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Feeling good, hope it lasts a bit longer than it usually does. I'm doing 45-50 minutes cycling a day which really should be enough to help just about anyone lose weight, never mind someone with as much to lose as I have. But it's happening. I've been doing that cycling for a couple of years anyway, but unfortunately found it too easy to more than replace the burned calories with pizza and beer. I've had three beers so far this year, no pizza, one portion of chips. Rather than say Kettle Chips or whatever, I've been having baked, whoelgrain, lentil curls and popcorn instead. Oh and Mini Cheddars, at least they are mini... They've been my treats this year. Good job I like them. If you told me five years ago I'd be willfully drinking a spinach, avocado and banana smoothie I'd have laughed in your face.
I really don't know why I've had so much junk food in the past. This time even only a couple of months ago, if I had a midweek day off I'd be going home the night before looking forward to tomorrow's binge. I'd go to the chip shop and get a large chips, large peas and a scallop. That'd be on the way back from the supermarket where I'd generally buy a 150g bag of Kettle Chips, a couple of two litre bottles of coke (sometimes sugary if I was feeling particularly glutonous), and either a bag of Babybels or a Cheese Strings and maybe some chocolate if I felt like it. The food would be gone in about an hour, the drink throughout the day. Even if I went for a sugar free drink, in just an hour I'd be having probably two days calories. If the drink wasn't sugar free I'd be looking at three or four days worth of calories. I've done that more times than I care to remember and I don't know why. For as long as I can remember I've had impulsive and reckless tendencies and they've never made any sense to me anyway. I'm convinced it's just been another form of self-sabotage.
I've always had a fear of failure. It's cost me my education, it's cost me relationships in the past, it's been costing me my health for years and stifling my development in so many ways. For most of my life I've had it firmly implanted in my brain that I don't deserve this, I don't deserve that, don't get ideas above my station. Who knows what I could've achieved if I actually applied myself without fear of not being good enough. This is the hardest bit, convincing myself that I'm not a terrible person and to take care of myself and feel good is the least I deserve - it's the least anyone deserves.
Diet Calendar Entry for 02 February 2018:
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1603 kcal
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Fat: 60.64g | Prot: 43.51g | Carb: 220.00g.
Breakfast: Rude Health The Granola, Alpro Unsweetened Almond Milk. Lunch: Flora Light, Poached Egg, Tesco Healthy Living Reduced Sugar and Salt Baked Beans, Morrisons Seeded Loaf. Dinner: Symington's Tomato Pasta Mugshot. Snacks/Other: Go Ahead! Goodness Bar, Jacob's Mini Cheddars Cheese & Onion, Alpro Soya Hazelnut Milk, Avocados, Bananas, Spinach, Apples. more...
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