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HI forum
I weight 166 with my coat and boots on, so I think if I weight myself naked I'm maybe a 165, or 164 right now.
The reason why I'm not working right now is because I didn't really look for a job , I wanted to have time to study, but mainly it's because I can't focus . All I ever focus on is my weight right now . I went to the church the other day , everybody has boyfriend , I wanted a boyfriend too , but I can't stand the point that I look fat in front of a guy I love . I know that if a guy likes you he should like you doesn't matter what shape you are in , but unfortunately i'm asian.
I'm not bashing the asian culture, but most asian guys prefer skinny over chubby girl friend. I wasn't able to find anyone who would accept me the shape I am .The Chinese male standard is like , it's okay if this girl is ugly , but she can't be fat and 130pounds was consider fat , most girls are around 100 pounds or less . Last year I went back to China, a lot of girls there are around 43kg and 5'5'' tall. I wasn't able to fit in any cloth ,and I'm sure it's not just a problem in China but most asian countries.
I guess in a shallow world , if I don't loose weight , nobody will like me . I will never get a boyfriend...I feel really bad about myself when I look at my body in the mirror . Even though I've lost 20 pounds in the past 2 month , but I still feel bad.
I know about eating disorder, unhealthy diet, all that stuff . I was a psychology + cognitive science major. I know all about how eating less , or not eating impacts my brain my neuron , how dangerous it is to eat less than 1500 calories a day , but I really really hate this world...I hate those magazines , those celebrities , who make people think oh you need to be so skinny to be perfect, and people started to fat shaming others, I was bullied, fat shamed , and what did I do wrong?
People who fat shaming others are the problem of this society...I really hope they stop doing that .
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 Comments
Bethinfriend,
Happiness is love, laughter, friendship, purpose, and a dance. skinny and pretty is not required.
The influence on decision making is based on your past disappointments. So since failure is the best teacher, what have you learned?
A goal is a target with an end date, a system is a way of doing things all the time.
03 Dec 16 by member: tgsdiet
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I think you should focus on making yourself happy. I'm also Asian 5'4" 58.5 kgs. Not skinny for asian! I weight 45 kgs about 15 years ago due to unhealthy diet but I feel like I could faint at anytime. My aim now is to have a healthy weight and life. I don't actually care about how others think of me. My happiness is the most important. Nobody deserves my time especially a man if he only care about how I look. Everything beautiful will fades, we will have wrinkles, etc. My point is you should focus on making your self happy and healthy. Why wait untill you achieve 43 kgs? You should also enjoy your journey!
03 Dec 16 by member: MKondiet
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Hate this world? That's a pretty strong statement. There is a lot of unkindness and ugliness in the world......true. If you are looking for everyone to embrace, understand and accept you then yes I suppose you would feel this way. You are looking to others for self worth and not within. If you are doing this weight loss journey SOLELY for acceptance then you will be disappointed in the end. Ok, let suppose you get to your magic number of 43 kg do you really think that no one will have another unkind word to say to you? Do you think everyone will accept you? I've been overweight and thin and someone somewhere will NOT accept you, will have something UNKIND to say, will NOT get or understand you, etc. You are focusing too much on what you think OTHERS want you to be. I am not sure if this is cultural or not. If it's cultural, you will have to decide to side with culture or be your own person. You are young and wasting your life fixated on weight, what others are doing, what you think others want you to do and what you believe others think you should look. If you can't accept yourself how can you expect others to? I think this goes beyond weight with you.....it's an esteem issue. Being 43 kg doesn't mean perfection......it ONLY means that you are 43 kg. Look within more and you will find what you need. Don't waste your youth or life on this. I really, really think you would benefit from therapy. I really feel bad for the youth of today....bombarded with images of women and men that don't exist in the REAL world.....everything is digitally manipulated. Most know this and still strive to look like a pic that isn't real. Sad.
04 Dec 16 by member: Arabella66
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You don't need to be skinny to be perfect - but you still need to eat right and exercise to be healthy. It is normal for you to feel how you feel about society norms - the way people see others may never change so don't stress over that. We all judge, we all dislike someone for something or other - it is what it is. You just focus on being healthy and being happy - the guys will always be there and when you get your mind and body right (not skinny, but healthy) - all good things will fall into place.
04 Dec 16 by member: Oliverismoi
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"The moment you accept yourself you become beautiful" Osho
04 Dec 16 by member: enlightened one
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It is not dangerous to eat less than 1500 calories per day provided you have a decent diet.
Caloric restriction lengthens life span in every animal studied so far. Humans thrive in mild caloric restriction. We evolved in that environment.
Get rid of the carbs. 100 grams of carbs and sugar a day is perfectly fine.
Maybe you are focused on getting a slightly misogynistic and superficial Chinese guy, but me and many others don't think 163 is obese. You ought to see some of the ones who come into my office. Heck a smart young Chinese chic? I will marry you lol.
Try not to internalize the negative judgments of the worst people out there. Not everybody thinks that way.
04 Dec 16 by member: Marcus Welby
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Your post breaks my heart! Hugs to you sweet girl as you strive to love and accept yourself. That is probably more important than losing the weight. If you don't learn to love yourself then I fear after you have lost the weight you will just find something else about yourself to hate. Nose too big, legs too short, hair not shiny enough...etc. The biggest battle is between our ears and I pray you find happiness in life.
04 Dec 16 by member: rhontique
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Love you dear child. and you are in my prayers. When I am down, spending time on my knees talking the my Lord Jesus always helps. Try being humble andhave faith that God will put that right man in you life. Everything comes from God.
04 Dec 16 by member: Sweet Georgia Peaches
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I was use u till I realized I am the ONLY one who matters. I love me for me. In the end - you create your own happiness. NEVER rely on ANYONE to make you happy or for acceptance. People come and go....life happens.....but what really matters is that you are kind to yourself
04 Dec 16 by member: PGM012197
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Thank you guys for your support and comments, omg ~ I really appreciate all your kindness! You are right, I been focusing too much on how others think about me , but those people don't really matter in my life. They are not my friends, not my family , why should I ever care about how they think ? They think I'm fat, It's okay :D They wanna be mean , then just be mean ~ mean people will never change ! shallow people will always be shallow ! I went out and ate breakfast today , for the first time in this month , I actually didn't care about calories and just eat whatever I want. I didn't feel guilty at all , I just let wanted to embrace life and enjoy it as I can for one time! Yes, I'm back to healthy diet routine , and I find this forum to be the best support group on earth ! Everyone here is just really nice and really supportive, they been in your situation and they really understands you. Thank you again! o((◕ฺ∀ ◕✿ฺ))o
04 Dec 16 by member: bethinfriend
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well see there you go! best wishes for you.
04 Dec 16 by member: Sweet Georgia Peaches
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Your journal really hit home for me. I am married to an Asian I also practice Shaolin kung fu in a 99% Chinese school. I understand this shaming very well. As you said, in Chinese culture, the reality is that females, especially young ones are held up to dangerous standards of being thin. When I was 135 pounds, this was acceptable because I am muscular, and very skinny, but I had an injury and put on weight so at 146, everyone noticed my weight gain and even teases about it me and makes me feel bad. Even the chubby men tease me. Unfortunately there is a double standard. And you are right that the celebrities and media perpetuate this too. Food is of the utmost importance in Chinese culture too, so it is a big part of social life. Focus on your health, prepare healthy foods and watch your portion size. Focus on how you feel and keep your independent spirit strong. Forget about shallow people, they are unimportant and will only create obstacles if you let them bother you. There is a boyfriend/man in this world who will love you deeply and think you are beautiful no matter what you weigh. You will reach a healthy happy weight for you and that is what matters :)
04 Dec 16 by member: LightAir
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@Bethinfriend.....I am glad your thinking is changing. :))
05 Dec 16 by member: Arabella66
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