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09 July 2010

I think I hit a serious low yesterday. I ate at Checker's twice. After each burger I was like, this is gross, why am I doing this to myself. Then I got distracted with work. Then I ate there again last night for dinner and felt the same gross feeling after my trance-like feeding. There's no other way I could call it but that.

Needless to say I was feeling awful about myself and where I've ended up. I was on my knees crying out to God for forgiveness because obviously I went back to thinking that I could do this on my own. I went back to thinking that I GOT this. I didn't it.

Without God I am nothing.

So after my tearful plea, I got up and went grocery shopping. I picked up everything that was good for my body. I came home and stocked my fridge and cupboards with good-for-me foods. Then I set my alarm for 5:30am to go workout.

I woke up to the alarm this morning and didn't want to get up. I started thinking I can go tomorrow morning after I sleep in. Then I heard "you set that alarm for a reason." That shot me out of bed and into my workout clothes and down University Drive I drove to LA Fitness.

I said, "self, we're going to start off slow and do C25K week 1, day 1. That was easy last time we started it." This time, however, I could barely make it past the 5th interval! I was soooo upset that I couldn't finish the 20 minutes. I hopped off the treadmill and stretched while catching my breath. This is NOT happening! I worked really hard before...I once jogged for 15 minutes straight and I was 15lbs heavier, now I can't walk/jog for 20 minutes?? What the H-E-double hockey sticks?!?!!

While I was stretching, I pretty much accepted that this is me starting over. Or maybe it was the Checkers still in my system. Either way, I'm starting over...rebooting and recharging. I hopped on the elliptical and rocked out to some fast songs via Mariah, Alicia, Danity and the like for about 30 min.

After that I walked to my car feeling like I was part of an ending scene of the 1st movie of a trilogy.

On to the next chapter...

01 July 2010

23 June 2010

So, I've decided to weigh in. How can I move forward without assessing the situation first? This is how I put out proverbial "fires" at work. What damage has been done? What can we do to fix it? What processes can be implemented so that it doesn't happen again? Those are the three things I ask myself whenever something goes wrong at work. I certainly should be able to do it with my health.

So, here it is: about a 10lb gain...that's the damage, check.

I know how I got here, so I know how to get back to under 290. The same way I got there in the first place. Control my eating, exercise 4 times a week with AM HIIT cardio and PM weight training...will fix, check.

During the past week or so, I returned to a disillusioned state. A state where I believed I was doing everything right when in fact, everything was wrong. I convinced myself that eating certain foods was ok for just this one day. But that one day turned into the next day and the next day and eventually almost a full week. I don't believe in depriving myself, so I will have to plan for one day every two weeks where I can have portion-controlled foods that I would not otherwise enjoy every single day. It was a failure to plan, period. If I plan for such days and increase workouts around those 2 days of the month, I can and will be victorious in continuing my weight loss....this plan will be implemented so that I never get back here, check.

22 June 2010

21 June 2010

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