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Today really feels like a struggle. At first I was bemoaning that condition; however, I realize now that perhaps it's not such a bad thing. Struggling means I haven't accepted defeat. So often I accept defeat, that I can't do it, that I'm out of control and I always fail and it's futile to think otherwise- at least experience seems to indicate that. Yet I've been forcing myself to listen to Christian radio and pray more and it's helping me to keep going. It's hard and every so often it feels like I can't keep going. I already let the beast out, but it seems the beast is reigned in right now. My anxiety and discouragement wants to add 'for how long', but I am trying to focus only on this moment where, by the grace of G-d, I have not yet been defeated.
Diet Calendar Entry for 06 May 2011:
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1156 kcal
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Fat: 39.45g | Prot: 67.79g | Carb: 140.40g.
Breakfast: pink lady apple, trader joe's reduced fat milk, Quick cooking enriched farina hot wheat cereal. Lunch: eggplant, eggplant, matzo, strawberry preserves, algood. Snacks/Other: shredded mozzarella, shredded mozzarella, apple, lite celtic cheddar. more...
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