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Maryberry1
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Weight History
showing entries 16 to 20 of 30
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26 February 2011
I shouldn't be mad at my best friend, but she seriously is a food enabler. Nope, the ultimate blame falls on me, I shouldn't have eaten the junk. "Do you want a cookie?" in that way of hers where if you say no she acts like you're the biggest spoil sport in the world, you're no fun, you're depriving her of pleasure by not stuffing your face...Ugh. Just tell her no and let HER deal with HER issues about why she feels the need to feed everyone all the time. I wasn't going to enter all the crap I ate tonight, but I'm glad I did, even though I could only estimate what I had over there. It could very well be worse than that. Well, this is a lesson. If I can't eat around her without going completely mental, then I'm not eating around her. Just because she acts like it's ok isn't a reason to kid myself that it is in fact, ok. "Go on! It's only one cookie! God! You're allowed to have a night off! You don't have to go overboard!" The answer to that is, "No, I don't need to eat the cookie, being healthy is a struggle for me and I would appreciate it if you didn't encourage me to abandon my efforts at being healthy, now please stop offering me things you know are not healthy for me." For her weight loss or "dieting" is all about how you look, she thinks I look fine therefore no need to "diet" but that is so not the point. I do not want to be fat sure, because it would be nice to look nice in clothes and have wider shopping options for clothes, but mostly, I don't want to be fat because I don't want to feel like this. I am too young to be out of breath after climbing one flight of stairs, to have my feet hurt if I go to a big mall to go shopping, to have so much back pain, to feel so tired and old before my time. I want to have more energy, I don't want all the health problems I know are waiting around the corner for me if i age and do nothing about my weight. I don't want to be diabetic, I don't want heat disease, etc. It's such a struggle to control myself around food and even though I love her to death, my best friend doesn't get it. She thinks you should just "control yourself" and I wish she knew what it was like not to feel that control. So she would have some empathy. I hope it will come in time, I mean I hope I will gain more control in time. I don't expect the bff will ever gain empathy over this particular topic, because she's pretty judgmental with her hubby for the same thing I'm going through. I'm real glad I don't live with her and I feel a little bit more for him now, because it's got to be quite a bit of a struggle for him on a daily basis. Yeah, so clearly she likes to encourage us not to follow our plan, and clearly I don't have the will power or strength to tell her no, so I'm going to have to avoid food situations with her or get better at saying no. I'm going to walk tomorrow for an hour so I don't go into a hate spiral on myself. I wish my elliptical wasn't broken.
26 February 2011
Weigh-in:
258.6 lb
lost so far:
5.4 lb
still to go:
98.6 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
losing 2.1 lb a week
24 February 2011
I have been over sleeping and missing breakfast. So then I run to class and don't get to eat till I'm STARVING. Bad. I have been jonesing for pizza for days and i went to the store to see if I could just have a little pizza. Totally not worth it. Pizza has got to be one of the most calorically dense foods known to man. I settled for the Lean Cuisine version. It actually still satisfied the craving and I'm full, so that's a bonus. I guess real pizza just isn't in the stars. Or if I do it's going to be something amazing like Pizzeria Bianco or nothing. If I'm going to run off the rails it's going to be for the best food, not the worst.
Buying prepackaged salads are getting pricey I think. Even though I'm eating fewer calories, I feel like I'm eating way more food. Before I wouldn't eat all day and then like 4 or 5 I'd run through a drive through and that would be the only thing I had all day. Now I am eating breakfast and lunch and dinner and snacks and it all adds up to a lot of food. I don't know I guess I should go through my finances and see how much I'm actually spending. Maybe it's not as much as I think because I'm not going through drive-thrus all the time. I think it's been about a month or so since I've had any fast food. I don't miss it. It usually was something I did for convenience and not because I really wanted the food.
24 February 2011
Weigh-in:
259.2 lb
lost so far:
4.8 lb
still to go:
99.2 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
losing 0.7 lb a week
23 February 2011
Couldn't fall asleep out of hunger. I had already met my water goal, and my calorie goal. So i get up and decide just to have a little something so my stomach stops making noise and feeling icky. I heat up the broccoli soup, decide to take a hit on the calories, at least it's broccoli. I eat half of it. My stomach is still growling, I just couldn't force myself to eat it all. I'm hungry and yet no appetite, what the heck is that about? Well, while I'm waiting for this growling feeling to go away I'm at least getting tomorrow's homework done, since I won't be getting up at 6 to do it like I intended, clearly.
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