HerStrawberri's Journal, 28 September 2011

Ok so journal # 2. I'm at school and way early so i thought i would give it a whirl. I've not really had anything worth while to talk about diet wise, so I haven't really been journaling the last few days. But, for me, this is part of my evolution so I'm doing it. Thank you to anyone who is reading this! I know my journals tend to be more 'life' focused then 'diet' focused. I'm considering a blog in the future. i don't really have the time to keep up with one now, but maybe as my life settles, I will find the time. Writing has always been theraputic for me, so I'm in need of SOMETHING.

Today when i stepped on the sclae it said 300. I was like HOLY CRAP! I then had to step on it 5 more times just to make sure ot was correct. It was! YAY ME! I haven't weighed myself for like 2 weeks. i was at 304. it was so nice to see that drop. Things have been so hectic here that it's amazing it wasn't a 4 lb GAIN. My GF has really been on me about my food. I know she worries. AND BEFORE ANYONE gets on my ASS about it....i know. I have known for a long time and even though it doesn't seem like I'm trying, I AM. It's hard eating at school. The caf totally sucks and I'm just not hungry. I have bars with me and I'm going to start eating more next week. Or at least try too. I need to get an insulated luch bag thingy to take my food in. I'm going to try to get it this weekend. With my dad coming on saturday...I'm not sure how much shopping I will be able to do.

I'm very nervous about my dad coming here. he is so controlling and he likes to bull doze me into doing things. These past months I have really started to stop taking crap from my fam and really everyone. I think it's good for me. For so long people walked all over me and I'm just sick of it. I say I'm sorry for everything, even when it's not ME who should be sorry. I need to stand up for myself more. I have it in me and it's really starting to come out. Hopefully my dad and I won't butt heads to much. we will see I guess. I'm also worried about my GF and dad butting heads. they are alot alike in some ways. they both seem to think they know whats best for me and BOTH try to bull doze their way into making me do it. I'm as stubborn as they come and I'm NOT going to be a rope for them to play tug of war with. I guess we will see with that as well. Anyway, sorry for the randomness.

I'm very proud of myself today. i reflected on the way to school about all of my accomplishments these past months and I have to say....I'm very proud. I can't wait to see what the next 6 months bring. It's not even about the weight loss....it's about finally going to school and standing up for myself and just really starting to get back in touch with ME after almost 2 years of depression. I have also started tackeling my fears. Yeah, I have bad anxiety...but the only way for me to get over it is to just DO IT.

It CAN be done. You have to believe in yourself and just FREAKIN DO IT. Don't sit on the couch wondering and waiting for the 'right time'. it will never come and you will forever talk yourself OUT OF DOING IT. I know, I have been there. FOR 2 YEARS. Don't complain about something unless you want to HONESTLY MAKE A CHANGE. If i can do this after being basically suicidal, and that's me being painfully honest, ANYONE CAN. Ok, enough of the inspirational CRAP. LOLOLOL

<3 me

Diet Calendar Entry for 28 September 2011:
996 kcal Fat: 61.12g | Prot: 78.55g | Carb: 23.00g.   Breakfast: Turkey Sausage Patties, Medium Eggs, Butter with Olive Oil. Dinner: Mayonnaise, land o lakes butter, Chicken Breast. more...


Congrats on your drop! I think it's perfectly reasonable to talk about life in your journal. It's YOUR journal after all. If venting about stress helps your overall health I don't think you should feel guilty about it. Good luck with the dad/GF situation. I think it's good that you are coming into being your own person (being able to say no, not apologizing for others, taking care of yourself, etc.). Keep up the good work and take care of yourself Dawn! 
28 Sep 11 by member: MrsTofu
I'm with MrsTofu on this one- nothing wrong with talking "life" in your journal. I obviously do the same lol In fact, I started questioning myself as well on whether I was getting too personal in my journal and if I should put it in my blog (I set my blog up a while ago, but only wrote in it once LOL). But then I thought, no- I have the support here that I like, and this is about my journey as a person- weight loss, diet, and general life included :) And also, I must say that your last paragraph WAS inspirational...I've been questioning a lot of things lately, and what you wrote just snapped me out of it and made me realize I have to do it! Thanks, Dawn :) 
28 Sep 11 by member: tntmom87
Thanks girls! tnt~ I was just reading your journal hun. ((hugs)) You are under alot of stress and it's natural for you to feel the way you are feeling. Take each day one at a time. You are hurting really bad right now, and you need to take the time to heal. Your journal is there for you to vent and write about your feelings. So use that to try to heal some of that pain. You can totally do this hun! Oh, and your new hair sounds totally cute!! Post pics!!! Thank you MrsTofu! =) 
28 Sep 11 by member: HerStrawberri
You've done an amazing job so far on your path to a healthier you! I'm glad you are still alive and with us. I spent a good portion of my life being super negative about life and to be honest myself too. It's very liberating and refreshing to realize you CAN be positive about the world and yourself. I hope you keep steady on your path and never look back(except to gain perspective perhaps). If you want to chat more feel free to message/friend me. 
28 Sep 11 by member: little_yasha
1. I can't imagine anyone getting on your ass about your eating habits here, love... we're all in the same boat, trying to shuck off a lifetime of wrong choices and bad habits, and we've all had the occasional relapse. 2. I write about life. You write about life. As K8 says, This isn't a diet - it's our lives, and the changes we're making are permanent, lifestyle changes. I know that nothing impacts my eating more than what happens in my day, so it's all interlinked. You've been way happier over the last couple weeks, despite the stress of your dad coming to stay and the kitty declawing, and I think that's had an impact. Happiness makes for good choices. Good choices make for happiness. This is a pretty incoherent comment, but mostly I'm happy for you. =) xx 
28 Sep 11 by member: ferlengheti


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