kingkeld's Journal, 29 December 2011

"Uhh, your collar bone poked me in the chin". This is a sentence NOBODY has ever said to me. Until this morning, when I gave Wife a hug.

I see a lot of changes lately. A LOT. I am getting downright body, and I don't think I like it too much. I've always been soft. I've always been the cuddly teddy bear.

Now I feel a little more like a bicycle. Hard and pokey. I can literally see my muscles in arms and legs, and I still don't fully recognize my hands. It's REALLY strange, how these things change.

I am fully used to my face. However, there is this fat guy in all my old photos that I can't relate to any longer. It's strange. I mean, it's only been 15 months doing this and I feel so shallow when I say I don't recognize the old fat guy. It sounds so fake, but that is how I feel.

I think it's psychology that comes into play. Just like I never saw myself as skinny me before I started my weight loss journey, I now don't see myself as fat me any longer. I think I can't related to the photos simply because it's no longer me that I see in the photos. And this really sucks. This affects my wedding pictures and many other great moments that I've had through my life. All being fat. Hmmmm...

It is interesting though, how we change our thoughts. I know I have worked a LOT on mine. I have worked hard on getting the thin mindset, where you live, eat, exercise, think as a thin person would. I think this is part of my solution. I think that not only are we what we eat, we also are what we think. It kinda ties up with the "Yoda" journal I did the day before yesterday. Change your mindset, and you will change you. Make certain things "LAW" and you will not need to worry about them. One of my LAWS are that I do NOT go over RDI. I absolutely hate when it happens and I try hard to shift things around and re-adjust to stay below. Sure, it can be perceived as being a little OCD, but honestly, is it more OCD than thinking "I can't eat beef without gravy" or "I need my going-to-the-movies bucket of popcorn, or I simply won't go!"? I think these things can be equally strong. They're rules that we set up in our heads, we live by them until the end unless we do an effort to change them.

But we CAN change them. It takes a little willpower, but it is absolutely doable. I think one of the easier ways (at least for me) is to ask myself critical questions.

"If I go to the movies, and I don't have popcorn, what will happen? Will I get arrested? Will I die? Will I hurt someone?". The answer is - of course - no. So what, other than the fact that I won't eat popcorn is it that I'm afraid of? Fact is, that once the movie starts and I sit there and watch it and get into it, I really don't care about the popcorn any longer. If they're there, I'll eat 'em. If they're not, I don't miss 'em. Plain and simple.

I have changed many little things about like this over the last 15 months. I don't think it's good to do it all at once, but every now and then when you come across something that you KNOW you could do better, give it a little thought. Experiment. Try NOT having that snack that you're used to. Just try it. Maybe it's not as difficult as you think.

There. That's the thought of the day. :)

So, today I gained some weight back. Still not too bad. I was down a good chunk yesterday, 900g, and I am up 700 today. So over two days it's a 200g weight loss. I can live with that. My only thing is that I now need to lose 2.4 kgs to reach my Saturday morning goal. It's a tough one.

I'm still working hard to get there. I exercise more than I have ever done before in my life. Yesterday I did my exercise DVD (30 minutes) after writing my journal. I felt so bad about slacking, and I just had to do it to get peace with myself. I think this is becoming LAW. I HAVE to do my morning exercises. Not a bad thing, I think.

Afterwards, Wife and I FINALLY watched the last Harry Potter movie. What a great ending to the saga. I highly recommend it, though I don't think it'll make much sense unless you see the whole thing, all 8 movies. There are so many references and story lines that go through the whole thing. It's brilliant work.

The movie is 130 minutes, and the 120 of the I spent on the exercise bike. It's a great way for me to get come calories burned. I set the weight on it so that I can comfortably ride, but it's not light. I find the level where I can tell that I will tire quickly, and then go one setting under that. It works great. I can already tell a huge difference in stamina.

I also did a little shopping for dinner with Wife. Here, shopping means walking to the store, about 10 minutes away, shopping, and dragging it all back home and up to the 3rd floor. No car. It's a little workout in itself.

We had guests over yesterday. Wife did her amazing Mexican rice, and a turkey breast dish, Carne guisada. Normally this is done with beef or pork, but we opted for turkey as it's healthier and we had a good chunk in the freezer. Saved us a little money. It was awesome.

After dinner, Wife made dessert, and it turns out that in our rush to get stuff at the store we got the wrong cream for the dessert. I just got up and ran to the store to get it, back in about 15. I gotta say I was surprised. It was no real effort, and I enjoyed doing it. Not too long ago I would have been highly irritated and moaning and groaning about having to go back out. I had absolutely no problem with it yesterday. I thought it was cool that I could run back up the stairs after getting the cream. Oh, and the dessert was delish! :)

Today I am thankful for
- another day at home with Wife.
- the outlook of another walk with her.
- time on the exercise bike.
- morning coffee!
- eggs in the morning
- having accomplished doing my exercise DVD
- kitty cat sleeping in my lap again, keeping me warm.

Happy Thursday, my friends! Life is good!

181.4 lb Lost so far: 160.3 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed 100%.

Diet Calendar Entries for 29 December 2011:
1480 kcal Fat: 69.73g | Prot: 51.34g | Carb: 156.72g.   Breakfast: Egg, Rye Bread (Reduced Calorie). Lunch: Lettuce Salad with Assorted Vegetables, Ranch Salad Dressing (Fat Free). Dinner: Beef Tongue, Mixed Vegetables (Solids and Liquids, Canned), cream of mushroom, French or Vienna Bread (Includes Sourdough), Lettuce Salad with Assorted Vegetables, Ranch Salad Dressing (Fat Free). Snacks/Other: Whipped Cream (Pressurized), Kakaois, extra lean ham. more...
3663 kcal Activities & Exercise: Walking (moderate) - 3/mph - 2 hours and 15 minutes, Bicycling (leisurely) - <10/mph - 2 hours and 45 minutes, Calisthenics (light, e.g. home exercise) - 30 minutes, Sitting - 10 hours, Sleeping - 8 hours, Standing - 30 minutes. more...
on diet kingkeld's own diet   gaining 10.8 lb a week

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Comments 
keld, another journal of yours i really liked to read. you keep me motivated and you inspire me. thank you for that. and i have seen you running for the cream. well done. :) 
29 Dec 11 by member: joelae
Thanks for checking in King. Am I imagining things or is your journal happening later in the day. I sit at work and wait now... hehe. I can relate to your fear of going to the movies without popcorn. I have this too, but even more I fear sitting by the pool in summer without a lot of cold beer, or vacationing without beer and overindulging in food. Hmm, good point to ponder. What to do? Good luck with cutting that weight this week!  
29 Dec 11 by member: posterchild66
Some of the things you comment about noticing in yourself, I so relate to. When I was visiting then-laws yesterday, they had some photos which we all looked through. There was one of me looking huge.... If someone hadn't said look at Pam in that one, I wouldn't have recognised myself. My hubby couldn't quite believe the picture either, he says I can't believe you were that big - and I did think, neither can I!! I will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER do that to myself again. It just creeps up on you, and before you know it, you are someone different. I have to admit Keld, I avoided the camera as much as possible, and if someone took a photo and then showed it, I looked everywhere but at myself. It's sad to think that part of our lives we cannot relate to.. But I guess that is our fault, for not doing something about it sooner... On a positive note, we have /are doing something about it now and are enjoying being fit and healthy and feeling good about ourselves..... Let's celebrate that :-) 
29 Dec 11 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
You are so sweet. I love you. Yours forever, the wife 
29 Dec 11 by member: mtrold
Love you too, Babe. Thanks for stopping by. :) 
29 Dec 11 by member: kingkeld
" getting the thin mindset, where you live, eat, exercise, think as a thin person would." WOW. Think as a thin person would. Keld, you get me thinking about the thin / fat mindset for the rest of the day there. What AM I, or what have I become these past 5 years? A thin person with a thin person's mindset who let herself go? Or a fat person struggling to keep thin almost her entire life, and got a relapse these past 5 years?? What has my overall approache to food and exercising really been?? .... 
29 Dec 11 by member: Maheva
We have a fair bit in common Keld but I'm guessing we all do! Hubby and I had family round the other day and we went through some old photos...OMG we had all forgotten that I ever looked that way. I have just returned home from a trip to buy some new (smaller) workout gear. Coming out of the shop was a very fat family. I hoped they were there to set themselves up for the new year and remembered the time when I wouldn't even go in there because of the horrid looks I'd get (WTF is she doing in here?) I am thankful for.... no longer standing out in the crowd XX 
29 Dec 11 by member: Di Happy
Oh yes the old photos...makes me cringe for sure...but you have to look at it as the old you and now you are the new you...So proud to have you as a buddy as I have learned alot..I may not say much but I am reading and taking notes..Thanks....:O) 
29 Dec 11 by member: BHA
The mindset is paramount. When I quit smoking I thought of myself as a non-smoker from day 1 so instead of saying 'no thanks, I've given up', I'd say 'no thanks, I don't smoke'. I haven't had a cigarette in more than 15 years! 
29 Dec 11 by member: Earthlady
The mind is such a powerful force. I truly believe it has the power to heal, and the power to cause sickness. A sick mind is an unhealthy body. I think this is all related to healthy weight loss. My struggle in seeing the old photos is that a small part of me is still that insecure fat girl, and those thoughts create the sickness in my mind. One day at a time, we must all strive to live healthier and happier- body, mind, and soul!  
29 Dec 11 by member: Lindsay6384
Great journal. 
29 Dec 11 by member: Helewis
Good Journal Keld. You reflecting on the guy in the pictures, and so many good comments about avoiding pictures really hit me. It took me back to regrets about burning up 15 years up living life overweight....although those years were not complete wastes..they surely were not lived and enjoyed the way they should have been. I have virtually no pictures of me over this period simply because I avoided the camera. Sad I don't have hardly any pictures of me with my kids!! However, I will not spend time dwelling on the past, but will look forward to the rest of my life. I will be fit and enjoy life to the fullest for however long I have left.  
29 Dec 11 by member: Rpalmst
Just what I needed to hear today. Thanks for your ever-inspiring journals. 
29 Dec 11 by member: pkgardner
Keld, you went on a journey and found the real you. The you who has grabbed life by the LUGS. (scottish word for ears) And given it a damn good shake. In other words you ARE now living your life to the full now, instead of letting it slip by without being.. hello Keld wife. Lots of love to both of you. Sazy. 
29 Dec 11 by member: sazy
I must admit ... I am a little envious of your journal today. I am so NOT in my zone right now. Not feeling like myself. And so, it is refreshing to read yours. In a day or two or three I will be back to me I hope. It isn't just the indulgences ... rather it is how I use food still ... to self-medicate not just celebrate. I have been on this journey a very long time ... nearly 3 years here on fatsecrect come January 18th. Kindness ... for me is key and I must confess, I am not being kind to myself these past few days. Each journey is unique I suppose, with many commonalities as well. Love reading your insights especially on a day like today. Thanks for being you!!! 
29 Dec 11 by member: madaboutmoose
Well, I'm far from having "my collar bone poking hubby's chin" but your journal was, once again, inspiring. On another note, I looked at some of the pics I took while on a mini-vacation this past summer and I can see an OBVIOUS difference in the way I look now versus then, so that's good! Have an incredible Thursday, Keld! It's good to be your buddy... 
29 Dec 11 by member: SoLosingIt
All I can say is WOW to your journal and some of the comments I am reading. I have been thinking today, about my own personal issues with weight and health ... it's all so insightful to read these comments that others have made. It is all about mindset. "The mind is such a powerful force. I truly believe it has the power to heal, and the power to cause sickness. A sick mind is an unhealthy body." (that was from Lindsay6384). Think that might be my new siggie line phrase. Awesome read today! *Waves and smiles to Keld's wifey and thinks how lucky these two are to have met each other.*  
29 Dec 11 by member: Mom2Boxers
King, you make me GIGGLE with nearly every journal, and you're inspiring even moreso. You will always have the "fat guy" inside, you're just a new evolution of you. 120 minutes on the bike??? DUDE, THAT'S AWESOME!! I am gonna have to challenge myself to doing that on the elliptical--Santa brought me the Harry Potter bluray SET.. We'll see how long I can stick it out! lol Also, if you liked the movies, try reading if you haven't already. They're EVEN BETTER than the very well-translated movies. AND you can still read them and do your bike! Keep it up!! I love the inspiration!! (and I'll start spreading my own again) As for the wife's comment--y'all are TOO sweet! Hope you have a good lengthy relationship, just like I am with my hub. Good times with your best friend....  
29 Dec 11 by member: ZippyDani
King, I love your journals. They always hit so many high notes with me. Thank you for that. Have you read the HP books? That makes the movies even more understandable. I love them. @ mtrold, I plan on sending you a buddy request. You are a very lucky lady and I know King thinks he's a very lucky guy. Happy New Year to the two of you! 
29 Dec 11 by member: Johanne
I have heard others on tv say that when they have lost a significant amount of weight they sometimes still see the fat person in the mirror. I wonder if you have found the secret to avoiding that. "Thinking Skinny" sounds like a winner book to me. Have you given it a thought? The way you write and inspire so many would fly off the bookshelf at any book store. Just a thought. Thanks for the inspirational journal. Stay motivated. I can see you reaching your goal on Saturday. All those morning workouts and the time on the bike will show on Saturday. I must comment on the Harry Potter series. If you loved the movies you would love the books. They are even better than the movies!  
29 Dec 11 by member: M.Trublu

     
 

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