kingkeld's Journal, 11 January 2012

Yesterday was a day of challenges.

The other day I bought a couple of "hunger killer" nutrition bars, to have in my back pack at work, in case I get the munchies. Well, I got the munchies yesterday, and I had one. They tasted okay, though not better than any other old dull protein bar. They're never gonna be my favorite. However, after I had it I got SO hooked on getting chocolate. It just got worse and worse throughout the day, getting hungrier and hungrier. I had the 2nd one. I was hoping this would fix it. Well, it didn't. It got worse.

Through yesterday, I had breakfast, morning snack (the bar), lunch, another bar, late 2nd lunch (as I was hungry!), then early dinner with wife.

Nothing seemed to satisfy me. I needed chocolate. I was also getting scary close to my RDI, or I would simply have bought chocolate and gotten it out of my head.

After dinner with wife, I walked to the school to teach the kids. There is ONE supermarket on the way, and I ended up in there. I wanted chocolate, but I didn't want to do anything "forbidden", like going over my RDI.

I ended up getting some other protein bars that I already know and like, for future snacks, some sugar free caramels (10 calories each, not bad!) and ONE BAR OF FRICKIN' CHOCOLATE! I don't even know how it ended in my basket! (well, I do, but let's just say I don'! lol...).

So, when I got out, I wanted it, but I felt SO bad. I decided to figure out how much of it I could afford to max out my RDI. I ate that portion, and walked towards the school with the rest of the chocolate bar in my hand.

Then, at some point I came across a house with the trash can outside. I simply stopped and threw the rest of the chocolate away.

I figured that it I kept it I would probably end up eating it that same day, and I didn't want it sitting in my back pack calling my name at work another day. I like to bring snacks to work, but I need them to be okay snacks. Chocolate is not okay for me - I usually can't control it.

I really hated that the nutrition bars did this to me. I will NEVER buy those again. It's a smaller Scandinavian brand called Nutralett, most of you will probably never encounter them. If you do, avoid!

I do think that considering the circumstances I did pretty good handling it. I did NOT go over my RDI. I did cave in to have chocolate, but I am okay with that as long as I didn't go over.

Since I have changed my RDI to 1800, I am trying to get as close to it as possible to fully know how it affects my weight loss. What use is it to set it at 1800 if I end up eating an average of 1500? Then I would still not know how it affects me.

I slept pretty bad last night. I was awake speculating about work. I hate when this happens, though my thoughts have changed. They have changed from worries to more of a reminder-type thought. Remember this, remember that. I usually fix it by sending myself an email at work to remember the things that keep me awake. This makes me able to let go and get some sleep.

Not last night, though. I didn't get more than 3-4 hours sleep. I'm gonna be tired today.

I'm thinking of looking into mindfulness, maybe take a class, read a few books, something.

We preach it and recommend it to people who are out sick because of stress and depression. It's good for them (for us?) and they are very happy to take the classes. I wish I could to take them too, but that's sadly not the case. You have to be sick and away from work to do that.

So I will take a look at things from another angle, see if I can use some tools from there to help myself. I need this cleaned up, to be the best version of myself that I can possible be.

I think this is an important thing for all of us, and sadly I think that it's a thing that not many of us can truly claim to be. The best version of us that can be.

We all have problems. We all have issues. We're all OCD at some level. Most of us like to do things a certain way, most of us worry about something, most of us slack when we should be doing something now and then.

Being the best the we can be will help us in so many ways. Just think of it in a weight loss related situation. Bad me will not care about the weight I have put on, bad me will just keep eating. Good me will be conscious and eat right and work out to get the weight off.

Fortunately, for all of us, Good me is taking over in this department. Even those, who think it's not the case - you are reading this journal because you logged on to FatSecret. Isn't that taking action? Maybe you're just not 100% there yet - but logging on is a huge step compared to doing nothing.

Of course, there is always room for improvement. We can always do better, trim the fat (pun intended), tighten up, work harder. But we need to try to find a place where we are comfortable and happy with EVERYTHING that we do.

I can honestly say that my weight loss has gotten me closer to that goal significantly. But I can also honestly say that I am far from there.

I have job in which I am inexperienced. It's a job with a lot of rules and regulations that change constantly. It's very hard to get settled in such a job, especially since my decisions directly affect people's welfare.

This is a huge weight on my shoulders, but I like that responsibility. I do get to help a lot of people, and I love that. However, there are so many things that need to be done, and it can be hard to keep it all in check. I do my best, though, and try to use all the tools that I am given to do this. I get better every day, and I try to see this as my "be the best you can", instead of expecting me to be perfect from day one.

Just like with my weight loss journey, really. None of us are perfect when it comes to weight loss. We can only do so much. We get tempted, like I did yesterday. We get tired from work and don't work out. We simply get lazy. So many factors come into play, and that's okay. As long as we are working towards getting better at it.

We'll get there, people. We'll all get there. Take a little step at a time, lose one kilo or lb after another. One foot in front of the other. This will get us to the goal, sooner or later.

But how DO we handle stress? How do we find the inner peace to not have those panic attacks or sleepless nights? For me, I will try to find out more about mindfulness. For those who don't know of it, it's simply put about being aware of what is going on around you right now, and focusing on that. When you have things troubling you, find out if they are just thoughts that are bothering you or if you can do something about the issue. If you can not do something about it, then learn to handle the thought and being nothing but "just a thought", and dispose of it. If you can do something about it, well, then do it.

Being able to distinguish this better will make us able to find a little more peace.

Another thing is to not put your own issues on the back burner. It's tempting sometimes. We all have people that we love, and want to protect. They have problems like everyone else. Being the kind and generous people we are, many times we put them first and let them wear us down. We have our own issues, but we just don't get to do anything about them because of these other factors. It would be family members, friends, or work for that matter.

I think it's important that we take these issues, that are ours, and start owning them. These issues are most likely what stresses us, and they very well could be what has made us gain weight, or what keeps us from losing weight.

If we can find out how to fix these issues, then we have a very valuable key to our well-being, including weight. The moment we are happy, we don't need to self medicate with food.

I could go on forever on this topic, I find it really interesting. I think you guys pretty much get what I'm saying though. I better stop before this will be a whole new book! :)

Today, I am thankful that
- I DID eventually fall asleep and slept like a rock for those few hours.
- A good weight loss. I'm getting closer to a new low. Let's do this!
- PROUD that I manage to throw out half a chocolate bar yesterday instead of going over my RDI.
- A nice, quiet evening at home tonight, with a good movie or two.
- Coffee.
- A productive day at work. I will try to catch up on a few extra things though the day.
- The decision to look into mindfulness. Next stop Amazon.com. :)
- You guys!

Wednesdays are happy days! Life is good!
180.1 lb Lost so far: 161.6 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed 100%.

Diet Calendar Entries for 11 January 2012:
1856 kcal Fat: 80.61g | Prot: 70.67g | Carb: 207.04g.   Breakfast: Egg, Rye Bread, Sliced Ham (Extra Lean). Lunch: Frikadelle, Rye Bread. Dinner: Cabbage Soup. Snacks/Other: Kakaois, Werther's Original Sugar Free Hard Candy, sugar free chewing gum, Cream Puff, Sweet or Dark Chocolate, dark chocolate. more...
3216 kcal Activities & Exercise: Calisthenics (light, e.g. home exercise) - 30 minutes, Standing - 3 hours and 30 minutes, Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 2 hours and 15 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Sitting - 5 hours and 15 minutes, Desk Work - 4 hours and 30 minutes. more...
on diet kingkeld's own diet   losing 7.7 lb a week

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Comments 
So great that you threw the rest of the chocolate bar away. You should be so proud of yourself. As you said, you controlled yourself, you stayed within your RDI plus you managed to satisfy your craving. Have a great day. 
11 Jan 12 by member: baacs
keld, i'm so proud of you for throwing away half a chocolate bar! i think i'm not as far as you are and i think, i couldn't do that... i've seen myself, thinking of everything else but chocholate...but i usually can't resist to then really eat chocolate :)  
11 Jan 12 by member: joelae
Well done on the chocolate bar, good move. One of my weaknesses, used to be wiping a slice of bread around the roast meat tin. Now, I immediately put the tin under water and put a squirt of washing up liquid in it. But, to be honest, I don't think I need to do that anymore, because it is not so appealing. I do think our tastes change, when we do without something. Hopefully your sweet tooth will diminish, as you have less and less sweet things. The sleeplessness is the pits.... Have you tried keeping a pad and pencil by your bed, so you can jot things down? It is a bit like sending an e-mail to yourself, except you don't have to get out of bed. I have done both before, but sometimes it just doesn't work if you are really anxious. In times like that, I would just get up, make myself a warm drink and sit by our garden pond. I found the combination of a warm drink and the cold air worked for me. Hopefully, as you get more experienced, your anxiousness will diminish :-). Have a good day 
11 Jan 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
The notepad and pen and the email is defnitely same thing. I send the email from my phone or Tabby, both are charging bedside, so I I don't need to get out of bed. It might actually pay off to just get up - trouble is that I know I won't make it back to bed. Waking up at 4:00-4:30 can be tough on you when you don't get your sleep.  
11 Jan 12 by member: kingkeld
Awesome that you threw away the rest of the chocolate bar, I've done stuff like that before. I get up at 5:15 every morning before everyone else wakes up so that I can have my coffee and be on the computer in peace, reading your blog is one of the things I do every morning, it's very inspirational. Thank you for taking the time to do it! I am finally back on track after the Christmas madness!!! Very exciting to find that motivation again! (and that it didn't take months to find it this time!) Hope your day goes fantastically!!!  
11 Jan 12 by member: pebbles0927
Amazing, Keld. Congrats on throwing away the chocolate. Chocolate doesn't do that to me (I only like dark chocolate anyway). But nuts are my weakness. And I could not do what you did. Terrible to be tortured like you were all day, and then at night. You may be inexperienced in your line of work, but you work really hard and you are unbelievably caring to the point that it comes home with you. I'm sure that makes a world of difference to the people you're helping. I hope you have a better, less stressful, more restful day and night! Life IS good. 
11 Jan 12 by member: Helewis
I stopped eating the protien bars because they remind me of candy bars. Too much of a reminder. Great journal today. Thanks for the smile. I'm sure it just jumped in your basket. They seem to do that lol. Darkest chocolate you can find seems to satisfy. Suck on it slow. I love it with chili. Another one is hershey kisses. 25 cal each and again suck on it slow and usually by the time its gone I feel better and don't need another. Keep the great thoughts coming. Have a great day 
11 Jan 12 by member: petuniak
I highly recommend mindfulness. I don't know if I agree about getting "lazy" about our eating ... for me it is much more complex. Maybe I just don't like the word "lazy." LOL!! It's early ... I'm still on my first cup of coffee. Sorry. Well done with tossing the chocolate!!! I've done that once or twice in my life!!! But not often!!! Have a marvelous day buddy ...  
11 Jan 12 by member: madaboutmoose
Excellent entry Kingkeld. I lie awake many nights too. I think its the human condition. I also want to be more mindful. You are right that we are on that journey somewhat just by being here. I also had an experience like you with the chocolate bar, but mine was with a pack of shelled sunflower seeds. They were on sale for 50 cents, and I really wanted them. 4 servings per package at 190 calories each. I ate a serving, and decided it was far to small to be worthwhile, so I tossed them. I have also had a few chocolate moments lately, last week in fact. I have it, and log it and move on.  
11 Jan 12 by member: posterchild66
Petuniak - hershey kisses have saved my RDI many a night. I often crave a sweet after dinner, and one of those can get me off that kick! I have to keep them really high (well ok, I am only 5 foot tall, so maybe on the middle shelf) so they are out of reach and I have to drag the stool over to get to them....out of reach, out of mind! 
11 Jan 12 by member: JenKatja
I have given up on the nutrition bars and gone back to the 100 grand and milk duds. At least this why I am not bsing myself into thinking I am doing myself any favors by downing multiple high calorie bars in a day. I have room for a bad choice or two during a given day and it seems to be working well...plus it does my mind good to know I don't have to be perfect.  
11 Jan 12 by member: Rpalmst
What discipline! Way to go! I don't know if I would have been able to throw away any portion of choclate if I'm feening for it. That is awesome that you love your job. Not everyone can say that. I will have to steal another one of your ideas...I am going to start emailing myself reminders when my mind is going 100 miles and hour and keeping me from falling asleep. I can so relate to that. Hope you have a great day today and can get some quality sleep tonight.  
11 Jan 12 by member: M.Trublu
Keld, I am so happy I stopped by to read your journal today. I think you are "spot on" everything you mentioned. Stress most often is coming from something inside and not the outside issues at hand of others. Tackling those issues isn't as hard as we think once we have done it. We can make our own "prison", can't we? Time to break out of prison. Hee! Hee! I think those protein "sport" bars are rubish to be honest. They are full of carbs and that will raise your craving for more. The only thing that helps my chocolate craving is allowing myself that one square of Lindt 90% dark chocolate late in the evening. It is rich and decadent and stops the craving. I can't do that with the milk chocolate... no way can I eat JUST one square of that. Try snacking on a handful of mixed nuts at work if you aren't allergic to them, or almonds. It helps me. ;) Keep on writing... you are helping so many others. (((Hugs!!))) 
11 Jan 12 by member: Mom2Boxers
Oh, Keld ... try to stay off any caffeine after 1 PM. Decaf coffee does have caffeine in it and it will keep you up, too. I have lots of issues with sleeping a full night and found this out for myself.  
11 Jan 12 by member: Mom2Boxers
Your level of honestly with yourself is something to aspire to. It's not easy facing the harsh truths but it's how we grow and improve ourselves. You hear that weight loss is about much more than just shedding pounds but I don't think you truly understand until you see the changes in yourself- self-awareness, discipline, and realizing that how you treat yourself- mind and body - IS a priority. 
11 Jan 12 by member: gnat824
Hello Keld, I respect you for the fact that you did what you had to do. You are most definitely a role model to me, and I am sure to many many other people too. But honestly? If I have to get to a point where having a “chocolate” once in a blue moon torment me that much, you know what I will do? I’ll kick this dieting and live my life and accept my body the way it is. I do believe that having a trimmed body and some added health benefits are a nice goal, but there is no way that this is the alpha and omega in life. I have seen MANY people in my life who are happy just the way they are. What I am trying to say; so what if you had a chocolate? My dad always used to say that most things are good as long as there is not a “too” in that. Too much, too little... I do NOT believe that the only way to be successful here is to be completely and utterly obsessive. Work towards your goal, but hey - live life. My cent’s worth..  
11 Jan 12 by member: Ryan75
Good journal as always..the older we get the more set in our ways we get..I am setting me some new ways for me..I have taken care of soo many in my life and now its my turn...So far so good...:O) 
11 Jan 12 by member: BHA
Ryan, the thing is, right now I am trying to adjust to 1800 calories. I don't want to end up significantly higher before I know what I'm doing. If I had been at 1800 for months, I'd have the chocolate. This was a bad day for it happening, other wise I would most likely have had room for it. But yesterday was bad, as I had high calorie foods already, no wiggle room and in the middle of testing a new RDI. :) I agree with you fully, though. Once in a blue moon we're perfectly allowed to have something extra. It's not gonna damage anything worth mentioning. BUT that being said, I do think that my principles have also paved the way to my success doing this. Setting up rules and then sticking to them is the way to go (but of course we can't be perfect EVERY day...). 
11 Jan 12 by member: kingkeld
A great journal entry today and full of thought-provoking stuff, thank you. Self-discovery, mindfulness, being the best person you can be - stuff that's at the forefront of my mind much of the time. 
11 Jan 12 by member: Earthlady
About mindfulness. I took a mindfulness class once. It was too weird for me. I fell asleep during one of the meditation things they had us do (where you lie on the floor and notice how your toes, feet, lets, knees etc I presume, but the time we got to the knees I was always asleep!) Fell into quite deep sleep one time we did it, and freaked totally when I was waken up, felt very vulnerable asleep on the floor with a load of strangers. After that I couldn't relax which was probably part of why I didn't "get" it. Did like the relaxation/meditation yoga moves we did, and can sometimes use the move through the body and feel it exercise to fall asleep.  
11 Jan 12 by member: sunshine_girl

     
 

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