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I love thunderstorms. I don't even mind when I am awakened from sleep by them. I am up well before my alarm is scheduled to go off. Front door is propped open and the rain is pouring down with intermittent flashes of lightening and thunder. Strangely, it makes me feel at peace.
Today, I will stay away from the scale. It isn't because I suspect a change. I just need to disrupt my obsessive weighing and limit myself to once per week. I tell myself this daily, but I am reinforcing it by typing it here.
Yesterday was a long day at work...nearly 12 hours. But, I made it through with minimal trauma. A funny thing happened. The "friend" who last month had not been honest about something in the workplace and who has completely ostracized me ever since, sat down next to me at a work event and commented, "Hey, I thought I would tell you that so and so doctor in the next town over now prescribes Phentermine." I wasn't, and still am not, quite sure how to take that. I had wore a different suit to work yesterday. I had fished it out of the back of my closet and, frankly, it was something that I had owned for over ten years but was finally able to squeeze back into. Many people I work with had made very flattering comments that day complimenting me on the suit and remarking that they could tell I had slimmed down. But, she sat next to me and took up a conversation as if we were once again close knit friends about where I can get diet pills. It struck me that she was attempting to ascertain how I have lost weight. I did quickly respond with "I don't take diet pills. I've lost weight mostly just by running." Please don't get me wrong. I have absolutely nothing against people who utilize medication to help them get a head start on their weight loss, though I do believe that a decent physician who prescribes such medication should wean you off of it and follow up with you regularly to ensure you transition into maintaining weight loss without a prescription. But it just seemed so peculiar to me that the first real comment my "friend" makes to me after ostracizing me and bashing me to other mutual workplace acquaintances pertained to diet pills. Also, it should be noted that my "friend" is now and has been as long as I have known her naturally thin...as in maybe 125 pounds soaking wet. In a small town, gossip runs rampant. My feeling was that she was prying for information as to how I've lost weight. I discussed the matter with my husband last night. He suggested that maybe she was trying to open lines of communication with me once again by trying to find some common ground to start a conversation that was not strictly work. Maybe so. He is a pretty smart fella. Though, you'd think she might have chosen a better topic...like "How is your son recovering from his head injury?" or "Have you gotten your Christmas shopping done?" I guess I have a chip on my shoulder about my weight. I know it is one of the first things people notice, whether it be gaining weight or losing weight. But, there is so much more to me than the measurement of my waist.
Diet Calendar Entries for 05 December 2013:
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1561 kcal
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Fat: 58.01g | Prot: 106.17g | Carb: 153.58g.
Breakfast: Milk (Nonfat), Great Value Maple & Brown Sugar Instant Oatmeal. Lunch: Croutons, Keebler Club Crackers Original, Kraft 3 Cheese Mexicana Shredded Cheese, Ken's Steak House Fat Free Ranch Dressing, Subway Turkey Breast & Ham Salad. Dinner: Kraft 3 Cheese Mexicana Shredded Cheese, Kidney Beans (Canned), Bush's Best Chili Magic Beef Chili Starter, Jennie-O Ground Turkey Breast 99/1. Snacks/Other: Deli Turkey or Chicken Breast Meat, Helados Mexico Fresa-Strawberry Premium Ice Cream Bars, Baby Carrots, Sabra Supremely Spicy Hummus, Blue Diamond Whole Natural Almonds, Sam's Choice Dry-roasted Pistachios. more...
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 Comments
Hey, 2MC... I'm kind of where you're at on this. I think the "friend" was trying to hit you below the belt (or at the belt). But you're husband could be right... maybe she was thinking you've been struggling (even if you haven't) and was trying to be nice. Either way, I'd keep her at arms length -- cordial, but not necessarily pals. That's just me. I also think it's good to take a vacation from the scale here and there. Tracking it daily is maddening sometimes. TAKE CARE and get ready for VACATION! It's coming quickly!
06 Dec 13 by member: Rob.c.weiss
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Oh my - I had to check the header twice to be sure this wasn't one of my journals - I soooooo know you're feeling on this, all of it, from the resentment that of all the wonderful, amazing things you do thru your day, week, year, and decade it's the 'weight' people seem to think is 'open season' for commenting. I have had to struggle many times to not put the weight back on out of resentment that my body is getting more attention than 'the whole me'. It felt like I could discover the cure for cancer and the headline would read 'Bella lost ###lbs ... oh, and cured cancer.' That comment about the doc/RX ... I know I'm reacting simply to reading it because I wasn't there but it has 'BS' written all over it. No one EVER wants to believe it CAN be done without RX or magic beans, do they? I've been so proud to not use any appetite suppressants, magic beans, etc., this time around but in my 40's I did take phenteramine to lose weight. I did lose, but I fully believe it's like anything else, if the mindset isn't there to do it, no pill will help. I know this because I didn't work on the 'rest' - emotional eating, portion control, etc., while I was taking it... I just starved inbetween binges. And at some point, I think a year, the Dr's ARE required to stop prescribing it (at least, that's what mine said) but as you mentioned, had not referred me to a dietician or counselor or anyone to help me gain new skills so .. my RX ran out about the same time my willpower did. Even when I got another Dr. to prescribe it to me.. it didn't work because I'd lost my mojo. But as I've been told, re the friend, trust your gut. If that was her opening line, not even a cordial apology or compliment on you, your suit, etc., then my opinion was she was fishing in a mean way. A backhanded comment. I don't believe in burning bridges but I am getting to old to stand in the center of a weak connection and put myself at risk. If you want to continue with her, as your husband suggested, have a frank discussion and protect yourself.
06 Dec 13 by member: FullaBella
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Rob, thank you for the comment. I am so ready for vacation!
Bella, I don't have a problem burning bridges. I've learned over the years that there are just some people who are toxic to me. I saw a post on facebook this morning that read: I don't burn bridges. I poor concrete and build a mall on it. If it weren't for having to work with this "friend", she would be somewhere under Sears now. I believe you are right now that I have had further time to think about it. My gut tells me that she was in fact fishing for information with a backhand insult at the same time. Unfortunately, since I can't cut her off entirely I am going to have to simply keep her at a distance and keep my words to her exclusively related to business at hand.
06 Dec 13 by member: 2ManyCurves
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LOVE that... pour concrete & build a Mall. I'm going to use that sometime. Just the visual of my BCF buried in concrete is a bit comforting!
06 Dec 13 by member: FullaBella
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