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Bleugh. Day four and I've already caved once this week. Getting back into the diet/fitness ahead of a potential holiday in August - it was 6 weeks weeks and is now approaching 5 weeks...
I'm totally sick of being like this - I've got no energy, nothing fits me, I feel unattractive and generally horrible. The killer was being told 'you'll be a size 20' which isn't actually that far away. I guess I've never seen it as that big a deal - I get to about a size 16 and then crash back down to a 12/14 which is normal for me. This time, its gone too far and I refuse to buy the bigger size. Hopefully I'll read back over this next time and remember how it feels - self inspiration.
I've been reading back over previous entries for last September and trying to remind myself of how good it felt to be able to run that far and how much healthier I felt. I'm not sure where the balance is going to come in between losing the weight and getting the fitness up - its hard to maintain the training when your calorie intake is low, but I'm hoping that my body will get used to it and it will get easier as I get stronger. I think it's going to take a lot longer this time to get it to shift.
The difference this time is that i mean it. I've given up thinking that I can shop for and cook foods that are good for me - I have neither the time nor the money to keep that up. Let alone the interest. I'm hoping that taking the lazy and cheap way out will save some money as well. This week alone I've saved £10.00 by not buying food at work. By the end of the month, that's a bikini or a dress or something for my holiday. Or my suncream.
So, fingers crossed that the determination stays with me for a while.
Diet Calendar Entry for 02 July 2009:
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2475 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Bicycling (leisurely) - <10/mph - 10 minutes, Running (jogging) - 5/mph - 7 minutes, Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 30 minutes, Desk Work - 9 hours and 30 minutes, Resting - 6 hours and 43 minutes, Sleeping - 7 hours. more...
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