|
I read a story last night that had big impact on me. It was about a lady who asked her husband to lock up all the food that she spent the night after he gone to sleep trying to find the key, and finally picking the lock, eating everything and than locking the cuboards back up.
I thought wow that me. No I don't pick locks, but I eat alone. I love to eat alone, it's the part of traveling for business that I like the best. I dream about the resturants I'll eat in and what I'll have before I go. I love it when my DH goes out of town and I can eat alone. I spend hours [really] scanning the grocery story for the goodies I'll bring home to eat...by myself. This isn't a new thing for me either, I remember when I first learned to drive what I could wait for was that I could leave school at lunch time and go to pizza place for lunch; alone, where I woulad eat a whole pizza. I was even doing this when my boy started school, and would go everyday to the drive through sometimes more than one drive through, because I didn't want anyone to know just how much I was eating.
What is wrong with me? I guess my new quest is to figure out why sneak food, and feel the need to eat alone. I keep thinking about as feeling like I need to hide my food so that I'll get enough and no one will steal it from me. I don't understand these feeling as I never went hungery as a child or anything like that.
I don't have answers yet...I guess that will come with time. At least I have now put down the truth, and I can't hide it from it anymore. I am an addict, no more no less. My drug of choice is food. I wonder if I should consider a 12 step program for food addicts.
There are no easy answers.
|