madaboutmoose's Journal, 20 October 2011

I must say ... this morning is a vast improvement over yesterday. In fact yesterday evening was a vast improvement over yesterday morning.

I didn't want to write the details ... because I didn't want to dwell on them. Really ... a rather foolish verbal exchange (which I didn't know was proceeded by a rough night's sleep and not feeling well) that really started the day off on a sour note. An unappreciated comment about breakfast (which he really never does) followed by a less than direct response from me followed by escalation ending when he says to me "I don't want therapy" which always pisses me off ... given that I am a therapist and the last thing I am trying to do is "do therapy" when I am in a heated discussion (of sorts) with my husband.

That was followed by a problem with our invertor for our power system which, if it needed replacing, would cost several thousand dollars!!! YIKES!!!

But ... I sucked it up. Even though I wanted to crawl back into bed with several pints of Ben & Jerry's (which fortunately I did not have in the house) I went to work. I wasn't looking forward to coming home. I so wanted to eat crap but just kept reminding myself that the crap wasn't really going to make me feel better. In fact, it would contribute to making me feel worse, physically and emotionally. So I didn't do it.

Imagine my surprise when I walked through the front door to be greeted by "how was your day?" and then shortly thereafter "I'm sorry about this morning." He isn't a man who has apologized often in our marriage. It was lovely. He was in the midst of grilling my chicken sausages when I arrived home (I had a late appointment). Finished up the cooking, sat down to dinner together, and watched part of a not really that entertaining movie and went to bed.

Today ... I'll make my way south, about a 3 hour drive, to my girlfriend's house for the night. We have a fundraising banquet to attend together this evening and an ethics class we'll attend together tomorrow. I'm excited to see her. She is absolutely my dearest friend in the world .... someone who always tells me what she thinks and someone I have a ton of fun with. Her home feels like my home ... always so nice to be there.

As for my protein obsession and attempt at resetting my leptin sensitivity ... it goes on. The scale is SLOWLY declining. But, I feel good. I'm sure I won't be completely faithful to the approach tonight or tomorrow but I'll do my best not to go hog wild. I'll be back home tomorrow night and will have the weekend to dose myself back into reality.

I am ever grateful for ...

1. perspective and apologies!!!
2. the invertor is working again!! Don't know what the trouble was yesterday. Maybe too much negative energy in our house?
3. Girl time!!!!
4. Choosing to sit with my emotions and let them sort out rather than drowning them in a vat of chocolate or other sugary substance.
5. The end of my "official" work week today!!

The challenging days do make us appreciate the less challenging days. I think that character is measured in adversity. It is easy enough to list positive attributes and reframe situations when things are relatively calm. I am not a good "arguer." Conflict is not my forte. Yet ... I did okay. While I didn't remain calm in the moment ... I did gather myself and move efficiently through the day. I struggled with kindness but I did practice it, however imperfectly.

I must dash. Need to pack a couple things and get out of here!! Be good to yourselves ... I continue to practice being good to me!!!

Take care!!

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809 kcal

Fat: 63.00g | Prot: 52.16g | Carb: 8.04g.   Breakfast: chorizo, eggs, shredded cheese, coconut oil. more...

2827 kcal

Activities & Exercise: Desk Work - 4 hours, Driving - 4 hours, Pilates - 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 7 hours and 30 minutes. more...