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Someone said something in response to another members journal that really bothered me today. She said "Feel free to look at my large 245lb body with disgust". That hurt me on a really deep level and I know that it shouldn't have, because she wasn't talking about me, but at the same time, she has been conditioned to believe that it is ok for people to look at her with disgust.
I don't know if she has been heavy her whole life, I don't know her, but I have and my whole life has been wrought with looks of disgust. People aren't afraid to tell me that I am a "fat B*tch" or "disgusting lardass", things of that nature. I once had a girl tell me "People like you never last so, so why don't you just go fold shirts or something" when she was supposed to be training me on the job. I have been looked at with disgust, contempt, hatred, pity, I have been talked about loudly by grown adults. I have been harassed and ridiculed, and made to feel like garbage. So much so, that I stopped going into stores, stopped enjoying time with my family and friends because I was worried about people making fun of me.
It is never ok to treat someone less than human just because they do not fit into the mold of what people consider "normal" or "acceptable".
Do I have a weight problem? Yes, I do.
Do I know that its not healthy? Yes, I do.
Am I still a human being, who deserves to be able to walk though a store without whispers and mean looks? Yes, I am, and I do!!
So, no please, do not look at my large 430lb body with disgust. I know its not perfect, but I am doing my best.
I do hope that the person who posted that understand that just because she is overweight, doesn't mean that she deserves to be treated badly. Weight doesn't define who we are as people, it is only our outward appearance.
Diet Calendar Entries for 20 February 2018:
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1042 kcal
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Fat: 60.60g | Prot: 106.77g | Carb: 11.20g.
Lunch: Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise, Jimmy John's Avocado Spread, Jimmy John's #11 Country Club Unwich. Dinner: Del Monte Cut Green Beans, Hidden Valley Ranch Salad Dressing, Pork Chops (Top Loin, Boneless, Lean Only). more...
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5501 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Driving - 30 minutes, Desk Work - 8 hours, Resting - 7 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
@Bonnie Senn, yes, people thrive under pressure and criticism at times, but there is a difference in coming down hard on someone and treating them with disgust. Trust me, I have had both. I never implied that the comment was directed at anyone, but to feel that way about yourself is just as bad. I am not saying that I should accept my body as it is, because its not what it should be, but I cannot look at myself with disgust, because that hurts me in the end. When I am disgusted with myself, it gives me excuses to quit. "I will never make it" "I will fail". Positive reassurance has to come from within, and rely on others to push you harder. You can push yourself hard, but not so hard you hurt yourself in the end. Thats all I was getting at.
21 Feb 18 by member: Klynn82
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Completely understand!! I used to and sometimes still feel that way - simply because my stomach isn't flat yet .... I will do better at seeing beautiful!!! You are such a beautiful person!!
21 Feb 18 by member: lakjhatch
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Everyone of us has had "less than graceful" moments where we've either lacked perspective or context... I know I have. I think as we improve our health situation, we (who've struggled with it for years prior to doing anything about it) can more quickly empathize with our broken, mentally-skewed culture that's so enraptured with "image is everything"; but, with that empathy should come some responsibility for words AND deeds.
21 Feb 18 by member: From371to184
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If we were satisfied with our weight we would not be here. Yes we can be positive and determine we are going to change our behavior. It is about behavior. Bad behavior that has got us where we are. When we have good behavior we see good; when we see the results of bad behavior we see bad. We should look at good as appealing. The opposite of disgust. Disgust simply means something I don't not want or like. I do not want an unhealthy body. It is about health. An overweight body is unhealthy. Until we face reality we want chance.
21 Feb 18 by member: bonnie senn
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Well, as I said in my journal entry, I am well aware that I am not healthy. My grandmother died of a heart attack, my father died of a heart attack, my uncle died of a heart attack, my mother is currently on heart medicine. That is why I am making a change. I know its not healthy, but I also dont want the world to hate me because of how I look. I am more than what my appearance says. I am fat, but I am also smart, funny, kind, patient, giving, loving, caring...I do not deserve to be looked at with disgust. But if that is what some people need, so be it. I was just saying, FOR ME, it is not something that I want or need. I have dealt with it enough.
21 Feb 18 by member: Klynn82
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Hi beauty,
It is so unfortunate that as human beings there is still a sense of separation from one another. Any person who judges another is only but struggling with their own inner conflicts. Your are already complete and no one, no matter what can ever take that away from you. Confirm this daily, and then like a chef in the kitchen, use the tools and elements available to you NOW to create a masterpiece. There will be times of struggle and doubt, but listen carefully and allow your true voice to guide you. All physical impulses are only misdirected creative impulses.
I wish you the best sweet soul. <3
21 Feb 18 by member: WildWeighs
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This is specifically about health. Sounds like you have many great behavioral characters. And that is great. People will see those. Some people will not see anything but the health issue. That is sad. Sounds like you have been a victim of those people and I am so sorry. If I met you I would probably see a fun happy person but I would also see your overweight. I would not like that but just because I know it is not good for you. It would not be appealing to me. Should It? Same with myself. Please understand until we except our behavioral issue we cannot change.
21 Feb 18 by member: bonnie senn
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I was a skinny stick in high school and tried everything to fill out. When the larger girls were au naturel I would look at their beautiful curves with amazement. These were the big girls, not the cheerleader types. Honestly I thought they looked the picture of health and beauty. I also totally understand that your weight may not have anything to do with what you eat. I went through my entire adult life eating as much junk as I wanted, never counted a single calorie, never gained a single ounce. Now menopause it's the total opposite. So you have to work harder than most people just to look "acceptable". Know it's hard but keep going! And ignore those people as much as you can, although of course words do hurt. WHoever says they don't is.... %*$&$#(#)#@)#
21 Feb 18 by member: BeckyB3
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The ones you sens that they are disgusted by a obese man/women's look are probably disgusted by the look of starving children, sick and old people, people who are in need and/or weak etc. have lower level consciousness. We are all experiencing life in a different 3d situation we don't get to choose and can not always control. And don't forget sicknesses and death for everyone..To get more out of our life experiences, we need to learn to be less sensitive to those less conscious people forgive and forget them:)
21 Feb 18 by member: 20-to-loose
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20 to loose. Definition of disgusting is unappealing. If you think a starved looking child is appealing that is unconsciousness to me. When I is see starving or sick people I see someone who needs food and care. No it is not appealing and I want to see change so I give them food or whatever and love and help them. It is what does not appeal to me that drives me to have compassion and help them. And it is what drives me to change. I do not like what is see so I change.
21 Feb 18 by member: bonnie senn
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@Bonnie, it is neither unappealing or appealing, it is what it is, yes have empathy, compassion, do what you can do to help either to yourself or others and move on, no need to dwell on negative emotions all I am saying, Cheers
21 Feb 18 by member: 20-to-loose
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To say it is neither, is no concsiousness at all. It is something. The phrase it is what it is; is just a empty sentence that means nothing. This is the issue. People do not want to face reality because they don't want to be conscious of things that may make them uncomfortable. We can move on or we can stop and make a difference. Change is never easy.
21 Feb 18 by member: bonnie senn
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@Bonnie, I am very sorry if my post offended or upset you. I was just sharing how I felt because of a comment that was left. I, in now way, intended to offend anyone. Its just my past, my experience, and I was responding to that in a "safe" place, where I can share how things make me feel. I intentionally did not mention who made the post, though it is probably quite obvious, but it was never my intention to say anything to upset anyone. I was just saying how reading those words made me feel, on a personal level. It was never intended to out anyone or make anyone feel the need to defend their words, it was just me expressing how seeing that made me feel because of the ridicule and persecution I have had to put up with in the past. I know my reality, I know I am unhealthy, fat and disgusting to look at, I get that, I am well aware, but I have felt accepted here, and I foolishly thought that I could share how reading that someone else thought that was an acceptable behavior made me feel. Forgive me.
21 Feb 18 by member: Klynn82
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Seriously, don't let one or two people ruin this experience for you. Your words hit home and inspired a lot of people. Focus on that. Thus is a safe place and encourage you to continue expressing your thoughts and feelings on whatever you need to. Please don't let this effect how you continue to interact with the rest of us, who do actually care about what you feel.
21 Feb 18 by member: CoachKitty
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@Bonnie, finding a sick child or a obese man/woman unappealing (=disgusting as per your definition) might be your reality, not mine, I could hug them and love them as they are..
21 Feb 18 by member: 20-to-loose
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@CoachKitty, Thank you for your encouragement. I never meant to cause all of this mess, I just was expressing my opinion and how I felt. I didnt mean to upset anyone. It was stupid of me, and I know that I shouldnt have even said anything. I wont let it change how I interact with people, everyone here has been so helpful and kind to me.
21 Feb 18 by member: Klynn82
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It was not stupid, it was important. Important for to you to express, and important for many people to read. You did nothing wrong and it's important for you to know that.
21 Feb 18 by member: CoachKitty
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Llynn82. Im sorry this conversation turned like it did. You look beautiful in your photo. You are here because you want change. That is all good. I am a person that needs to see reality. I felt the comments were attacking my view. And was explaining why I felt this way. I realized with the last four comments of mine and 20 to loose were not going to agree and I would stop.
21 Feb 18 by member: bonnie senn
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Im glad ur making a change in ur life I really hope u achieve ur goal and live the life u want to live and for u to be happy keep going!
21 Feb 18 by member: lestercrespo08
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