Jozette99's Journal, 17 April 2013

I have promised...
.. to continue with my journal

I hope everyone got over the shock seeing me with blond hair. It was not such a shock see myself, I had done it before, the last time about 5 years ago.
I had actually planned it for the end of last year, when I was so tired of my long hair that was not manageable at all. Since I had just colored it there was no way to bleach it. Finally everything had grown out and here I am, surprising people.

I did not write for a few days since I was tired of myself. So negative, so depressed, but this is the only way I can communicate it and I need to get it out. And even here I have to be some kind of careful since my daughter is on FS as well.

Me turning blond did not change me, change my mood, and for sure did not change my environment. Maybe I gained a little more confidence since I like the way I look. And still not enough to take up my bosses suggestion and go out for dinner after the hair-do and show it off. Too afraid to go out by myself, too afraid to feel lost in the crowd, afraid to become even more frustrated. I have the tendency to look for a booth or a table in the corner where I can hide but what good does it do then to go out. I have to wait for the right time, the right mood and then hit it. I love to go out ....

I finally kicked myself in the behind and ordered hardwood flooring for the bedroom that is waiting for almost two years to be finished. Will pick it up on Saturday and hopefully my friend who offered to do the flooring will have some time soon.
What else? Oh, I finally made the reservation for a hotel room in NYC. A friend and a former boss are coming over from Germany. I have not seen them for 5 years and I am so excited to get together with them again. It is only for the weekend but we will have a blast.
Next I made a decision concerning the ambulance.
I have been a driver in training for almost one year. This meant being on call twice a week, not able to leave the community and being ready to go at all times. Additionally Saturday coverage every third weekend which meant in my case being on call for 36 hrs straight. It would not be so bad if there were actually calls, runs to do. Been out to a fire three times this year already, which means just staging. Did not even get a chance to drive the ambulance. Just met the driver at the scene and waited. Of course I am happy that we are not needed, that no one gets harmed in any way. But it does not help me to get through with the training. I actually had one run and that was at the beginning of January. Nothing since then. And here comes the instructor, urging me and others to take the final test and be done. How can I do that? It is not the driving part that gives me a problem but driving and handling the radio at the same time? What channel do I have to be on at what location? What are all these buttons for, where is the one for the light, where for the siren? I can't take the eyes off the road to search for the right one. I have passengers in the back and I am responsible for them.
We had a few other people in the group who managed to get through with the training in shorter time since they were at home all the time. Most of the calls are during the day time. I think I need to leave it to the people who have time during the day. I just don't see this training ending and being on call so often does not do it for me any longer. I want my life back!

So, now to why we are here.
I am doing well food wise although my weight does not do much. Have not been on the scale this week, was always too late in the morning and had to run. Hopefully I will manage tomorrow morning. Don't have hope that I have lost anything. Does not feel like it. It is sooo slow this time but I will stick to it.
I did not enter my food today since we went for a team building lunch (my lunch is still sitting in the fridge at work). I chose a Turkish restaurant and everyone was quite pleased. I just had an appetizer, Imam Bayildi, braised eggplant stuffed with onion, garlic and tomatoes, simmered in olive oil, and served at room temperature (I had to copy that :-))
It was delicious although I was missing some meat. I just did not want to go for anything that I could not really identify as being low carb. Okay, with the vegetables I had some carbs but they were okay, just the way they should be. No bread or other starches.
Since I have no clue what to put into the journal for this meal I skip today. Had some chicken for dinner and that will be it. No more carbs for today :-)

I was looking so much forward to gong dancing tonight, getting some exercise in at the same time. Had planned everything perfectly. I have a project I am working on. It's overtime and I can choose when to do it. I decided to stay today for 2 hrs, take a shower and change and then head to the dancing place. All went fine until I got dressed and realized that I had forgotten my shoes. Now ay to dance in street shoes. Going home did not work, is a 45 min ride and then 20 min to get there. I tired to save some time gong straight form work which would be only a 30 min drive. Oh, was I mad at myself.. Reached one of the members to let them know. but I will make up for it. Since I will not be on call Fridays anymore I will go to another Scottish Country Dance place, their members are also dancing where I went so far. Going twice a week will hopefully help to advance a little bit faster. And it is sooo much fun. so many advantages combined. Starting off with the exercise, going on with coordination, brain work, and of course, I love to dance. It is so uplifting.

I guess I made up for not writing for a few days *lol*
I hope everyone is well and , well, we need a slogan (or do we have one and I missed it?)

Diet Calendar Entry for 17 April 2013:
763 kcal Fat: 48.79g | Prot: 55.71g | Carb: 20.56g.   Breakfast: Hard-Boiled Egg, Nature Made Multi-Complete Supplement, Nature Made Fish Oil, Wyeth Caltrate 600 D, Borden Gouda Cheese, Oscar Mayer Fully Cooked Bacon, Tomatoes. Lunch: Columbus Rotisserie Style Chicken Breast, Colavita Aged White Wine Vinegar, Sesame Oil, Mixed Salad Greens, Yellow Sweet Peppers. Snacks/Other: Blue Diamond Almond Breeze Unsweetened Vanilla, Wyeth Caltrate 600 D, Gouda Cheese, none Net Carb, Blue Diamond Roasted Salted Almonds. more...
on diet Atkins  


Shame that you put so many hours in, and got so little out of it!!! But you are right to reclaim your life & do some fun stuff, enjoy it as much as you can!! Mmmmhhhh turkish food, I love it. We had so many turkish & greek restaurants in germany, you were always spoiled for choice. They are quiet rare in the english country side, the closest I can find near by is the kebab place :( Hope you get to enjoy your dancing. Try to keep everything in the car at all times. Helps me, who is great at forgetting things ;) 
18 Apr 13 by member: schmetterling34
Schmetterling - the area where I lived, we did nto have any Turkish restaurants but a lot of Doner Kebeb places. Almost more than Bratwurstbuden. I was kind of tired of doener here, doener there. The only Turkish restaurant I was in was in Frankfurt. But in my youth I had a Turkish friend and spend many hours at her home. Liked their food a lot and the restaurant had a nice menu. At least I could nto find any French fries or burger on it :-)))///As for the shoes, I came to that conclusion on my way home, keep them in the car. I can always dance in pants though they don't really like it. But without the shoes - naaaaaa.  
18 Apr 13 by member: Jozette99
you don't have to edit it for me, i like to read your journal, then i know what is going on with you, cause we sometimes don't see each other. about the ambulance, you tried it, part of it was fun , you got to know new people, and if that is it that is okay, of course you want your life back, it really is very time consuming with being on call, especially. on the weekends, i know you like to do a lot, be in your garden or finally renovating your bedroom, still waiting on (my) guest room ;-) or just go out or so, so if its the right thing for you then stop doing it and start dancing.....scottish style :-) hope you will have lots and lots of fun in nyc!!! 
20 Apr 13 by member: sweetlaura
Thanks Laura, But you know, you are not supposed to know it all *haha*///Went out dancing in Groton last night, it was a blast. So good especially since I missed Wednesday. Teacher is different and for some reason I picked up more easily than before. Maybe it is not the teacher, maybe it is just that I am advancing. But it is great to hear, especially when you are there the first time that they say "you are a natural" Yesterday also had the advantage that I did not have to work today and a few of the members have a dirnk after. Boah, how I missed that. Bad part - came to the "Spot" and they had wonderful smelling popcorn on the table. Man was that tough. But I stck with it. Had not had anyting to eat since lunch so I went for a burger without bun. Oh, they had crawfish on the menu but they were lightly breaded. So, no mud bugs :-( . How much I would love to have some. On the other hand, I can not imagine then being that good since breaded usually means deep fried. Need to find a place where to get them and then have a cookout. That would be a good usage for my turkey fryer *lol* 
20 Apr 13 by member: Jozette99


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