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I am a bit embarrassed, but I have a confession to make. For the past 16 years, and even throughout all my fatsecret diets, I have been bulimic.
The reason for me confessing on this site, is not for the crying of attention. Believe me, my life will be perfect if I could just be invisible.
I am however putting my confession on a public website, hoping that it would encourage me to stop with my eating habits, as getting professional help is not an option for me financially.
My bulimia will come and go. But I always get away with nobody noticing. This past month or two however, it got really bad again. I have no control and I can't help it. And believe it or not, it does not feel good at all.
I have been binge eating uncontrollably: Everyday I will buy myself a lot of junk food during my lunch breaks, consume everything in the car so that no-one at work notices my abnormal diet, then purge everything in a public bathroom. I will do this at the shops during my lunch break, in order to hide it from my colleagues and my boyfriend.
In the evening I will eat supper and snack on high amounts of popcorn until my tummy hurts. I will then wait a few minutes and tell my boyfriend I am going to shower, only to purge everything again while the shower is running, HOPING that my boyfriend will not notice or hear anything.
I love him to bits and don't want to hurt him, so I will have to resolve this problem without him knowing as I am also afraid of loosing him.
I have started to gain a lot of weight, I am depressed, highly disgusted with myself and my eating disorder is also costing me a lot of money.
When I record food on my fatsecret journal, it would only be the food I do not purge.
I was thinking that, my first step to stopping this binge eating monster in its tracks, will be to start recording the junk food I binge on and purge again, in my diet journal. I hope that this will make me aware of all the calories I consume, whether I keep it in my body or not.
I will record every single thing in this journal which I normally consume in secret, and start being honest with myself. I think and hope that this might be the first step in the right direction.
Diet Calendar Entries for 30 September 2014:
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2715 kcal
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Fat: 127.04g | Prot: 99.22g | Carb: 294.96g.
Breakfast: Coffee with Milk and Sugar. Lunch: Deep Samosa, Mayonnaise, Chicken Breast, Hamburger or Hotdog Rolls. Snacks/Other: Krispy Kreme Chocolate Iced Cake Doughnut, Tempo, Snickers Snickers Bar (Miniatures), Tazo Vanilla Rooibos Tea, Milk (2% Lowfat with Added Vitamin A). more...
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2682 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Housework - 2 hours, Driving - 2 hours, Desk Work - 10 hours and 30 minutes, Resting - 2 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 7 hours. more...
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