OMG LaraStar... What a predicament. I can fully understand your concern, that your female friend will blame you if she finds out. I think you are right, she probably will - hopefully though, as time goes on, she will realise that it isn't your fault. I can also understand how annoyed you are.... He has ruined someones life and potentially, could have wrecked your marriage....... Very, very sad.... At least he is moving away.... I cannot understand why he told you, maybe he thought you may have hidden romantic feelings for him. Have you told your husband... That could be a difficult situation too.
19 Jan 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
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I haven't told my hubby. I am so confused, I don't know what he would think. Would he blame me? My ex-friend has told my female friend that I am not talking to him anymore. I am hoping he will not tell her why. I am in contact with her every day. I am sad for her, that she got used in such a bad way. I am also sad that I am caught up in this awful situation. How could I have been so wrong about this guy?
19 Jan 12 by member: LaraStar
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I hope he doesn't tell her why. It is such a difficult situation, if he does tell her, she may blurt it out to your hubbie - which would be really difficult. If you tell him... that too would be difficult, it would be pretty hard for him, not to wonder if there was an attraction there. If the situation was reversed, you would probably think back and wonder about times they were alone together. As long as you are stable, you can get over it, but it just makes things uncomfortable.
19 Jan 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
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The truth will set you free. I wouldn't hide anything from either of them. I'd face it head on with your hubby and your friend. The last thing you need is for this to come out 6 months down the line and both of them find out you knew about it and were not forthcoming. That might make it appear to them you have something to hide. If you have nothing to hide I get it out and off your chest. Might hurt them in the short run but save the relationships long term which is what matters. Carrying this around will burden you unnecessarily...but then again I am just some toolbox from MN with no training in this area.
19 Jan 12 by member: Rpalmst
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Wow, what a horrible predicament indeed! I agree with Rpalmst though. If you say nothing now, you may appear guilty later if/when they do find out. Honesty is always the best policy (albeit, not the easiest).
Talk to your husband first to get his support and advice on what you should do. You'll then feel more confident talking with your friend. I don't know how she would take it though... you know how jealous women can get; even if the "other" woman is 100% innocent...
I think you will also feel better by discussing it rationally with them now, rather than emotionally later if they end up getting the wrong end of the stick. Better for you to approach them calmly than for them to confront you all charged-up.
19 Jan 12 by member: Gallimh
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Men!...who knows what goes on in thier heads. I agree with telling your husband. This isn't something you should keep from him. Imagine his feelings of betrayal if he found out later. Might make you seem guilty to him. As for your friend maybe the same is true there as well. Good thing he is moving!! What a wienny.
19 Jan 12 by member: petuniak
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Oh Lara, what a crazy story that is. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I agree with telling your husband too. He'll appreciate it and it will help you get through it.
19 Jan 12 by member: Helewis
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Thanks for your comments. I have decided not to tell my husband. This guy will be gone soon. So far he has not told my friend and I don't think he will. I just can't see the point in hurting 2 people I love when it doesn't add anything positive to the situation. I am working on putting it behind me, it's anger more than anything else. BTW my friend is gorgeous, caring and funny and she will find another guy soon. Thank you all for your input.
20 Jan 12 by member: LaraStar
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Rpalmist, I'm glad to see the shin injury hasn't affected your brain; I agree with you. LaraStar, you should tell your friend and your husband, so they both know the guy really is a "bastard" not only for playing the deceptive game he's been playing, but for putting you in a predicament, and on a guilt trip for something you didn't even know about. He apparently would feel no shame in breaking up his own relationship, as well as your marriage. It's good he's going away; but this is a skeleton you don't need in your closet. IMHO.
20 Jan 12 by member: DairyKing
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I can see where you're all coming from. But apart from hurting 2 people what is there in telling? Anything positive? Sometimes we tell people the truth to make it easier for ourselves. But I'm ok, I am putting this behind me. I have dealt with some bastards in my time and it has never affected my good relationships.
20 Jan 12 by member: LaraStar
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I guess I'm too logical and don't quite understand the dilemma. Unless he was your husband's best friend also, why is it going to hurt him to tell him that this guy had alterior motives, since you had no part or lot in the matter? As long as you are content in your decision, and don't feel like "you" are deceiving anyone, enjoy and get on with your life.
20 Jan 12 by member: DairyKing
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He was my friend. I didn't encourage him and I don't feel guilty. But I am still worried that my hubby and friend might draw the wrong conclusions. I don't feel like I am deceiving anyone, I am sparing them unnecessary pain. I will just get on with my life. Thanks
20 Jan 12 by member: LaraStar
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I think I agree with your decision LaraStar.... By telling them you may be making more out of it, than it needs to be. Plus, you never know if he was being over dramatic and using you as a get out clause. Maybe ... And I mean maybe, he didn't want you to think badly of him, so used this as a " ploy". He may just have had enough of this girl... But felt guilty, because he knew it would look like he was /is a bastard.
20 Jan 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
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Thanks Skinny. It certainly was very dramatic. I think everybody will be ok eventually. But the bastard had me reach for chocolates!!! New start tomorrow!
20 Jan 12 by member: LaraStar
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PUT THOSE CHOCOATES DOWN... He is NOT worth it :-)
20 Jan 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
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What an awful situation for you and your friend. How could he use her like that? Best without someone like that in your life and as a friend or anything else. Sounds like she has had a lucky escape. Hopefully she will realise what sort of a scoundrel he is. Hopefully she will realise what a great friend you are and not even think any negative thoughts about you.
20 Jan 12 by member: baacs
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The chocolates are safely put away! And my friend knows she had a lucky escape. I am still sad about having lost a friend but we are all moving on.
21 Jan 12 by member: LaraStar
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Soooo sooooo pleased for you LaraStar - must be a load of your mind, that she knows she had a luck escape. All's well :-). ...glad the chocs are locked away LOL
21 Jan 12 by member: Sk1nnyfuture
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Me too. Be well. Back to positivity and progress for you and for your friend.
21 Jan 12 by member: Helewis
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