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Haven't been this low since the end of October when my husband had kidney failure. This is going as planned but I have to fight for every 1/2 lb. Most of my clothes are still 2 to 4 sizes too small for me. Lord willing, I will get there. I had a little meltdown yesterday. Even though I kept telling myself to not make a fuss to my husband about the negative things he said to me for 2 days, it finally came dribbling out. He did not take it well, so my hurt feelings and resentments for the two days' worth just kept coming. I was crying and he was mad. He comes up with all these cock-eyed theories of the things wrong with me, says he doesn't care if my feelings are hurt, and totally ignored facing or even discussing the times he gave me commands to do the opposite of what I planned to do, and told me to do things his way. This is so silly, just over the way I was weeding. Plus he told me I was to do my sleeping at night, in other words not to take an afternoon nap. That is so hard for me since I only sleep about 4 hours a night, waking up all night with hot flashes. I was in so much pain from my back after bending forward weeding, even though sitting, that by 8:30 pm I had to lay down on my side and curl, and fell asleep. Was that a disallowed nap? Was it late enough to be considered night? He replied to my question that night starts when he goes to bed (about 10 or 11). This is so silly that I feel I need to obey his directions. My compulsiveness in this reminds me of my compulsiveness with sweets and carbs. I wish I could be like other people and just ignore his directions and commands. I have two friends that think I not only should mindlessly obey every little direction to the letter and never, never even question him. It drives me crazy. It feels like I'm bending backward (for him) so far that I'll break in two. I guess I became irritable that nothing I do is right for him. He was so disparaging of me that I thought it would be another 2 months of him hardly speaking to me. Gratefully he came and sat down on the couch next to me to make up. Boy, was I surprised and thrilled that this would not start him at a long war. Maybe he took pity on me because of my sister dying last week. Anyway, I'm thankful. My back hurts so much as I write this that I don't know how I am going to go out in the yard picking weeds. Sitting is so painful, guess I'll take some ibuprofen. I do not take pain meds but used some CBD oil last night. I need to go buy some more. He told me to go buy him some distilled water for his c-Pap so guess I'll be out anyway. Even as I write this, I'm in so much pain sitting, I don't know what my future holds. And now my husband expects the doctors to do something about it. I have fractures in L5 and deteriorated disks. I will never have back surgery. Physical therapy at my HMO told me years ago to never pick up a tissue off the floor, never make a bed, and don't bend forward to brush my teeth: if the vertebrae slips I will be in a wheelchair.
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125.5 lb
Lost so far: 0 lb.
Still to go: 12.5 lb.
Diet followed reasonably well.
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losing 2.1 lb a week
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