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Weight History
showing entries 16 to 20 of 25
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17 April 2018
It's been a few days since I felt the need to write anything. I have been ok. Staying focused, not a 100% faithful to the plan but getting there. I usually start out slow, focussing on analyzing what is is I have been eating and trying to break free of the carb cravings. I have been good at not eating after dinner also. I tend to eat dinner a little late due to my work schedule. By the time I get home and cook I really don't need anything to snack on to hold me to the morning. I tend to ignore the need and just go with the want. I want something sweet at night while I watch TV. Habit I picked up from my stepdad who eats Ice cream every night, or he used to. At 60 this habit has finally caught up with him. Regardless of his weight which has always been within the guidelines, he has now developed heart issues and is watching his cholesterol. Just goes to show nobody is immune to bad eating habits. So and so may look thin and healthy but that does not mean they are. I have been a nurse for 30 years in primary care and I have seen many, many different ailments in many, many shapes and sizes. So don't be envious of those who appear fitter and healthier than you. Underneath they may be a train wreck. It alway infuriated me that people look at overweight people and make judgement calls. Did you read about the guy who ran 10 miles a day, ate healthy foods and dropped dead on the side of the road. I did. Perfect specimen on the outside, but something was a miss on the inside. In contrast the obese lady who has perfect blood pressure, low cholesterol and no signs of diabetes. I am not saying that in time she won't have problems but it isn't fair to assume she will, and its foolish to assume the jogger is in good health. As we age all things change. The only thing you can do is keep trying to improve yourself and keep active. That I have seen with my own eyes. Age is debilitating that is true, but those who do their best to stay active seem to fair better than those who do not. The 80 year old who does yoga lives much more comfortably that the 80 year old who sits in her house all day. Just and observance.
(3 comments)
12 April 2018
My friend lost like 40 pounds on that 8/16 diet. It seems like a legit thing, but really hard for a working person to do. He doesn't have a 9-5 so he can make his own rules. If I were to do that I could not have my morning coffee. I live for my morning coffee. I sometimes only get outta bed because I dream of that fresh brewed cup of Starbucks dark roasted liquid gold. I have always loved coffee for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid my grandfather used to take me to Baskin Robbins and of all the flavors available to me I used to choose coffee. He used to laugh and tell me I was a different sorta kid. I don't think you can deny yourself things that's why I like the calories in calories out diet most of all. I do try to keep it lower on the carb and higher on the protein side but I don't deny myself a good slice of pizza now and then. Emphasis on the good. However that does lead me to my recent revelation, emphasis on the good, the tasy the loved. Have you ever eaten something and then wondered why you have eaten something that you really didn't like?
I was very successful 2 years ago before my hip replacement at loosing weight. I pretty much taylored my own diet to meet my needs. I counted my calories, aimed for the lower carbs without depriving myself, went to the gym 2-3 times per week and ate clean as I could. I was doing really well until the surgery. I got very anxious and scared and ate everything in site. Afterward I refocused for a bit but I had get back to work probably sooner than I should have. Then a slipped disc in my back kept me nearly bed ridden for almost 6 weeks. I spiraled totally outta control. Now I am moving forward and trying to get back to that point that I was doing so well and not feeling as if I was even dieting. Eating clean isn't to hard for me I love to cook and I don't see the point in buying it boxed when I can make it myself. So what else was I doing that was impeding my reduction. I realize that I ate foods I didn't even like. I was one of those kids raised to clean your plate. Now I know this is just the way it was done and my parents and grandparents meant no harm but I did as I was told and never developed a sense of what I liked. I liked food even as a child so it wasn't really hard to get me to eat. I also think I began emotional eating at young age so to be told to clean my plate or else, the logical thing to do was to clean the plate and avoid the conflict. But there are a lot of foods I just don't like. Hot dogs and macaroni and cheese for instance. Don't like them together or apart. Baked or fried or whatever I just don't like it. I know totally unAMerican of me. Lemony things except for real lemons, don't give me lemon cakes, cookies or pies. My mom and I go shopping every two weeks and she is in shock when I say "I don't really like that." because most of my life I ate it for various reasons. Maybe I did't want to insult who ever was offering it to me. Maybe that's all there was and everybody else was eating it, or maybe I wasn't given a choice. No matter, now I am big and able to make my own decisions. I have to weigh my options, is it worth eating and adding to my calorie count if it is something I really don't care for. Well if its that or starve I suppose so, but I doubt I'll starve to death any time soon. I never even noticed this was something I did until I was analyzing by calorie intake for awhile. We have snacks and lunches at work and there have been some days I had to decide if I just wanted to eat for the sake of eating or did I want to wait until I got home to eat a nice juicy steak. Looking around at the buffet of food I didn't really care for much that was there, and some of what was there tasted like ass, no disrespect but not everyone can cook. I put a puff pasty in my mouth and spit it back out it was awful. Point is I spit it back out. There was a time I would choke it down even if I didn't like it. There was a time I would pile my plate full even if there wasn't that much I found appealing. I don't know exactly why this was my normal behaviour but it was. My friend and I plan meals or go out to eat quite often especially during the summer and I used to go along with whatever she wanted to eat. Then I started to let her know, I just don't like that. I don't make a fuss I don't chastise her for eating it I just explain why I don't like it and leave it at that. I surprise myself sometimes because for years I ate it and now I can say I don't like that, even if it makes me seem like a freak because 90% of the rest of the world loves it.....or do they?????
(3 comments)
12 April 2018
Weigh-in:
347.0 lb
lost so far:
4.0 lb
still to go:
96.0 lb
Diet followed reasonably well
add comment
losing 4.0 lb a week
11 April 2018
I don't seem to cry anymore. My life has been rough. I haven't had it easy. Its been down right hard. You know the saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Well I could bench press a hummer. This morning something bad happened. Not life shattering bad, just scream, yell, cry or punch a wall kinda bad. It's a set back. Financially it just killed me for maybe the whole summer. Only it didn't make me cry. I really am not even that upset. It's my own fault for not taking care of my business in timely manner. I am the queen of procrastination. Still, there was a time I would cry. I would feel sorry for myself. I would hate my life, but I don't. I could stress about how I am going to make things right or have anxieties about all the things that could go wrong if this does not get resolved, but I can't. I am not capable of crying or getting mad or even stressing out about this situation. I will fix it and everything will be fine. Should have taken care of it earlier and I would not be here now. That's my bad but I can fix it. I wonder if this is a sense of maturity or am I just so tainted that I don't feel anything anymore. It could be worse. I know people that have it worse. Compared to them this is nothing. Curiouser and Curiouser I don't know what this means.
(7 comments)
10 April 2018
Not really off to a great start but that is not what matters right now. I feel like I am starting from the very bottom and I am going to have to ascend slowly and carefully. I guess I feel a little frustrated because it is that time of year again when everyone starts some enlightening diet that will carry them on the wings of a butterfly to the great scale in the sky and reveal that perfect weight they have dreamed about. You know the one you see in magazines and TV shows. Everyone is so perfect, and perfectly happy. Thing is there is no magic diet cure, pill, exercise or other rabbit to pull from a hat. Its all about reality, consistency and moderation. Sure you can starve yourself, or exercise rigorously for a few weeks. You will drop a few pounds and for some that is all they need. For others a few pounds is great but it is not going to get you beach body ready. So I sit silently at the lunch table and listen to their diet woes. Their ramblings of what they ate or didn't eat, their failures and success. I sit silently choking down my lemon dressed spinach and tuna for the third time this week. I sit silently and hate them because if I had their bodies I would be running naked in the moonlight and thanking the gods for blessing me with such a perfect package. I sit silently and try not to let on that inside I'm dying with disappointment that I have to go down this road again. I sit silently suppressing the rage and hate I have inside that I have to start over again from the bottom. I'm so far in the hole I can't see the light at the top, and in front of all these people I sit silently, because they just won't understand the journey I face. A few weeks of self restraint will not get me to my goal, it will barely make a dent in my journey. So they won't understand. They won't understand how I just have to keep focused and keep climbing slowly and surely. They won't understand that I can't even set a time limit on it. There is no end to this, not really. This isn't about a beach body, a wedding dress, or a class reunion. This is about life. My life. So I sit here quietly and remind myself to just play my own game, take my own steps and move my own mountains.
(14 comments)
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