kingkeld's Journal, 03 July 2013

Good morning!

Wow, so many interesting comments to my journal yesterday.

Yesterday, I came to a few realizations about reaching my weight goal.

1. I don't know WHAT my optimal goal is. I can only rely on what doctors (and the general public) agrees is good. I have never before been light enough to be in a position where I had to consider this.

2. I don't know what to do when I get there. I'm talking identity here, not the actual maintenance, as I think this part is reasonably easy. I'm pretty much doing it already. However, I'm talking about WHO I become when I have lost the weight. I will no longer be "the guy who is great at losing weight", but will instead be "the guy who is maintaining weight and who is unsure about it because it's all new to him". This is a VERY different situation, because it's a new path I'm going down.

This was really weird to discover, but VERY important to discover.

I think this is the main reason I changed my goal weight to 76 kilos instead of 77. Suddenly 77 kilos was something I could reach, and when this was done, I'd have to face maintenance, and thus change identity.

It was a LOT easier to simply lower my goal to something quite harder to reach.

Then, on top op making it harder on myself, I also started self-sabotaging my mission. Candies and chocolates. It's so easy to get, so tasty, and so damaging when there is too much of it. I wanted to NOT do it, but I couldn't.

Weird, huh?

Now, I still think I CAN make it to 76 kilos straight. I've been at 76.6 for one day, and I know I can go there again if I'd like. It's all a matter of doing right. I liked weighing 76.6 kilos a LOT. I feel great when I am this light, so it's not a bad weight to be at, but I have to be realistic and see that it's not where I'm gonna be every day.

76 is a good place to "dip down" to now and then, but my real goal - I think - long term is really just to stay under 80. This is the requirement from the surgeons (who don't really look at my weight any longer, but much more body composition, and I'm rocking that!), and it's a good indicator of when to start watching out. If my weigh-in starts with an 8, then it's time to man up. :)

Speaking of that, today I am 80 kilos sharp. I feel great.

I am down 1.4 kilos since yesterday, just as I expected. I had no issues staying away from chocolate or candies, but I felt that I had a completely different focus on things.

It wasn't that I was better at avoiding the sweets. It was much more that they didn't matter to me. And here in lies the HUGE difference with the self realisation I had.

It just didn't matter.

I went to the store and bought apples and pears that I have available at the office. If I get hungry or want a snack, then I have plenty of fruit available, and it's good. I like it.

Lunch is reasonable on calories, as is dinner. I know I won't need much more.

Both today and yesterday my food will be less than 1000 calories. Neither day really qualify as Low Cal Days, but they are plenty low regardless. Right now is probably not the time to focus too much on the "Eat, Fast, Live Longer" approach, but much more on simply sticking to my "8 hour window", and my two main meals.

My buddy FullaBella did point out yesterday that she can have issues with sugar binges if she has carbs early in the day, and that it sometimes can be easier to handle later in the day, and that this might be outside my "window", but can satisfy my craving and still make me able to handle it as it'll be bedtime not TOO long after. Obviously, as she also pointed out, don't have candies too close to bed time as it'll keep me awake.

For me, the "8 hour window" is a general rule. Not law.

I think it's best for me to have general habits and house rules implemented, but it doesn't mean that I can't stray from them when needed.

I don't eat breakfast any longer. I don't miss it. I haven't had breakfast for two weeks now, and I see that it's a LOT easier for me this way.

However, if I wake up physically hungry and my body is asking for food, then I'll have breakfast.

The same goes with snacking after my "window" closes. If I can tell that I need something, and it's a reasonably responsible choice, or if we're simply out and it would be too rude to decline, then I'll have some.

But the "window" helps me maintain control of things, and sets up a good way for me to generally handle all this.

NOT handling things got me in trouble. I can't NOT handle things.

I think part of the "therapy" in all this for me is to recognize that I am not mentally like the naturally thin people. If I was, then I would never have been obese.

If I just relax and consider myself done with everything, and wing it like naturally thin people do, then I'll gain weight and end up in trouble again.

Instead, I realize that I need to set up a set of rules that makes life much easier for me to handle on a day-to-day basis, and that I can generally stick with.

The "8 hour window" seems like a great candidate for this. I see that when I follow the rules (eat within the 8 hour time slot, and don't make stupid choices) on most days, then it should all be good.

Obviously, there will be days where I can't do this. There will be days where I don't WANT to do this. But there will be many, many days where I feel like straying a little and these rules will keep me in check and I will be able to simply do good because of the rules. They're easy to do, and easy to remember.

And what is even more cool is that maybe - MAYBE - over time they can be a tool for me to finally ween off counting calories. I can see this potentially happening doing this.

Seeing my activity levels/calories burned in general, I see that I have quite a lot of calories available every day. I CAN do quite a bit, if done right.

Now, I don't want to push to the max on this or anything, but I see that if I have this much available, then most days I won't reach my max from just eating lunch, dinner and a few fruits/healthy snacks. I won't even come close.

This means that it could potentially become a worry free calorie intake zone for me to be in. If I know that I don't reach my max, or get anywhere near it (yesterday I felt that I ate quite a bit and I had 850 calories in REAL food! Chicken Wings, salad, apples, fried liver with onions, potatoes, strawberry/protein smoothie.

If I can generally make choices like this, I'll be around 1000 calories on such a day, AND have snacks too. I am never hungry. Hunger for me only really comes out when I have sugar. Damn sugar. Avoid it, avoid hunger. This is a good thing to remember. Avoid sugar, avoid hunger. :)

So, anyways, my point is:

If I can simply do days like these, then I can check them off as "doing well"-days, and just not worry about them. It's only really the days where I am making poor choices that I need to be worried about. Those, and days where I go to parties, or other high calorie days. Normal days will be ok.

Now, I'm not quite there yet. That's a huge step to take. Right now I am still getting my head around my discoveries from yesterday. But I think it's an interesting thought - that I might be able to move there.

It would simply be a matter of following house rules, and weigh in daily to make sure I stay where I want/need to be.

...

Speaking of calories and activities - I got my Fitbit summary e-mail yesterday, and it just proves that I am doing well. Really well, I think.

Check it out.

As you can see, Fitbit (along with my other counters) firmly believe that I burn 3000+ calories per day. Actually, they're saying 3200+ calories in AVERAGE daily burn, so even if I shave off, say, 500 daily calories to stay on the safe side, then it would still be next to impossible for me to reach on a daily basis with my set rules. There will be plenty of room for good food and smart choices. I will never go hungry, and won't have to worry.

It just proves once again what weight loss and maintenance is about:

Calorie intake and physical activity. Oh, and a major cleanup of the psyche. I think this is AT LEAST as important, as the cleanup will make everything else either "just happen" or at least make it so much easier.

I will of course still be counting calories for a while. I don't feel that I am ready to take a big step like that just yet.

However, I see this happening in near future if things keep making sense.

I could start implementing it this way - and it could even help me from the carb temptations:

If I KNOW that I will have a reasonable day, I could choose to not count calories. Simply skip THAT day.

The conditions for a day like that could be:
- I'll know what all my meals are gonna be, and they're all gonna be reasonable. Lunch AND dinner. Portions are gonna be very reasonably sized.
- There will be NO sugars. No Candy, no ice cream, no chocolate, no cake.
- There will be AT LEAST the usual physical activities.
- All snacks will be healthy, low calorie snacks such as fruit. NOT nuts, as they have a lot of calories and can push everything for me.

With these rules in check I don't see myself getting anywhere close to 3000 calories. Not even 2000. Maybe not even 1500. It would be perfectly safe.

Those days I could simply skip counting, and then count the days where I see that things are "dangerous". Saturdays would be typical days for this, along with days that are different from the usual rut.

This is just something from the drawing board for now, though. It's not something I want to implement just now.

...

Phew. So many thoughts. I'm glad I have this journal to write it all down. So many things to consider, and putting them into words really help me organizing it all in my head.

...

Oh, I almost forgot to post my stats from yesterday. Let's take a look!

As you can see, I did well gain. This is pretty much the average day around here, though the 30 minutes at the gym obviously makes a difference. I burn a few hundred extra calories per time I go there.

It still baffles me how efficient this way of training is, and that 30 minutes REALLY is enough. I love that I don't have to spend hours doing it, and I love the results I see and feel on my own body. There is no better testimony, right? :)

...

Anyways, if I wanna make it a full, five kilometer walk before work today, then I need to get moving. It's been great to really sit down and write all this out. I think I needed it.

It's a busy time for me, and the thoughts often pile up.

Thanks for reading!

...

Today, I'm thankful for:
- This journal!
- My FatSecret buddies!
- Self discovery!
- A different focus today. It actually feels a lot less stressful.
- Morning coffee after a GREAT night's sleep. :)

Happy Wednesday to all! Life is good!
176.4 lb Lost so far: 165.3 lb.    Still to go: 0 lb.    Diet followed reasonably well.
on diet kingkeld's own diet   losing 18.5 lb a week

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Comments 
I’m glad that you have this place to write down all your thoughts too. You getting your head around weight loss and now maintenance has helped not only me but so many others. I’ve always believed that losing weight is in your head. If you look at losing weight as a “diet” or something that isn’t a life change then you will keep gaining it back. You’re at the hardest part of this journey and I think you do have a handle on it. 
03 Jul 13 by member: davidsmom
I have no doubt that you'll be "the guy who has lost a boat-load of weight who is now maintaining as amazingly as he lost"! It's obvious that whatever you do you do it with zeal and passion. You're not switching to a totally new identity...you're extending and improving on the old one! ;) 
03 Jul 13 by member: RavenSoul69
Ironic Keld - I was thinking the very same thing about you last night (identity) and trying to correlate it to my own history and said the same thing. Someday people WILL forget I was 'the gal that lost all that weight' and stop asking 'how much now'. What will I want to be known for? I'm hoping and praying the skills I've picked up this time and healing I've done with the eating disorders will help not reclaim the title of 'the gal who regained all the weight she lost yet again' I don't know that I even want to TRY to be what society considers and acceptable weight ~ I'm just learning to be really heppy and contented with myself everytime I step on the scale and don't see a gain (allowing for the 6lb plus or minus fluid bounce). In my experience people's memories are really short or they are just kind because FEW seem to ever remember me being the lower weight I was the time before; nor did they seem to notice the regains. So.. some day I'll just be a nobody like everyone else and feel less like a sideshow. Weird goal but it's the one that keeps me going for now. 
03 Jul 13 by member: FullaBella
Bella, I totally get you. Isn't that the main reason that everyone works hard to change themselves? To simply be like everyone else? For me, today, I think I know what I want to be known for - I found a great chunk of motivation today. :) More on that in my journal tomorrow. I know. I'm a tease. Can't help it. :) 
03 Jul 13 by member: kingkeld
Good stats KK... Fitness and keeping active, is so important :-) 
03 Jul 13 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
A lot of the thoughts going round in your head I have thought too. I am nowhere near my goal yet but I'm already thinking about how many calories to have after my holiday to try to maintain. I don't want to put loads on again like I normally do. I often think that I sabotage myself after each holiday so that I can go on a diet again as I like the feeling of losing weight. How stupid is that !!??  
03 Jul 13 by member: shaz7140
identity, you are awesome! I too have to hold off on the carbs, I especially like my evening snack to be a sweet piece of fruit, I adore pears! of I have a hard boiled egg for breakfast, no bread, maybe just the cream or milk in my coffee I count that as breakfast, there is something scientific that is bad on blood sugar when skipping breakfast, eating something actually lowers your nights blood sugar, I will find info if you want. I was having a little high blood sugar in the mornings and found out it was from skipping breakfast... 
03 Jul 13 by member: Lizzygracemusic
Hi Keld, you are evolving every day! The 8 hour window, no breakfast, seems to work well for you. I enjoy reading about your progress and your thoughts and learning from your ups and downs. I am sure you will find your 'normal' and will figure it all out, then you can share it with us :) 
03 Jul 13 by member: sarahsmum
Thanks, everyone. I am definitely learning a lot these days. Not only about the weight loss journey, but a LOT about ME! :) 
03 Jul 13 by member: kingkeld

     
 

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