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I lost my pup, my best friend Layla, 3 years ago today. I was deep in my addiction when I had to put her down. At that time the pain was easily masked by the needle and the bottle. Today I feel it full force and am fighting to arrive in a healthy way. Just when I feel a bit of comfort after a prayer, a fond memory, a cute puppy picture... the addict still stuck in my head pops up with "just go get some wine, that'll calm things down. Take a few of those advil PM's & just go to sleep & stop thinking about it. Eat the rest of that bag of chips." So more prayers are said and a few more minutes pass by. I'm proud to be sober but ashamed & frustrated that those junkie go-to thoughts still have a voice in my brain. They get in the way. They won't win but I'm sick and tired of having to push them out of the way. But on the other hand, I guess all that pushing will eventually make me stronger. Thanks for giving me a safe, comfortable, and supportive place to vent all this. Have a great afternoon my friends 🤗 #720daysclean
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 Comments
I completely understand. I have quite the "background" as well and got clean in 2005. I still have thoughts tho. It's normal and it's a good reminder of what I was and where I am today. I once heard by a preacher, "The birds will fly over, just don't let them roost." It has stuck with me for many years now. We all have thoughts run through our head, just don't settle in and get cozy with those romantic notions. We must continue to learn and strive everyday to deal with our emotions on a positive level. It's hard, and it's the reason I gained a helluva lot of weight. But I'm trying. And I'm not drinkin' or druggin' so today it's a win.
17 Apr 18 by member: CarrieV.
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Sorry about your puppy ❤️ But 720 days?! You are strong, and getting stronger every day. Whenever I’m feeling down about the loss of my furbaby I read ‘rainbow bridge’ just a lil poem, if you haven’t come across it Google it, makes me feel a bit better x
18 Apr 18 by member: Trico1
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Mentally working through the relentless ordeal and succeeding will definitely will make you stronger in the long run. It will show you just how deeply you can reach within yourself to muster the fortitude to say "No," and teach you "I'm worth so much more and stronger than a hunting memory." Great share into your struggle. You will overcome, and be better for it. Only the weak never learn what it' take to persevere, and the reason they don't is because they always fail before the feel the full brunt of the temptation before caving. Those who overcome learn how far they have to go because they learn where the threshold is. God's speed.
18 Apr 18 by member: adamevegod1
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Stay strong my friend! You have many friends here...
18 Apr 18 by member: FrankieBluEyes
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Bug, Look at it this way...for that addiction you've been there and done that and you don't want to go back there again..sorry for your loss.
18 Apr 18 by member: murphthesurf
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