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Transformation Butterfly's Journal

 
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11 July 2020

Hello Fat Secret Family,

It's been a few weeks since my last journal. I bit the bullet and purchased a treadmill for my one bedroom apartment home. Reason for purchase to get walking in while at home nightly and on weekends as I am pretty much home bound if not at work (Not able to walk in parks and gyms are not in my sphere due to me being high risk.} The treadmill arrived on Wednesday and I picked it up from UPS on Thursday night as I didn't want anyone in my disinfected apartment. (Did I say I live in Florida) I was so excited and had a plan to get it set up on Saturday. I took Friday off work to restock my apartment with supplies (food, gloves, medication, etc., especially as I had not been shopping for at least two months as I had enough of the essential to make it for another two weeks.)

While driving home from work Thursday, after making last bank deposit of the day. I received a call from a co-worker on my mobile phone device telling me you know the issue with the office. I informed her that I had not received any emails or calls from anyone and it's almost 7pm. This person proceeded to tell me that someone in the office had tested positive with covid-19, after hanging out with friends over the July 4th. I told this person I knew something was wrong as a lot of closed door meeting taking place around 4 pm, but I was not told anything at all. I wear a mask all day everyday since March (Only person in the office doing so as I had ordered supplies back in January for my own safety. Company did not provide hand sanitizer or mask until May. I was also cleaning workspaces in my area with bleach and pine soil since March with out any issues. In June. I had a woman in my area complain to my boss about the cleaning and I was told to only clean my immediate area. I informed the other employees who use the shared space that they would be on there own as I was no longer cleaning. Ironically the person testing positive with covid was the same woman who complained about me cleaning and only came into the office twice a week since March for approximately 3 hours each time. This woman came to work on Tuesday coughing and sneezing on everything and even asked if I had any Lysol that she could spray her area. I informed her that we had not seen a bottle of Lysol since March.

I woke up early Friday and made the rounds picking up supplies from local stores, purchased a money order to mail weekly church tithes, and by 11 am I was back home doing laundry and disinfecting floors and counters. I received another call from co-worker telling me that a professional company would be in on Saturday to disinfect the entire office. (I have not seen my only son since December and have not been around any friends as we talk on the phone nightly.) I isolate every weekend and don't go anywhere until Monday morning and its work and home five days a week. Now I had to make an appointment to be tested for covid19. God was smiling on me after hanging up the phone I went online and got an appointment for MD Now for Saturday at 8:30 to be tested. (I did everything right and stayed home and away from people and now I may have covid19 because this woman had to hang out with her friends and party on the fourth of July. I watched fireworks sitting in a chair looking out of my bedroom window.)

It's Saturday at 3 am and I have not slept much at all as I am very nervous about testing. My son told me over the phone that he's sure that I am okay as I have not been showing symptoms and he does not want to talk about the virus. (My son is 21 years old, and normally attends FAMU University, my parents and grandparents are all dead, so I am the only one left on this side of the family.) I fell asleep sometime after 6:00 am and woke up at 7:30 rushing to get dressed for my appointment. (Luckly for me site is 6 minutes from my home). Arrived at site and cars sitting waiting for urgent clinic to open at 8:00 not one cancellation. Test took a total of 20 minutes including filling out paper work. It was uncomfortable having a swab shoved up my nose and it felt like it was hitting my tonsils. (Not physically possible but felt that way and burned a little. Tech told me that it might cause me to cry, but I am tough as my son said. Did I mention that I arrived wearing a mask and gloves and some people came without mask.) The receptionist was trying to hold it together as she told me and another lady that her father had died this morning but not from covid19. I received a call from a friend in Orlando around 2 pm telling me that he found out yesterday that he has prostate cancer stage 1.5 and will be going to surgery within a week his Name is Eddie Miller. I don't normally ask for prayers but I need my fat secret family to pray along with me for Eddie as he has two beautiful daughters age 9 and 10 and he is the only income earner for his family. He's like my brother from another mother if you can understand me. I told him he would be okay and he better do everything the doctors say or I will get in my car and drive up to Orlando during covid19 to kick his butt. I have 5 days to wait to see if I have covid19. Can I tell you sitting and looking at a treadmill in a box right now does not seem so very important. I will wake up on Sunday, morning (God willing) and strap on my sneakers, unpack that treadmill and get moving as this is the only thing I have some kind of control over right now.

The song , "I can only imagine" has come to me now while writing this journal and I getting a little emotional right now. I just want to say to all of you who have been responding to my post and are my friends on this site. THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! To anyone who is reading this journal today, please think about someone else before you walk out of your house without a mask as you could be putting the next person you come into contact with on slow death sentence.

I will check in again tomorrow, as I have 5 days to contemplate my life.

24 June 2020

I hve been off the website now for 48 days and my weight increase is a good indicator as to how I have been doing. I have been working as an essential worker while half my company is working from home since March. I have been driving to work and wearing a mask all day while my co-workers are looking at me as if I am typhod mary. I am a black woman who is considered high risk based on my being a Type 2 diabetic that suffers from arthritis (both Knees) and have an immune system that doesn't work like everyone else. I have been taking extra precautions with the help of a friend who has been providing me with mask and gloves. My own company didn't give us mask until May.

I had my six month check up last Friday and basically my good cholesterol is low and my bad cholesterol is lower than my good cholesterol (stopped eating red meat over a year ago). My AIC however went from 6 to 6.7. I admit that over the last 48 days I went off my normal food and started eating pizza, hamburgers and snacks as buying fresh vegetables or even frozen vegetables are hard to find in local stores. (Based on my health issues I tend to shop in off hours and wear my mask and gloves.) I know that I tend to eat crap when I get stressed out and trust me the present situations have stressed me out.

So this is my reality check this morning on the scale (had not touch it in 48 days) this has shocked me back to getting down to business regarding loosing the pounds. I am now currently in the obese category. I was watching a show called Fit to Fat to Fit and at the end of the episode I said that was me as I was once 115 lbs (drunk every kind of protein powder to gain weight and was picked at everyday for being skinny and now I am obese and my only living sibling refers to me as a "COW" (Walked away from this toxic person and left no forwarding address and blocked my phone) but I know I can be skinny again. I looked into Weight Watchers a month ago but passed on it as can't receive food shipments. Anything left outside my apartment doors are stolen by kids in the building.

I am determined to get back into my 4 am workout routine minus walking on a treadmill or street for safety reasons before going to work Mon. - Fri. for now. Goal now get my weight down and good cholesterol higher. (Six months befor next medical visit- Hopefully not virtual by that time.) Open to suggestions
Weigh-in: 201.0 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 61.0 lb Diet followed poorly
   (7 comments) gaining 1.2 lb a week

09 May 2020

It has been 48 days since I last logged on to fatsecret. I put my workouts and fit bit on hiatus over the last 48 day due to working my butt off everyday and having my home computer hacked while attending online church services. I thank God that I have a job and my company is considered essential but only 20 of us are required to physically go into work everyday. I must admit that my meal preps had to stop as lunch times are now 15 to 30 minutes, lot of work to do. I started eating from McDonald, Burger King and Arby's. I guess you can say I have been stress eating and coming straight home and crawling back into bed. I am wearing a mask everyday all day as I am considered a high risk person. I need help to get back my motivation to work out. I am normally the cheerleader to support others,but I am finding it hard to do at this time. The only positive thing I have managed to do is to keep the plants on my balcony watered everyday. Plants are beautifully green and hibiscus on balcony blooming everyday. I take this as a sign that things will come back to normal just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I am looking for any kind of suggestions as maintaining my health and immune system is critical.
Weigh-in: 193.0 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 53.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (2 comments) steady weight

22 March 2020

I am not working from home like everyone else so I see everything going on in the streets first hand. I normally work in an office with 50 people and now I go to work everyday with a total of 10 people. The 9 people that are coming to work everyday are hard working people that know what it means to go without. It's funny to me know that when I was trying to clean my work space with bleach as it use to be a storage area and I moved into this space without it being cleaned. I was told OMG what's that smell. (3 years ago. My response back then was it's obvious you don't clean your house as you don't know what bleach smells like. ) Flash forward to today and now you don't hear one person saying anything about cleaning with bleach,pine soil or lysol. I am a high risk person according to the CDC, but I am going to work everyday (Taking steps to secure my own health and safety). I use my own money to take cleaning product to my office to clean everything I a come into contact with as this building and office are filthy and I watched these people cut and run for home and left us to deal with there dirt.
Can I tell you that on Tuesday morning when I arrived at work armed with bleach, pine soil and paper towels not one of the 9 people remaining had any negative comments. After working a full week in this office I watched the remaining people clean up after themselves and are now willing to help each other maintain a safe space for each of us.


I watched these entitled people come into work and expect the cleaning lady, who came in the office twice a week to clean up their mess like the house keeper that comes to their house every week to clean.(I told her she could skip my work space as I would clean it up myself everyday. I know what its like to clean other peoples mess for a living. My grandmother did everyday until the day I told her to stop as she was struggling to walk and catch 3 buses to get to work. My grandmother worked hard to provide for her daughters, so that they could have a better life and future.) Three weeks ago I heard one person say to another that the cleaning lady they sent to her apartment wanted $95 to clean the apartment her and her boyfriend shared. They told her it was too much money. ( It is amazing to me that they are working from home now and complaining that the cleaning lady has not come to their house to clean and everyone chiming in online emails and telling them it's going to be okay and stay strong. These people don't have a CLUE and they think they are struggling. (I wonder how much money they are now spending to clean up there own mess as they must now live isolated in their own mess.)

My mother was a nurse so I know from her how to clean and I was raised with my mom coming home everyday and not being able to hug her until she had isolated herself from us and put her dirty clothing in a solution of detergent and bleach and showered completely before coming into contact with her family. I valued these lessons from these strong women who took care of their families.

This is the month of women. In the present time and condition I honor the deceased women in my family that gave me life lessons that are being put into practice today and I am not running around crazy looking for toilet paper.
See I was lucky to be raised among great, great grand parents that survived the crash of 1920 and the great depression in this country. I listened to their stories and learned how to stock a pantry properly. I heard numerous people talk about my grandmother at her funeral and agreeing that you could always come to her house and knock on the door after getting off the greyhound bus and say your hungry.(Didn't matter if it was 2 am, she would tell you come on in and sit down and go into the kitchen and within a few minutes produce something that made your mouth water and she would send you away with a bag of left overs to feed you for the next two days.

I practice what I was taught by her for years. My next door neighbor has knocked on my door numerous times asking for a cup of milk or sugar and I never fail to not give her what she needs to make her family work and never once gave an excuse as to why I could not help. She knocked on my door a couple of days ago and asked if I needed a case of water as she thought about me when she went to work at PUBLIX. (Local grocery store) She even told me that her cousin was in her apartment when she ran out of milk and didn't want to drive to the store. Her cousin told he why are you bothering that women when you can drive to the store and she probably does not have any milk anyway. She told me that her cousins mouth hit the floor when she came back with the milk. I have only lived in this building 4 years. (The landlord has a cleaning lady who catches a bus and comes to the building everyday to mop the hallways and clean the stairwells and elevator. She knows that I have been known to mop the floor outside my apartment early in the morning before I go to work so she has less work to do and I have picked up other peoples garbage and taken it down stairs to the trash receptacle.)

I am writing this journal today to say these people have lives and families. They are not the invisible people and they deserve every penny they earn. They deserve your respect and not the crumbs you care to toss at them. Value the person next to you and don't ever put yourself up so high that you look down on anyone, because circumstances can change and they will be the ones looking you in the face and helping you to get up and make it to another day. The next time your in a hospital and you are giving a nurse HELL remember that she has to put up with people like you for 365 days a year and then go home to her family and smile. Better yet have you thought to go and give that nurse a gift card and say THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gratitude goes a long way, but you must put action into your words everyday as none of us are promised tomorrow.

Honor all the women in your life this month and everyday.
Weigh-in: 193.0 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 53.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   (4 comments) gaining 0.5 lb a week

09 March 2020

Weigh-in: 192.0 lb lost so far: 0 lb still to go: 52.0 lb Diet followed reasonably well
   add comment steady weight

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