
This was my first time recording my current weight since coming back. I have to give my shout out to my buddies who journal everyday and state your progress.
This morning I physically got up and out of bed at 4:00 am to do my exercise. This was always my exercise time and the alarm clock never stopped going off. I just ignored it as I was under doctors orders not to exercise at all just go to work and come home. This type of advice was not cool as I have sever arthritis in both knees since 2008. (Back story: I was told I was walking bone on bone as no cartilage between joints, but with my own vitamin supplements and eating more fish and vegetables and exercising I overcame and then the doctors could not believe I was not suffering any pain and getting stronger and healthier.) I then had to undergo a surgery that side lined me again and doctors now telling me to do nothing. I was hit with one thing after another and another, but I survived hurricane Irma and things started turning around for the better.

I had a picture taken recently that showed how much weight I have gained, I also had people at my church telling me how fat I have gotten. (Keep in mind that these women do nothing, but sit and inhale food and they are all older than me. I took in these comments as they didn't build me up but tear me down.) This was a wake up call for me as I looked at these elders and told myself that I don't want to end up like these women, but move out of this atmosphere. This is what brought me back to Fatsecret family. I use to motivate people on this site and encourage everyone to hang in there, but I went into a dark period of time and now I can see the light again. "What does not kill you makes you stronger!"

I love the recent journal of my buddy Chesgreen as he stated "stinking thinking".
I honestly believe that you must get away from toxic people in order to improve and you must do what works for you. So instead of ignoring email alerts with journals, I started reading the journals before I went to lunch and it helped me to stay accountable for my actions.

My goal this morning was to get up and get moving when the alarm went off at 4am.
I did and got up and went to my recumbent bike that I brought out of storage on Sunday. It was my intention to ride it for 1 hour not at an extreme pace but to just start off the workout. My muscle in my right leg had another plan as it start spasming at 40 minutes into the ride. This sent me back to my bed for awhile to rest until it stopped, but I did get enough of a workout in to burn 175 calories this morning. I then read the journals and all your loving support.

These are the things that worked for me in the past and I am going to make every effort to get back to them now:

1. 4 am workouts
2. Early morning meditation
3. Cooking and eating breakfast at home
4. Using Aqualert app to monitor my water intake daily.
5. Turning off the TV and read something positive.
6. Start telling people "NO" when they try to give me foods that I should not be eating.
7. Walking at lunchtime. (Will need to locate a place to do this current temp 95 degrees.
8. Evening workouts (Tae Bo, Tai Chi, various exercise videos)
9. A poster board on my bedroom wall tracking positive moves daily with motivational images.
10. Spend time working with my plants on my patio and relaxing in this space daily.

These are the things that worked for me in the past and I slowly gave up after being told to stop.

PS: The doctor who told me stop working out is now under investigation for insurance fraud. How ironic is that? Searching for a new doctor who really wants to see me improve and not just write a prescription for medication for the rest of my life.

Slow start but I will keep going.

(5 comments)

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