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I realize that the more I fear the scale the more weight I gain. It starts in the begining. I will sense I have gained A POUND, but my mind cannot accept having to see the higher number, let alone posting it and ruining my perfect chart! I say to myself that I will just wait another week because I can get my self together by then and loose that pound and then some. Unfortunately I have by then allowed some bad habbits to creep in or I have allowed myself to lose my dillegence. This cycle can and has gone on for months, even years. 10 years ago I lost over 100 pounds and by the 7th year I had gained most of it back. I would begin to fear the scale and it would take a Doctors appointment to get me to face reality. Every Doctors appointment I would find another 10 pounds. I ignored the scale over the Holidays. I only weighed in once between Halloween and New Years. Just after Thanksgiving I weighed myself. I was 10 pounds up. I couldn't put that number on my chart so I put it at staying the same. I said to myself that I would lose those 10 pounds before my next weigh in. Then I stayed away from the scale for another month. Thankfully I had not gained any more. The thing that makes me the madest is that I fear the truth of the scale. If I had just faced my fear and worked my way THROUGH it, I would have caught those gains earlier and stopped them.
For awhile, maybe forever, I am going to get on the scale everyday. Now that I have gotten real about my "perfect chart" I am going to learn from the ebb and flow of loss and gain.
I have to ask myself what my real issues are and why I have this all or nothing attitude. Why I needed that perfect chart that only goes down. Is it only my pride that is sabotaging me time and again?
Pride comes before the fall...or in this case the gain.
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