BeaugezD's Journal, 07 April 2016

Oh sweetheart! !! *HUGS* ... I have felt like that. I may as well tell the story.... I had a hormone IUD as birth control ... I got HORRIBLE cystic acne and didn't know that the iud was causing it so I had it for 4 years... years I cried myself to sleep because my face hurt to touch a pillow.... when I turned my head it was excruciating... my husband couldn't kiss me because it hurt and I hated when he looked at me. I'd cry in parking lots because I was terrified to go in ... I couldn't even wear make up to cover it. I thought it was just genetics because of my aunt. but i was planning on getting pregnant and got it removed... I just accepted that this was life and this is how I look but i have to LIVE and I need to get out of the house and talk to people... slowly I accepted myself .... but then luckily over the last 2 or so years it's gone, my hormones evened out finally!... but i remember.... I'll always remember how that felt and I will always have empathy for those who also feel that way. it's hard to see your self worth beyond what bothers you. no one made me feel bad... my husband loved me just the same.... but i didn't love me for a long time when I shoukd have. I was still a good person. I still had worth and I hate that I wasted that time...... I can't tell you what to do or how to feel. but i wish that you will look in the mirror and see who you are beyond your body and know how worth while you are.... .. my belief in regards to death is that we are not our bodies... we just use them. when our body breaks, our soul moves on but Is not dead..... look in the mirror for your soul. because that is the most important part .... to hate yourself based on your body is the same as hating someone based on their car... it's just a vehicle..... your vehicle needs maintenance, sure... but it's still good, and so are you 

Unfortunately we are our own worse critics. I also have hide per say, I don't date or go out anymore due to my weight and my low self esteem. I can completely relate to how you feel. The goal here is to commit and accomplish your ideal self. Meanwhile still pat yourself on your back and remember you are doing the best you can. Since I began dieting and working out I also began to do my hair and sometimes make up. Nothing much but at least something to pick up my self esteem off the floor. I recommend you treat yourself. Maybe go to the hair salon, get a massage or a facial, pamper yourself. It is important for you to still love yourself regardless of your weight. Take care. Hope your make it through these rough times.  

@8hunter6 "...... I can't tell you what to do or how to feel. but i wish that you will look in the mirror and see who you are beyond your body and know how worth while you are.... .. my belief in regards to death is that we are not our bodies... we just use them. when our body breaks, our soul moves on but Is not dead..... look in the mirror for your soul. because that is the most important part .... to hate yourself based on your body is the same as hating someone based on their car... it's just a vehicle..... your vehicle needs maintenance, sure... but it's still good, and so are you" THIS IS BEAUTIFUL, COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT BETTER!  

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and God don't make ugly. When your heart is right with God you don't look upon these things.. The eyes are the window to the soul. Look upon someones eyes and you can see into their heart. It don't matter what others think, the Lord is the only one you have to answer too!. We will all have a new body when we get to heaven. Just have faith. 

Go RIGHT NOW and get the book The Four Agreements! It is incredible. I was in the same boat as you; constantly beating myself up for the littlest things and having no self confidence. Always wondering what others are thinking of me and assuming it was negative. This book was recommended to me, and it was literally life-changing for me. It talks about how to turn your thoughts around, and also will make you look into why you may feel this way, so you can get to the bottom of it. It is a quick read - just a few hours, but it is so magnificent. Good luck! 

Do not despair. You are not alone. I want you to know that you are so much more than whatever weight is on your body. You sound like a very good person who is being way too hard on herself. Slow it all down, and go back and look at all of the good you have accomplished...the people you have brought into this world... the wonderful contributions you have made to your environment...then find those three things you are grateful for...close your eyes, breathe, and feel them, let them really sink in...You can do this...one day and one ounce at a time...You are wonderful,and so worth it, and all of us here would be so proud and happy to be seen with you anywhere. You are not alone...hang in there...remember what Franklin D. Roosevelt said.."When you come to the end of your rope, tie a know and hang on!!!" I'm hanging right in there beside you. 

should read.."When you come to the end of your rope, tie a KNOT and hang on!!!" 

4monthgoa1....this is the second time I have been provided this quote in a week the first time, all I wanted from the rope was to hang myself...jk...thank you and each of you for the words of encouragement....While, I am doing very well on my choices and walking a lot more...just need to take the time to self reflect and work on the self esteem...I want to enjoy life as family and friends pass each day and one day it will be my time...will I be happy with my life???No regrets??? 

Remember, God put the uglier parts of our bodies on the inside. Hang in there. As Hunter8 stated,"look in the mirror for your soul." Anyone who cares for an elder parent has a beautiful soul. God knows it, I know it, and I think you know it too.