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My body is so weird. Up and down, up and down, then nothing for a long time, then up and down. Hopefully this down sticks!
I've really just been too busy to eat. Obviously I've been eating enough to sustain me, but no real binges the last few days. I've also started putting coconut oil and almond milk in my morning coffee. I'm thinking almond joy, but it's more mmm greasy lips. I really wish I could figure out a way to get the oil to emulsify instead of just floating in creepy blobs on the top of my coffee. Anyway, I think it has definitely helped. I'm not starving throughout the morning.
I still see my body as fat. My last pair of jeans was a size 10 which is a reasonable size! I'm big boned so I'm never, EVER gonna be a size 2. I am lucky that my body weight is pretty evenly distributed. I guess I'm an hourglass. I'm 5'5" and now I'm at 177. In my head that is HUGE! I started at 214 so now I've lost 37 lbs. I see pictures of myself from my parent's 50th anniversary which was 2 1/2 years ago and I am sooo fat, but I still see myself like that in the mirror. I mentioned in another journal wanting to look cute for Christmas parties, and I started looking online at dresses, but everyone I liked I just thought, oh I can't show my flabby arms in that one, or oh my legs are just too fat and I would look terrible. It's so FRUSTRATING!!! I want to be comfortable in my body. I want to look at myself in a dress and think oh I look pretty.
Just at a random chance I was watching a YouTube video on how to set a pumpkin on fire, and the ad they showed before it was by Dove soap on legacies women give to their daughters. My Mom definitely passed hers on to me, and I'm afraid I'm doing it to my daughter. You should Google this ad. It's eye opening. They had the women make a list of everything they didn't and did like about their bodies. Then they had the women's daughters do the same. These little girls were about 7. The lists matched almost perfectly. WHY DOES A 7 YEAR OLD GIRL HATE HER ARM OR HER BUTT??? I need to just start telling myself I look good and maybe I will start believing it.
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176.6 lb
Lost so far: 37.4 lb.
Still to go: 36.6 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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losing 6.1 lb a week
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1 to 20 of 22
 Comments
12 Oct 14 by member: SherrieC
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I can't get past the greasy feel and taste of coconut oil. I do love coconut. Mmmmm thinking a spicy Thai coconut curry sounds like a plan later in the week.
I do the same with clothes, I have these granny wings I'm trying hard to get rid of and hate the look of flabby muscles I see if I put on anything form fitting. I think my legacy came more from my dad's expectation that I fit the image of a high powered corporate spouse. Course I'm not and rebelled from that fake lifestyle that I grew up in.
No ideas on how not to feel that way. Me? I'll just keep working out and keep my goal of being a 66 yo great gramma looking amazing in a bikini next year. LOL. It will mean I'm fitter and that I've been following my exercise plan.
12 Oct 14 by member: wholefoodnut
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I saw your post about ads in a different thread, couldn't post to it. Mine today keeps popping up Popeye's chicken.
12 Oct 14 by member: wholefoodnut
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What time is dinner? I love Thai but never eat it. I LOVE coconut and but the unrefined just because it smells amazing. Trust and believe if I could afford plastic surgery I would have my arms, chin, butt, thighs, and stomach done. I have never in my life worn a bikini. Mostly because my Mom would have killed me, but because I've never had that much self confidence. It's actually been years since I wore a swim suit at all. I HATED in PE during school when we had swimming, because you just knew all the girls were judging each other. I hate how snarky women can be to each other. I once had an older woman come up to me while I was working on one of my claw machines and tell me I must be very smart to be a woman working on these machines. O_o Yes, I am proud to have overcome the brain draining powers of my vagina. REALLY???? I understand she was raised in that time period, but 2014 is almost over. Don't worry I was respectful and just smiled at her. I knew it was a compliment. The bible (and you will almost never hear me quote that book) says Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. So maybe it's just an imprint on our brains when we are young. Wow this is rambling isn't it? Ok, so changing subject... That thread you are talking about started with someone saying they were seeing Popeye's chicken ads on here. Too funny!
12 Oct 14 by member: Instantcrazy
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Instantcrazy, get comments all the time about the things I do outside of work. Lots of what I grew up with I rebelled against as I was in college 1967-1972. It was a time of many transitions in American society. My view of having to fit into the subservient role of a corporate wife was challenged and changed. Though I still ended up with 2 controlling DH's. I learned that I can tackle anything I choose to, not limited by the typical gender roles. My daughters have the same attitude and so do my granddaughters. I used to swim and water ski competitively when I was in high school. So swimsuits were normal attire. Would love to switch to the gym with a pool but currently that does not fit my skinny budget.
12 Oct 14 by member: wholefoodnut
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Dinner today, if I don't forget is veggie and bean soup. Instead of the promised warm sunny day, it's cloudy, damp, and chilly. Soup fits the day. Thinking maybe some corn muffins, haven't had any for a long time.
12 Oct 14 by member: wholefoodnut
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Sorry, just wanted to say about the oil in coffee - have you tried blending it? I think that's how bulletproof coffee is made and that's supposed to help.
12 Oct 14 by member: m.arb
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I thought about it because someone mentioned an immersion blender, but the thought of hot coffee going all over my kitchen is daunting. How do you blend it without going to the ER?
12 Oct 14 by member: Instantcrazy
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12 Oct 14 by member: unamoyer
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Skinny budget...and now you're skinny...haha sorry I amuse easily. I downloaded a lighter app on my phone last night and spent at least 15 minutes on that thing. I have adhd can you tell? Sadly my 3 sisters all fit into that mold. I'm the 4th of 4 and I think I must have been one of those eggs that was questionable or about to expire, because I am NOTHING like anyone in my family. I'm such a source of pride for my parents(sarcasm). In fact I just had a fight with my mom about me last week. I'm 42 and she is 78. My dad actually had to step in. At what point to parents just want you to be happy, and figure out you're never going to fit in their mold? I'm not doing bad, I am actually pretty happy with my life in general. Sure it has stressful times, but who's doesn't? So, I think I will make chili for dinner now that you mentioned soup. Sorry, adhd.
12 Oct 14 by member: Instantcrazy
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Grins... my coconut oil is in my bathroom. I use on my skin and on my hair, make salt scrubs with it, deodorant (thanks to someone here). Reminds me I need to add some lemon balm to some today.
12 Oct 14 by member: wholefoodnut
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Draglist I commented that I've been hungry a lot lately in the morning and you suggested I try it. That's why I started doing it, and you're right it does help. Maybe I'll try a regular blender and see if that works. Wholefoodnut, how do you make your creations?
12 Oct 14 by member: Instantcrazy
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Great weight loss! Your weight history is out of the red zone! Keep going!
12 Oct 14 by member: Deb_N
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Super simple... heat the coconut up enough to melt, toss some herbs in. Today it is lemon balm and rosemary. Let them sit a couple weeks and you have scented oil. I do that with olive oil for cooking to make flavored oils. Scrubs are basic sea salt add coconut and pomace olive oil (cheaper than evoo) about 1/2 of each until it is moist. You can add essential oils if you want to. Deodorant was one that I found out about here, sorry can't remember who. Teaspoon of arrowroot and baking soda- mix with about 1/2 cup of liquid coconut oil. Use a bit rubbed in, works terrifically! I'm allergic to the aluminum in anti-perspirent. And the ones without it are expensive and don't seem to work that well.
12 Oct 14 by member: wholefoodnut
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Good job on the loss! We all can use a shot of confidence every now and then. No matter how big I got I still would go swimming. Yes, it was a challenge in the bathing suit area :) Generally, I would go on vacation where no one knew me. Guess what...I wasn't the only big gal there. Just go out and enjoy life no matter what size you are. I still automatically go to the larger sizes while shopping, probably out of force of habit. Also, I still see myself as huge. Work in progress. Have fun!
12 Oct 14 by member: kattay
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I read that if you put the coffee, coconut oil and flavorings in the blender it creates a very creamy hot drink. I hate coffee, so I have not tried this yet. But, people rave about it. Look up recipes for bullet coffee
12 Oct 14 by member: Changingme1
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I am 5'5" and would absolutely do cart wheels across the nearest McDonalds parking lot if the scale weighed me in at 177. It's all perspective, isn't it? I remember seeing photos of me at less than that weight and thinking that I was fat...now I would be so thrilled I would strut around like the Queen of the World...shit....let's just own it anyway no matter what weight we are! Who's with me???!!!!
13 Oct 14 by member: You are lovable
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What I notice in this thread is people who are hard on themselves.
InstantCrazy, you are not huge. And you are not alone in transcending the legacy of your mother's body image issues. (I could go on and on.) And lots of people think of things by association. That doesn't mean you have ADHD. I think this is partially a girl thing - constantly self-deprecating.
After reading Kattay's comment about still seeing herself as huge I went to look at her bio. She survived an unhappy childhood, two abusive marriages, and cancer, has lost OVER 100 POUNDS and is less than 20 pounds from her goal. But she self-identifies as huge, not a survivor and an inspiration.
Hug to you all.
13 Oct 14 by member: JW4444
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You can do it. It's crazy the way you can lose the weight and get to your dream size - for me a ten, and then, look in the mirror and not feel your success. Watch the numbers and celebrate every pound till your goal- that is, your goal- not some one else's crazy, unattainable goal.
13 Oct 14 by member: Sherwood45
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It is weird, I was standing line at some store last week. I was feeling overweight and dumpy. I did have on a sweater that was too tight last year and now rather baggy and my jeans held up by a belt so they wouldn't fall off. I had to remind myself that I had lost those pounds. The jeans now are for painting, and the sweater, not sure yet, it might work layered. Figured maybe it was the clothes making me feel that way.
13 Oct 14 by member: wholefoodnut
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