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I didnt realize how many people followed my journey, cared about what I had to say and wanted to see me reach my goals. I had no idea that so many of you found inspiration and motivation in my words. You all have no idea how much that touched me, made me cry and made me realize that if I walked away from this place, I was letting myself and all of you down. I cannot do that. I cannot let you down, if my weight loss journey helps just one person see that being fat isnt a life sentence, than I have accomplished something.
I wanted to quit, I walked away all weekend. I didnt "heart" anyones posts, I didnt comment, I didnt write my own. I logged my food and exercise and left it at that. I prayed about it, prayed that God would lead me where I needed to be. He led me back here, back to the people who needed to hear my story. Needed to see that if a girl who weighs over 400lbs can commit and really lose it, then they can too. If I can save one life, by being here and showing people that it can be done, then I have accomplished more in my life than many people have. I wont quit, I wont give up on me, and I wont give up on any of you. I believe in all of you, if you put your mind to it, and really want it, you can do this! We can all do this!! But, I realized, we cannot do it alone. We need other people, others who understand, and know what we are feeling, what we are going through, to lift us out of the pit when we fall. We will fall, thats what people do, and we will learn from it, because there will be kind souls here to help pick us back up.
There are going to be mean, rude, unkind people no matter where you go, and the internet is no different. The worst part of the internet is it give people a curtain to hide behind. It gives them anonymity. I wont know that person that called me stupid if I happen across them at the market. It gives them the freedom to say whatever they want to me, knowing I will never know who they really are. What they dont see, though, is that who they really are is showing, loud and clear, when you are rude, unkind, and hateful to people who are struggling. It shows that you are a small minded, uncaring, selfish person who doesnt deserve my time of day. You dont deserve my pain, my struggle, my hurt, because you are no one to me. I dont hate trolls, I just dont care about them.
The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference, because hate involves, at one time, having cared. I dont care about people who are here just to hurt others. I care about the ones who are hurting, the ones who are struggling, the ones who had a non-scale victory, the ones who lost 3lbs, the ones who gained 4 but are trying. Those are the ones I care about, not the jerks who are ripping people apart because they are so insecure about themselves that the only way they feel better is to drag others down to their level. You will not take my time from me, you will not garner my attention, and I will not play into your games. If you have nothing encouraging, uplifting, or helpful to say, your comment will be deleted.
I thought about going private, many people are, but how would that help people who are just joining the site. How would I be a beacon of hope to them, if they cannot see that I am human and struggle too. I need to keep my site open, because I want people to come and see that they arent alone. We are not alone. You are not alone.
I am here to stay, and no troll will chase me away. I love you all, I care about your journey, your highs and lows, your victories and your struggles. Message me, comment on me, if you need I will give you my number and you can call me when that box of oreos is calling your name and you feel like no one in the world cares, I do. I care.
Thank you all for caring about me. I appreciate it more than you know.
**On a brighter note, I got a fitness watch this weekend. I love it!! It tracks me sleep, my steps, and will tell me when I have a call or text on my phone. And a little non-scale victory, the color is coming back in my legs where the lymphedema had made them grey...I am getting the peachy soft skin back!!! And, unfortunately, the hair is coming back as well! HaHa!!**
Diet Calendar Entries for 05 March 2018:
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1338 kcal
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Fat: 98.37g | Prot: 87.24g | Carb: 18.74g.
Lunch: Fried Egg, Waffle House Bacon, Waffle House Sausage Patties (2), Waffle House Bacon (3). Dinner: Wholly Guacamole Wholly Guacamole Minis, Great Value Shredded Mild Cheddar Cheese, Lettuce, Pace Picante Medium Salsa, Tomatoes, Ground Beef (80% Lean / 20% Fat, Crumbles, Cooked, Pan-Browned). more...
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5701 kcal
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Activities & Exercise:
Walking (slow) - 2/mph - 1 hour, Desk Work - 8 hours, Driving - 30 minutes, Resting - 6 hours and 30 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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