|
So I fell off the track again. I had gotten down to 132 (from 177). When I went to visit my mom for two weeks, I was worried I'd regain some of the weight I had lost. To my surprise, however, I stayed the same weight! Unfortunately, since weighing myself a month ago, I KNOW I've gained weight again.....I'm just too afraid to look at the scale because I know I'll be disappointed in myself when I see the numbers. I'm not sure if seeing my weight will discourage me more and return me to emotional-eating. I was doing so well too! :(
Well, I've decided to force myself to watch a Zumba infomercial (since I have the videos, but haven't worked out in a while). I've decided to "try again". I would start today, just because I'm so mad at myself, but I hear my 7-month old waking up from his nap. My 3-year old will be waking up shortly after, so I won't have time to do it today. TOMORROW (hopefully) will be the day I intend to "try again". I'm going to start with the 20 Minute Express and see how well I do.
I also got a "wakeup call". I didn't realize my dad's side of the family had so much cancer. My dad (whom I've never even met in person) died of cancer after being on remission for 3.5 years. He had Naso-Pharyngeal Carcinoma first. 3.5 years later, he was diagnosed with caner in his liver and pancreas (doctors don't know which came first). I spoke to my aunt (his sister), and I was told that breast cancer, and brain cancer also run in the family. I'm so scared of cancer now... On my mom's side, heart attacks, strokes, and diabetes are common. I was told to watch my cholesterol and blood pressure because my grandma AND grandpa both have problems with that. It's hard to imagine that my tiny grandma would have ANY health problems. She's doing fine, but she still has to take good care of herslef. Needless to say, I'm freaking out about my health. It seems that the more I stress out about it, the more I eat and the less I take care of myself---even though the opposite should be happening. My heart already does "weird" things (that the doctors can't explain, though I've never really gotten tested much), and I get constant headaches (especially migraines)....so I can't express to you how paranoid I'm becoming. I feel like I'm turning into a hypchondriac!!! But what am I doing to help myself? Nothing. Just moping and worrying. I'm scared of MY health, and my husband's....but we keep falling off the wagon. My husband has an even harder time of staying healthy because he's so used to eating fried, fattening foods and drinking cokes all day long. He was never really taught to eat "well", so it makes it that much harder to feed him. Fortunately, he'll try anything I make because he loves me and says I'm a good cook. The only problem is that I can't cook a lot of the things I like to eat because he's not used to eating a variety of vegetables. Anyway, we'll keep trying. . .
If you're reading this, please pray for us...and me. If you have cancer or heart disease in your family, I know you'll understand where my fear is coming from. I need encouragement...
|