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Okay here I am, trying yet another start of a diet. Trying to stay positive, which is hard but this time, it will work, I will not get stuck after only losing 5lbs.
I guess I have been overweight all my life, though I don't remember it interfering with they way I look at myself when I was younger, but now...my self esteem has reached its lowest level yet. All I want to do is hide away from people, to hide my 'fatness' so others won't have to look at it. It's worse since I'm still technically at school, University actually where we are all supposed to be past the high school drama, but there are still the looks, the whispers that you can hear at the cafe. It's a lose-lose situation when trying to grab something for lunch. If you get something unhealthy, like fries or a slice of pizza its the disgusted looks of she shouldn't be eating that. On the other hand, if you get something healthy like a salad and some fruit, you hear comments of why is someone her size eating something healthy, shouldn't she be stuffing her face with something fatty?
All I guess I really want to do is become healthier. To be able to walk across campus without losing my breath (there are lots of stairs/hills). And to hold my head up high when I am at my University, not try to hide and blend into the crowd so no one can see me. I'm applying for my Master's and if I get in, there will be tons of presentations and at the end of it, a thesis defense. I guess I feel that if I can loose some of this weight, I will become more confident, and be able present in front of people without wanting to run from the room and hide in a dark corner someplace.
Anyway here's to a new start, its a little late for a new year's resolution, but since I never keep them, this start is for me only.
~Sphinx
Diet Calendar Entries for 19 January 2013:
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1383 kcal
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Fat: 51.82g | Prot: 30.73g | Carb: 205.98g.
Breakfast: light cream cheese, Sesame Bagel. Lunch: Double Chocolate Muffin. Dinner: spicy chicken soup. Snacks/Other: chocolate ice cream. more...
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2690 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 1 hour and 20 minutes, Resting - 14 hours and 40 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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