MrsTofu's Journal, 14 November 2011

Trying to get back in the saddle. I gave up for a while, but am trying now to at least record my calories. I've found that I am really bad at keeping an accurate total in my head. My weight hasn't really changed too much, vacillating around 170lb give or take 2 lbs; however my clothes are not fitting well. :(

I have absolutely no faith in my capacity for self control. Experience has taught me that there's little reason for confidence anyhow. Maybe I can start a new trend. I am kinda doing that with punctuality- I've been more reliably getting my daughter to school on time. Also, I've actually managed to get a lead on meal planning. I was able to sit down and plan dinners for Nov 11 through Nov 21. Circumstances have kept me from following it exactly, but it has enough flexibility that I can just rearrange some nights and not have major issues because of it.

I still kinda feel like even if or when I have things more together and reliably structured that it will only be the guise of functionality. It seems that no matter what happens, I can't seem to get rid of the mental patient mentality. It's been 8 years since the last time I was hospitalized, but it still feels like that messed up person is me, and any success is just a temporary farce.

In oh so many words I guess I just feel kinda hopeless and I feel guilty that I feel that way because I think I am not supposed to. :(

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1027 kcal

Fat: 32.28g | Prot: 70.76g | Carb: 120.10g.   Breakfast: caprese sausage, raisins, milk 2%, steel cut oats, almond, banana. Lunch: apple chicken salad 2, pickle, kiwi, mozzarella, chicken drumstick. more...