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I first want to thank every one who has 'supported' my previous entry or left comments. It really meant a lot to me, and it did help my mood quite a bit.
So, as we know I skipped work Monday on the pretense of being physically sick (I had the onset of a cold the previous week which thankfully didn't develop any further). Tuesday I actually drove into work, booted up my computer and started to feel feverish and clammy. My cube-mate said I looked super pale, and even my supervisor said I'd been silly to come in if I was still feeling ill....so I went home before ever clocking in. Wednesday we had a bit of a snow storm, and I opted to stay home again, citing the weather (where I work if you call out it is count as an 'occurrence', but if you're out multiple days for the same occurrence it only counts as one).
Made it through the full day on Thursday, and spoke to my supervisor about how I was feeling (I had a few instances where I almost burst into tears at my desk)> She gave me the phone number for the work provided hotline, which I may end up using if I feel like that again. Friday (and today) I feel like my old self again, generally happy and motivated.
I'm still not convinced that I should see a doctor about this, or try to get a prescription. I strongly believe it is from being sick, having missed a week at the gym FROM being sick, having my TOM come up at the same time, and the fact that its winter (while I don't think I'm severe enough to warrant diagnosis, I do believe I suffer from mild seasonal affective disorder, which sounds goofy in my head because its a depression onset from lack of nutrients from sunlight, doesn't sound like a 'disorder' so much as a deficiency). However, if I do see myself getting worse even after being off my period and back to the gym I will seek help. I was always the 'concerned friend' as far back as middle school, referring friends who threatened or did self-mutilate to guidance. I know the signs and I know myself.
Saw a challenge on here for running two miles a week, and I think I may sign up for that in a continued effort to train for the two upcoming 5ks.
I also want to put my method out there. I've noticed a lot of you wonderful people on this site tend to beat yourself up over 'slipping' and having a snack, or missing the gym one day. I used to be like that, too, and it got really tiresome. I ended up switching up my methods to allow myself to eat what I want and to exercise when my body is up for it. While this may have slowed my progress, I still see the scale moving in the right direction, and I'm happier than I had been trying to be so strict with myself. Willpower isn't something that happens overnight, and just like giving up smoking, its crazy hard to quit your eating habits cold turkey (if you can, more power to you and please, let me in on your secret!). I've been working with the idea of 'everything in moderation'. If I really really want a Reese's cup, I have it, being mindful that it's roughly 170 calories that I've now lost from my allotment for the day. Over time I have seen a difference in what my body craves. There are nights where I find myself looking forward to the broccoli we're having with dinner rather than that Reese cup I mentioned earlier.
The same goes for exercise. I get giddy after work knowing that I'm on my way to the gym. Its now something I look forward to, rather than a chore. Maybe I had a rough night of sleep and am not feeling as perky. If I manage 20 minutes at the gym instead of the normal 35, I'm not upset, I just know I need to alter what I eat for that day. Any bit of exercise helps, whether its parking further from the door of your destination or taking the stairs instead of the elevator (which I've started doing out of habit now as our elevators have proven les than reliable).
The fact that you're on this site, working to better yourself should make you proud to begin with. Don't look at every meal, every trip to the gym as a battle, but as a small step in the right direction on this journey that you're currently sharing with thousands of other nomads. Be like a good parent to yourself - love yourself unconditionally, even if you slip up. Be honest with yourself, were you actually exhausted or just lazy when you didn't go to the gym yesterday? Did you really want that bowl of ice cream or were you eating out of boredom? Scold yourself when necessary and remind yourself of the rewards for 'good behavior' ("You can go play if you clean your room" translates to "You can fit into a smaller size of pants if you go to the gym").
Happy Saturday!
Diet Calendar Entries for 08 February 2014:
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1586 kcal
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Fat: 85.12g | Prot: 78.00g | Carb: 120.35g.
Breakfast: Schwebel's Plain Bagels, Sargento Deli Style Sliced Natural Cheddar Cheese, Giant Eagle market district smokehouse bacon, Sunny Farms Grade A Large Egg, Kirkland Signature Frozen Whole Strawberries, Silk Light Vanilla Soymilk, Tazo Chai Spiced Black Tea Latte Concentrate. Dinner: Mission Caseras Flour Tortillas, Giant Eagle Mexican Shredded Cheese Blend, Publix Ground Chuck 80/20, Daisy Sour Cream. Snacks/Other: Giant Eagle Reduced Fat Swiss Cheese Slices, Emerald Natural Walnuts & Almonds 100 Calorie Pack. more...
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2120 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Treadmill - 22 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 38 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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