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I will admit I was not feeling great today...I exercised with some weights which was great. I'm not that strong so I just use about 5--15 lbs.
I have some body image issues, I'm extremely critical of myself and I can be obsessive when it comes to mirror checking. Today was just one of those days. I don't know why I always have to go back and look...just have to!
When I see my reflection I go threw like a checklist of all the things I want to fix. A lot of times I just think, "If I were skinnier everything would be better!"
Rationally, I know thats not true...only to a certain extent would it help.
After I prioritize my thoughts about this kind of stuff, I become more motivated. More motivated to lose weight and improve my body!
I will admit however that some days I resort back to my old way of thinking which was a very eating disorder mind set. A couple years back I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, I was anorexic, but I don't like talking about.
Sometimes though I find myself looking up thinspo for conformt and then I'm just like waaahhhhh ;-;
I know its not good but we all have our own struggles. And I do think its relevant not only to people like myself who have had/have eating disorders but also anyone else who is attempting weight loss, no matter their weight. Plenty of times overweight people resort to dangerous behaviors as well as a means of weight loss. And I believe its not the number on the scale, its whats in between your ears, whats going on in your head that is important. Addictions are mental diseases, and food can be turned into an addiction whether its bingeing or purging or forcing yourself to starve. I think were all susceptible to it and its something we risk. Especially on our bad days.
Weight loss is meant to be slow and steady...I always find myself wishing things could just change now! but the reality is they can't.
Eh, well that just some food for thought! (punny, lol)
Its been weighing heavy on my mind today and I just wanted to get it out. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day! :)
Diet Calendar Entries for 11 October 2012:
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1820 kcal
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Fat: 78.56g | Prot: 135.50g | Carb: 156.15g.
Breakfast: plum, Toasted Wheat-fuls, half & half, butter, egg, whole milk. Lunch: milk, mozzarella, nature's own whole wheat. Dinner: half & half, butter, avocado, peas, Chicken Breast (Skin Not Eaten), Whole Wheat Spaghetti (Cooked). Snacks/Other: jell-o sugar free pudding, great value natural peanut butter, Greek Yogurt - Plain, premium whey chocolate, apple, whole milk. more...
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1835 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Weight Training (moderate) - 45 minutes, Resting - 15 hours and 15 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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