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I am having a VERY hard time trying to plan my meals to maintain my weight. I seem to stay hungry. I eat healthy foods, but I have an awful sweet tooth and am addicted to food. My mother claims I am hungry all the time because I do not eat enough and am underweight. I have been told that since I am 5'9 1/2'' I should not weigh in the 120's. I was told if I did not gain some weight, my body would keep telling me that I am not eating enough. I used to have a love/love relationship with food, but now I have a love/hate one. I still love to eat, but I now see food as the enemy. I stay depressed and in an awful mood, and live for the scale. I panic if I have even gained one pound. I'm not sure what to do. I have been venting to my mother and brother so much that I am driving them crazy. I don't know if I should get rid of the scale and go by how my jeans fit me instead (since the scale rules my life) or if I should keep the stupid thing in the bathroom and do everything I can to not weigh every morning.
I am just so terrified of getting out of the 120's and no longer being a size two that I sometimes worry myself sick. My weight rules me, and I just hate it. Today I recieved the wonderful news that my 2009-2010 college tuition is being paid for completely with grants and scholarships. I was thrilled and wanted to get an ice cream or go out to eat to celebrate; but then a thought hit me, "You were 124 pounds on the scale this morning and have probably gained three pounds from breakfast and lunch. You will most likely be about 128 going to bed tonight after dinner. No, you can't have an ice cream or an off meal." I used to weigh 156 and was happy. I just always felt like a glutten and that everyone saw me as too big. I was always told that I just had a sturdy frame (I have medium to large bones) and was built like an athlete, but I always saw myself as just plain and simply large.
Now I just don't know what to do. I have good food days and bad food days. On my good food days I think to myself, "Yeah, you can do this!" On my bad food days I think, "I don't know how much longer I can take this. I can't do this for the rest of my life. I couldn't be more miserable. Someone just shoot me."
*Sigh* I just thought I should get this all off my chest. I live in fear that I am going to gain weight, but I also live in fear of being hungry. My little brother told me, "You've become one of those people we used to hate! All of a sudden what's on the outside is more important than what's on the inside! I'm not saying that I want you to eat just like you used to; I just want you to be healthy."
Oh, dear. Hahaha. I didn't mean to make this so long, but when I start to vent there is no stopping me. Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a lovely night! Have fun and sleep well.
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 Comments
Hello Raye! I'm sorry to hear that you're not allowing yourself some treats now and then. Are you maintaining your weight or looking to lose more? What I find helps me is to track every calorie I eat (the G1 app is fantastic for this). I know how many calories I want to eat, how many I've had so far that day, and how many I have for the remainder of the day. Knowing that, I know when I can and when I can't allow myself ice cream or some other treat. It might work for you, but I suggest not obsessing over food too much. As long as you don't make a habit of overindulging you'll be fine! :)
10 Aug 09 by member: wintersmith
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Hi! You sound really upset over something that you have to deal with for the rest of your life - food, eating, and health. Do you have insurance? Maybe it would help you to talk to a nutritionist or some other type of counselor? These are things we all worry about - but if your mom is worried too, then maybe it's time for a professional point of view. Even your doctor could help you figure out what is the best amount of food for you each day. Good Luck!
10 Aug 09 by member: abbadabba
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Raye.... do not think you are alone...many weomen also think too much about food and obsess about a pound or two ..However these feelings can begin to have a negative effect on our happiness..this is a warning sign sometmes this can spiral out of control and become a full blown eating disorder. Guard your health more than your dress size. Be aleart to the warning signs. reserch what is a healthy weight for yourself and do not go below it. Don't equate thinness with happiness.
make a list of your positive attributes that are not related to your body or appearance. Above all love yourself enough to take care of your health. Any body who loves you will appreaciate and admire you if you take yourself seriously and take care of your body. A tip. If you are not at your recommended healthy weight eat protein, it staves off hunger and completly obstain from sugar, it causes an insulin dump into your system and triggers your craving for sweets. Eat carbs , but make sure they are complex carbs such as vegatables , and whole grains. Dont forget to try annd get your 5 serving of fruit and vegies per day. If you find you can only get one serving of fruit , make sure it is citrus. this has essential vitamins for overall health. Good luck...C
28 Dec 11 by member: Carolyn Ray
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