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So, I'm back, having recently come to the conclusion that I didn't really want to lose weight this whole time, both on FatSecret and during my breaks from it.
I know how to lose weight. I've done it before. And I know exactly what I need to do to do it again, yet these last few years I've managed to convince myself that not doing those things was part of my plan to lose weight. Ugh. We lie so well to ourselves.
So here's what I've accepted. For whatever reason, I subconsciously wanted to be fat for this time. I'm an introvert. I like being the person in the group who blends in with the background, who just listens, and only occasionally joins in the conversation. I like this, because I hate people seeing me. I feel uncomfortable when people look at me like they're really seeing me. I much prefer to be anonymous. Which is why I love FatSecret so much because I can actually be myself, without actually drawing attention to myself. What can I say? I'm a complex mess of a person, exactly like I suspect many of you are.
Anyway, it recently dawned on me that being fat was a way to make it more likely that people would overlook me, that they wouldn't focus on me, and... I was okay with that. And that realization led to another realization that I must be dealing with some mental and emotional shit because I don't think mentally and emotionally healthy people think like that.
So, after some therapy, I'm back. I'm not exactly ready for people to see me just yet, but I'm ready to start working on it. And I've decided that I actually don't want to be fat anymore.
Diet Calendar Entry for 16 March 2018:
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859 kcal
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Fat: 35.56g | Prot: 96.21g | Carb: 36.84g.
Breakfast: Herbalife Protein Drink Mix - Vanilla, Herbalife Nutritional Shake Mix - Pralines & Cream. Lunch: Fresh Express Spring Mix, Chicken Breast, Parmesan Cheese (Shredded), T. Marzetti Caesar Baked Croutons, Ken's Steak House Country French with Vermont Honey Dressing. more...
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