Mirej's Journal, 09 September 2009

ok, that's a bad day. being tired and in your period won't make things easy today. I hope you'll feel better very soon, I know how hard it is with the cramps, hopefully it won't last. make sure you get some rest tonight. and don't stay mad at your BF... you can use his support with the gym bullsh... take care. 

Yes, but at least you had the fortitude to journal about it! That shows that you are being proactive... In that aspect I'm trying to follow your example. Sometimes I have a bad night and hide...note the sporadic journal entries!! 

Hi Mirej... I know how you feel... you know what I discovered recently? this may sound a bit obvious to some people but it was a real discovery for me.. there are SPECIFIC things that no matter what I am feeling at the moment, they just bump up my mood A LOT. Things that for one reason or another got associated in the past in my brain to amazing and very positive feelings. Well, I have been 'collecting' those things, creating a list and using them to literally 'trigger' me to an incredibly higher mood when I need them. Thing is, when I used to be down my mind just did NOT remember what was good about things, what could make me feel better. but having them right there I can use it to create a reaction that could make everything instantly better. Certain songs, specific foods, some articles and movies - they are very specific to ME. But this little trick works great - just an idea! :) 

Hey Anne, Thanks for your comment hun! I am feeling maybe a bit, tiny bit better... I just had the BBQ lunch at work.. my bf came to see me so I shared it with him, I am so bloated I wouldn't be able to finish it all by myself anyways! The sad thing is that he is quite depressed and down and I am not supportive enough... I feel really bad and need to react fast to keep him smiling and to show him that there is hope... 

Focused... thanks for the nice comment, I guess I feel better writing it all down... but at the same time I feel bad to complain... However, if I can take the time to write down nice things, I decided to write something about the bad ones too... this way it's a real journal I guess... try to do the same in the future, when s**t happens.. lol  

Hey javi... that's a nice idea! Currently, I am so unmotivated and moody that I can't think positive and start doing what you are doing, I guess the best moment for that is when we feel happy, so that we are all set and ready for the down moments when they come. Thanks for the idea! 

I agree with what you say, about journaling also the seemingly negative moods and things that happen to us. I read once in a book, that it was quite OK to be down, or confused. Sometimes we tell ourselves is not Ok to show that, but this is what we are made of, life is the up & downs of our days, weeks and years. I believe the more we avoid what is wrong the more it will follow us, sometimes the best approach is actually to just BE THERE in the negative mood, face it head on, look at it in the face.... and many times, when we do that, that internal thing, our inner fear/angst just.. fades away... we created it, we kept feeding it with our thoughts and when we look at it for what it is, it just cannot survive without our energy. It is a paradox that change sometimes happens when we accept our current reality. 

Aww, thx so much for understanding and explaining this to me. :) I do feel better, but I will feel even better some other time.. lol